You fell in love, and he’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of – kind, handsome, generous, funny, and more. There’s just one teeny-tiny roadblock in your relationship: he’s married – and no matter how you feel about him, you can’t change that.
He took a huge vow with another woman, and despite what he tells you, the fact that he’s married makes everything a lot more complicated. He tells you he loves you, he texts you late at night after she’s fallen asleep, he sneaks around to see you, and it almost feels like he’s done this before – and likely he has!
No matter what he tells you, the truth is undeniable – you are in the deep end; you’re the other woman, his mistress.
You start to plan your future with him, a life in the open with no more sneaking around – Then the inevitable happens: he ends things with you, and decides to stay with his wife – while you’re left crying yourself to sleep. Should you contact his wife? Confront him about the breakup? It might seem impossible to move on from this breakup.
Keep reading for 10 ways to get over a married man who broke your heart.
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
As bad as the breakup feels right now, you need to get a grip on your life and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Treat this as a learning experience rather than an embarrassing mistake.
If you invested a lot of time and effort into making this relationship work, have a good look at where your life is actually at. What’s still important to you, besides dating a man who isn’t available? How’s your career going? What about your friendships and social life?
It’s time to take stock and put your life first. Heartbreaks don’t last forever!
2. Get rid of all the memories.
The thing that usually stops us from getting over someone is that you can’t seem to erase him. But the reality is, you can – and definitely should!
- Delete or block his phone number so that you’re never tempted to use it again.
- Get rid of all pictures, letters, gifts, jewelry, cards, and every little keepsake that reminds you of the time you spent with him. The more you delay, the slower your recovery will be.
- Then look at your habits and favorite hangout spots. Avoid places that you know he goes to with his wife and places you might bump into him. Don’t even think about going near his home!
- Avoid all social media interactions or keeping a tally on where he goes and what he does. Even if you just want to make sure he’s okay, it really isn’t any of your business anymore.
- Throw a little “closure party” to help you say goodbye to all the memories with him. Invite your best friends, grab a bottle of wine and have a good cry if you need it (but after that, no more tears!).
- Unfriend any common friends, and ask your friends to stop interacting with him.
Cutting all ties is hard but necessary for your recovery. You’ll feel a lot stronger when you’re done!
3. Go on a trip.
A great way to get over a man is to change your surroundings for a bit. Visit an old friend you haven’t seen in ages, stay with your parents, or maybe take a solo trip abroad.
Take the time you need to start feeling like the “old you”, before you got involved with him. Chances are you’ve been missing a lot while investing time in the relationship. A girls’ trip can always put a smile on your face and remind you there’s more to life than him.
4. Get a makeover.
No matter how great you look already, taking extra care of yourself and getting a little makeover might be just what you need. Try doing things that have the feel-good factor:
- Get your nails done, and choose something different than the usual color.
- Change your hairstyle or hair color. Make it as dramatic as you feel like it – it’ll give you a total confidence boost.
- Go on a shopping spree and spend a little cash! There’s no heartache a good shopping spree can’t fix.
- Treat yourself to a spa day! Spend time relaxing, getting a massage and taking a break from the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.
- Sign up for a new exercise class and push yourself to exercise regularly. It’ll keep your body healthy, and your mind off depressing thoughts.
5. Embrace being single again.
One of the biggest issues of dating a married man is that despite how real it feels, it isn’t as real as a regular relationship. He wasn’t available and you had to sneak around – which can take its toll on any relationship.
Don’t you feel relieved you don’t have to do that anymore? You can just go out and enjoy truly being single. Spend time with men who are available, like you. No baggage, no secrets, and no wives waiting at home.
Date someone who’s always there for you – not just when his wife is busy. Go for someone who puts you first and wants to spend all his time with you. It’ll feel great, and it’s what you deserve!
6. Get yourself a pet.
If you truly want to feel useful and hopeful again, get yourself a pet – especially if you’ve always wanted one. Looking after a pet will make you snap out of any depressive episodes much quicker.
No matter how sad you are, a pet will be there to calm you down and be happy when you get home. It’s a great way to mend your broken heart and learn to love again.
7. Don’t opt for revenge.
Getting your heart broken by a married man will feel unfair, harsh and horrible. You’ll feel like you should contact his wife and tell her the truth just to hurt him and make yourself feel a little better.
Vengeance seems like a primal need, but making decisions that are fueled by hatred and driven by strong emotions is never a good idea. Don’t play the vengeance card. Live and let live, and trust that karma will do its work.
8. Don’t look back.
Don’t hold hope that he’ll come back. He might try to contact you again, remind you how good you guys had it, and tell you that you still mean so much to him. The worst thing you can do is trust that this time around it will be any different.
Don’t let him return to your life. Block his number once and for all and don’t look back or wonder “what if”. Give yourself a chance for a normal relationship and avoid married men altogether.
9. Do some hard thinking.
To fully get over him, it’s important to do some soul searching and learn your lessons. How did you actually hope the relationship would end up for you? With his divorce, a heartbroken wife, and abandoned children?
Would you have been happy then? Is that how you would have wanted to start a future with him? Put yourself in his wife’s shoes and ask yourself how she must be feeling. She’s a woman, just like you, and she deserves to be happy too.
If he had left her, and you ended up with him, he could have done the same to you (and probably would have). Learn your lesson, and move on from relationships like this.
10. Remind yourself that you’re better than this.
At the end of the day, being unfaithful causes a lot of harm – to one being cheated on and to the one who’s part of the affair as well. You know better than to trust a cheating married man!
- Remind yourself that he won’t commit to a future with you, and was never going to.
- Remember how hard it was to keep this relationship a secret from friends and family, as a result not getting much support in tough moments.
- Understand that a married man never truly respect the woman that he’s cheating with. You’re just the “other woman”, and nothing more.
- Realize that a good man wouldn’t be cheating on his wife – so why would you want to be involved with someone who is capable of doing that?
- Adultery creates lasting damage to all parties involved.