While dating someone who’s never been in a relationship definitely has its perks, it can also be a little tricky at times. There will be a tons of emotions and first-time experiences to navigate, so arm yourself with patience and kindness before taking the plunge.
How can you tell if someone’s never been in a relationship?
How do you know if someone’s always been single? An inexperienced guy won’t exactly advertise it – and might be a little ashamed of it. Here’s a few signs that will reveal the truth:
- He’s really idealistic or romantic. Someone who’s never had a relationship, and probably never suffered from a broken heart, will typically have a rather idealistic views on love. Their idea of romance is what they’ve seen in movies – so he might come across as quite romantic and naïve at first.
- He isn’t making the first move. Even if he really likes you, he will probably be super cautious about making the first move. Without experience in dating, he’s probably overthinking it and isn’t able to see the hints you are sending him. He is most likely wondering “Is this appropriate? Do I have consent? Does she like me at all? Should I be making the first move?
- He’s nervous when you are alone together. A guy who’s never had a relationship will naturally be a lot less confident than someone with experience. He will probably be a little nervous and fidgety when you spend time together, might not speak a lot, and may stay in listening mode. He might also feel uncomfortable or awkward about touching or kissing you.
- He follows your lead. A guy without experience won’t know how to initiate things, so he will be following your lead when it comes to texting, how often you meet, or when you get intimate with one another.
Benefits of Dating Someone Who’s Never Been In A Relationship
While the above signs make it obvious that a guy has never had a girlfriend before, they can sometimes be really adorable. There are so many benefits to dating someone who comes with no experience.
- He will have no baggage. This is a huge plus. Sure, he might be a little naïve when it comes to women’s needs, but he won’t be badmouthing his ex, or scarred for life by the psycho he met a few years ago. A negative dating experience can really harm a man’s ego, so consider yourself lucky if you have found a guy who never had that. Dating him will be a lot easier!
- He will put you on a pedestal. As his first girlfriend, his goal might be to make you feel special. Your wishes will be his command, and he wouldn’t want to disappoint you – no matter what. Make sure you recognize how special you are in his eyes, and don’t take it for granted.
- He will probably be all over you – literally. For someone without any dating experience, it will feel like they’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Naturally, he will want to be near you a lot and be alone with you often. If his displays of affection come on too strong or too soon, just be honest with him. It’s okay to take things slow.
- He may be up for anything you suggest. You probably won’t need to do much convincing, which can be so refreshing. Want him to meeting your friends? Sure, he can’t wait! Meeting your family? He’ll be there on time and with flowers for your mum! Booking a weekend trip together? He’ll do all the research and get the tickets
While dating someone who’s inexperienced in love can be fun, it can also be hard to navigate at times. Here are 9 tips to help you out when you’re dating someone who’s a total newbie in love.
1. Set clear expectations and boundaries
Trying to let him take the lead in the relationship probably won’t work. His pace might be completely off compared to yours, so make sure you are straight-forward with him when it comes to dating.
Setting up some boundaries will make things easier for him as well, especially when you don’t want to become entirely engulfed in the relationship when he wants to spend all his free time only with you.
Also, be aware that his expectations will probably resemble a “fairy tale romance” and not a realistic relationship. Make sure he knows that a real girlfriend comes with ups and downs, and not every day spent together will be perfectly dreamy.
2. Show him that it’s okay to fight
A guy who’s never dated before will probably see your first fight as the absolute worst experience in his life. It might be really traumatizing, he will blame himself, feel responsible, ask if he’d hurt you, or if you’re upset, and might think you are breaking up with him.
Make sure he knows that fights are a perfectly healthy part of any relationship, if done right. You won’t be on the same page about everything, and sometimes you might clash – but that’s fine! It’s how you resolve arguments and differences that will define how strong your relationship is.
He needs to know what he can do to prevent fighting, but also needs to realize that as long as your fights are healthy and not ugly and toxic, it can be all resolved with a good conversation.
3. Arm yourself with patience
You are practically teaching him how to do everything – how to communicate with a girl, how to be supportive, how to notice things about you, and maybe even how to make love!
You will need to have a lot of patience with him, and you just can’t treat him like any other guy you’ve dated before.
Make sure you use reassuring language with him; he’s going through a learning curve and won’t get it right all the time. It’s important not to blame him for the little mistakes he makes along the way. Remember how you felt the first time you dated someone (probably completely clueless and awkward).
4. Avoid comparing him to others
One of the worst mistakes you can make with your inexperienced boyfriend is to start comparing him to your ex-boyfriends. This can be so hurtful for him, even if you only mean it as a joke.
In fact, avoid talking about your ex’s too much in the first place, even if he asks you about them. He’s developing his own dating skills and learning how to love you, so there’s no need to crush his ego by bringing the past into it. Every relationship is different!
5. Be open to change
You may be quite set in your ways, especially when it comes to relationships. You might think that there’s nothing he can possibly teach you, but that’s where you’re really wrong.
If you are open to learn from him, and change your ways so the relationship grows, you will soon find that just because he never dated anyone, doesn’t mean that he can’t teach you anything.
Some of your bad habits you may have developed because of an ex-boyfriend might be easily spotted by him. Just because your ex liked certain things in bed, doesn’t mean that your new boyfriend likes the same stuff. Have an open mind, and be willing to change.
6. Tell him what you really like
There’s no point keeping him guessing what it is you want or need in the relationship. Be straight-forward. If you appreciate him texting you before bed, or you love it when he kisses your neck, just tell him. He will appreciate your honesty and it will make him feel so good that he knows how to make you happy.
You are starting with a clean slate in the relationship. He won’t have any room for comparison, so all he will know is what you show him.
7. Talk about the future
If you are serious about him, then don’t ignore his questions about your future together. No matter how early it is in the relationship, as a newbie in dating he will try and understand where this might be going and whether you are serious about him.
That doesn’t mean planning for marriage and kids after only a few dates. Be honest with him, and respect the fact that he’s doing this for the first time.
If you don’t see yourself with him for a long time, make sure you don’t toy with his feelings or waste his time. You don’t want his first relationship to be the biggest heartbreak of his life, and end up scarring him for future women.
8. Show him that you appreciate him
If he’s getting things right and is making you happy, make sure he knows that. Show him how much you appreciate the things he does. Show him you love him often; he needs to build up his confidence, and your love and support are a big part of that.
Nobody wants to date someone who constantly picks up on their flaws, so showing him that you cherish him will only increase his love for you. Don’t fixate on the things he doesn’t get quite right, but reward the things he does.
9. Don’t allow jealousy
If he’s smitten with you and has never been in love before, all his emotions will be really intensified – including the feeling of jealousy. It’s normal that a dating newbie might question your love (and he might even do it quite often) or ask if you love him. Don’t get annoyed by it! He’s still learning.
That being said, it’s important to kill any feelings of jealousy early on, and not allow him to get emotional about other guys. If he’s a little clingy and possessive of you, then a big talk is required. He doesn’t own you – and he has to respect that.
A strong relationship is about trust and respect, and if you don’t give him reasons to be insecure or jealous, then he has no excuse for it.
The above 9 tips will definitely help you navigate dating someone who has never been in a relationship before. But, when all is said and done, it’s all about love, patience and kindness. Treat him the way you would treat a friend – support him in learning, and don’t pick out on what he doesn’t get quite right. It might actually be your most rewarding relationship yet.