A man can certainly fall in love with a rebound girl, but not before he stops considering her just a rebound!
After a breakup, being alone can seem daunting.
Being alone is simply the most painful experience you’ll have to go through after a breakup.
Although some people might be able to tackle the lonely time after a breakup head-on and be able to emerge successfully on the other side, others might seek a new hand to hold.
Dating a new person immediately after a breakup is known as rebounding, and the unfortunate (or fortunate) new love interest is known as the rebound.
Being someone’s rebound is never a good idea, and although you may find yourself genuinely in love with someone who considers you their rebound, it’s important to understand that the relationship will need considerably more dedication to make it work.
Why Get a Rebound Girl?
Rebounding has been around for centuries, probably since the first caveman got his heart broken by his cavewoman and saw her whisked away in the arms of another alpha male!
In all seriousness, rebounding is a way to cope with loss, ease the grieving process, and lessen the feelings of loneliness that come from breaking up with someone.
In fact, studies have shown that a breakup can cause just as much grief as losing a loved one to death.
This is because being in a relationship can be addictive, chemically, sexually, emotionally, and even spiritually.
And if the relationship was unhealthy, it could have led to issues such as codependency.
We’ll talk more about unhealthy relationships in just a second, but the bottom line is this – finding a rebound partner makes life easier.
The Dangers of a Rebound
There’s a lot of negative stigmas around being a rebound, and for good reason.
Many times, people who seek a rebound relationship aren’t necessarily over the feelings they had for their ex.
Although there are no solid studies done on how long it should take to get over an ex, recent surveys and polls have shown that it takes around three and a half months to get over a relationship and even a year and a half to get over the breakup of a marriage!
If a guy begins to date a girl before this time frame, it’s a good sign she’s probably being used as a rebound.
This is unless, of course, the breakup occurred due to an affair with this new partner, in which case they were already together well before the relationship was over (also not good)!
Nevertheless, not allowing enough time to pass before dating someone new can have certain downfalls.
This is true if someone has been in a relationship for a long time, doesn’t know how to be alone, was in an unhealthy relationship, or simply isn’t ready to let their old relationship go.
Rebounds After Lengthy Relationships
Being in a relationship for a relatively long time can be comforting.
You know exactly what the other person wants sexually, emotionally, what they want to eat, their sleep schedule – virtually everything about them!
Having a long-term relationship can even boost your chances of getting married.
In fact, a 2002 study showed that couples who were in a relationship for two years had a higher chance of being happy after being married.
However, relationships longer than this also might not work out and lead to marriage.
Couples who have been in lengthy relationships but never married might be hesitating for a number of reasons. When they finally do break up, it can be extremely painful.
After a lengthy relationship, finding a rebound might be comforting, and if you’re the rebound, you might find it comforting to be with someone who showed such high commitment and loyalty to their last partner.
It’s important to note, however, that your partner might be comparing you to their ex.
This isn’t necessarily because they aren’t interested in you, but more that it just happens accidentally.
You could, for instance, suggest a restaurant to eat at, and suddenly your new partner states “Oh my ex loved that place!” Cue awkward silence…yep.
If you’re going to date someone who just got out of a long-term relationship, be ready to hear comments like this regularly, and feel free to share with your new partner how they make you feel.
Communicating with them about your feelings might help you get rid of that “rebound” title and develop a healthy relationship from the start.
Rebounds For Men That Don’t Know How to Be Alone
Jumping from relationship to relationship might seem exhausting to some. For others, it’s a way of life and a way to avoid addressing issues that come with being alone.
This can happen with men who constantly seek rebound relationships before allowing time to heal themselves.
People who are constantly jumping from relationship to relationship, also known as cushioning, don’t have a great sense of self and might continue to feel dissatisfied with their partners, according to the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center.
It’s all too common to continue to seek rebounds, and you might find yourself in a relationship with a serial cushioner!
If this is the case, it’s important to understand that your man has a lot of growing to do.
Although these men might show and even feel genuine feelings of love and affection toward you, in the long run, the relationship is bound to fail if your partner can’t find a way to gain a sense of self.
There’s really nothing you can do to fix this, and besides, you don’t want to “fix” someone either.
Instead, if you notice your man becoming way too affectionate way too soon or even getting a little too attached and insecure, it’s time to give them space to grow on their own.
You’ll know it wasn’t meant to be if he starts a new relationship right after.
Unhealthy Relationships and Rebounds
Unfortunately, men can also be victims of trauma, abusive relationships, and codependent relationships. Codependent relationships can develop due to:
- Domestic violence
- Emotional abuse
- Substance abuse
- Fear of abandonment or rejection
Codependent relationships can be extremely difficult to break free from, so much so that most people need professional therapy and help in order to end their codependency.
Although it’s always a good idea to get professional help to deal with issues stemming from unhealthy relationships and codependency, many people don’t.
An easier alternative might be to simply rebound into another relationship and start a new codependent relationship with you or someone else!
If you find yourself being the rebound after your new partner ended a codependent relationship, it’s a good idea to suggest to your partner they first seek therapy.
This might upset, or even anger your new partner.
However, if your partner is open about having been in an abusive relationship that recently ended, they should know that it’s not ok for them to depend on you to heal them.
Seth Myers, licensed clinical psychologist and author, suggests that women should never try to heal broken men, and vice versa. In a Psychology Today article he states:
“Though she desperately tries to help her partner, what she’s really trying to do is change him. Other men who are her equals and who are emotionally available often seem boring. What’s more, the love of a man who is emotionally whole wouldn’t seem like real love. For these women, love is about work and, sadly, suffering.”Seth Myers
This might seem like a hard pill to swallow, but if you’re a rebound and are trying to heal a man who needs help due to an abusive relationship or other issues, it’s best to seek help for yourself as well.
Once you and your partner are fully healed from past traumas, or at least able to cope with them on your own without the need for a new relationship, this is a good sign your feelings for each other are true love.
Inability to Let Go – The Rebound that Will Never Be
So far, all of the above types of rebounds might end up working out in the end.
For people with lengthy relationships, unhealthy relationships, or people who don’t know how to be alone, there’s still hope that with professional help they can heal and truly fall in love with their rebound. In the process, they can improve themselves.
However, there is one rebound situation where it will never work with your partner – if they’re unwilling to let go of a past relationship.
Why would a man get with a rebound girl while still being invested in their ex? Several reasons:
- To make them jealous
- To make them jealous
- To make them jealous
You read that correctly! If you find yourself being a rebound for a man that is only using you to make their ex jealous, run.
This relationship will never work. And even if it does, you will only ever be the second-best option that only happened because his ex refused to take him back.
You never want to be in this position, as it can cause feelings of resentment, hostility, and even self-esteem issues for you.
You’re better off seeking greener pastures and men that are available and don’t want to use you simply as a second choice. This type of relationship is and will never be true love. Sorry, not sorry.
Knowing When It’s True Love
As a woman, you might find yourself being the rebound of a man that simply wanted a new hand to hold, a new shoulder to cry on, even a new person to share their traumas with.
In the end, it’s all about knowing what is healthy and unhealthy.
Rebound relationships can work out, and some studies have shown that people seeking a new relationship immediately after a breakup aren’t necessarily all bad!
Some of these rebound seekers might be more confident and ready to start a new relationship, especially if their old relationship ended amicably.
If you feel there is no respect, sincere emotions, or have doubts about the relationship, your first point of action is to communicate your feelings with your new partner.
Never be afraid to take a step back from the relationship and encourage your partner to get help if they need it.
And remember, being a “rebound” can work…so long as you and your partner no longer see you as a rebound.