Someone who is submissive enjoys submitting to authority and often prefers being told what to do, both in and outside of the bedroom.
You can tell if someone is submissive by observing and identifying submissive behaviors in their everyday life.
Discovering that someone is submissive can help if you are interested in pursuing a relationship with a submissive partner or if you believe you may lean towards being submissive yourself.
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Being submissive typically means that an individual prefers being directed by another individual or by a person in a position of authority.
A person who is submissive in nature will prefer to be told what to do and may enjoy the same type of behavior in the bedroom.
Someone who is submissive will prefer to take orders and will relinquish any position of power they may hold outside of the bedroom if they are submissive in a sexual nature.
While those who exhibit submissive behaviors in everyday life such as in the home and at the workplace may be submissive in bed, this is not always the case.
In some instances, those who demonstrate submissive behaviors outside of the bedroom actually prefer to become more dominant in bed.
Being submissive in bed typically refers to preferring domination and taking orders from a partner for sexual pleasure and/or gratification.
Those who identify as sexually submissive may enjoy letting go of any and all power while in bed without directing the act of sex itself.
Individuals who are submissive in the bedroom prefer it when their partner takes control of the situation, directing every move and action.
A submissive sexual partner typically prefers to be commanded and told how to please their partner, rather than taking it upon themselves to do so without direction.
Because being submissive or dominant will vary from person to person, it is best to be honest with yourself if you believe you may have a submissive personality.
If you are interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who is submissive, it is also important to note that it is not always easy to tell if an individual is submissive without having an honest and open conversation.
Not everyone who is submissive in their daily lives will remain that way once they are behind closed doors with a partner.
In fact, oftentimes individuals who exhibit certain behaviors and personality traits in their daily lives may act the opposite when exploring their own sexual fantasies and preferences.
Without attaching sexual preferences, there are signs and personality traits to help identify a person who is simply submissive in nature.
Understanding the basic psychology of someone who is submissive can help you to identify a potential partner or to get to know yourself better if you believe you may be submissive yourself.
- Avoids conflict: Individuals who are extremely submissive will be more likely to avoid conflict or the potential of upset altogether. Individuals who are not comfortable with standing up for themselves or speaking their minds will find it difficult to embrace and confront conflict head-on.
- Lack of assertiveness: Those who have trouble speaking their mind or standing their ground are more likely to have a submissive personality. When someone finds it difficult to state what is on their mind in front of a group of peers or refuses to defend their position when peer pressure is involved, they likely have a submissive, not a dominant, personality.
- They loathe attention and the spotlight: If you have ever been around an individual who is more submissive, you have likely noticed the way they avoid the spotlight or attention altogether. Submissive individuals prefer to avoid the spotlight and, instead, would rather watch someone else receive attention.
- Past traumas: Although this is not a tell-tale sign, someone who has suffered through numerous past traumas is more likely to have a submissive personality. Past traumas (especially when they are not dealt with and treated) can leave lasting effects that cause individuals to recoil and to lose their own sense of self-confidence and self-worth. Individuals with years of trauma and pain are more likely to find it difficult to express themselves and to assert themselves in front of others.
- Emotional dependency: Oftentimes, individuals who are more submissive and have submissive personalities can be classified as emotionally dependent. Submissive individuals may find it difficult to live independently and to make decisions in their lives without reassurance and acceptance from others. When someone seems to need co-dependency when it comes to their relationships and life plans, they are much more likely to have a submissive personality.
Whether you believe you are more submissive in bed or if you are wondering if another woman in your life is submissive, here are a few potential signs to watch for.
While not all signs are clear indicators that someone is submissive, they help to better understand the general psychology of both men and women who prefer submissive roles, both in and outside of the bedroom.
- Lack of eye contact: You may notice a submissive woman will not always make direct eye contact. While this can mean a myriad of things, this can also indicate that she is shy, interested in you, or displaying her submissiveness.
- Easily agreeable: A woman who is easily agreeable and rarely argues is more likely to have a submissive personality. Women who are domineering and argumentative are more likely to hold dominant personality traits.
- She nods and agrees with you: When a submissive woman is into a partner, she will be more likely to nod, smile, and agree during conversations and while getting to know one another. A submissive woman will rarely interrupt a potential partner when they are speaking, especially if they are interested in them romantically. A submissive woman prefers handing over the spotlight to her date and potential partner.
- She doesn’t always show her teeth when smiling: Women who do not always show their teeth while smiling are submissive. Showing teeth while smiling indicates self-confidence, which is more prevalent in those who have a dominant personality. Women who are more submissive are more likely to smile with their mouths closed than they are with their mouths open.
- Leaning in towards partners: Leaning in towards a partner as a woman can indicate submissiveness, especially when around a dominant partner. While this is not always an indication of a submissive personality, it can indicate submissive personality traits, depending on the situation and relationship at hand.
- She holds her head and chin lower: A woman who lowers her head and chin when interacting with a romantic partner is showing off her ability to be submissive.
- She prefers you make plans: A submissive woman will rarely interject when a partner is making plans for their upcoming date. When she wants you to make plans and prefers that you work out all of the logistics, she is showing you the submissive side of her.
Similar to discovering the signs of a submissive woman, there are also some tell-tale signs that a man is submissive.
It is important to note that not all signs listed for both men and women are 100% accurate, as every person explores their sexuality and preferences on an individual basis.
However, we have found that many men who enjoy being submissive in the bedroom share a wide range of similar traits and personality quirks.
- He loves successful women: Men who enjoy playing a submissive role (both in and out of the bedroom) typically find themselves turned on by independent and successful women. They may be more attached to women who are successful, as they prefer to be dominated by them rather than being the dominator themselves.
- He has a thing for heels: Has your man ever mentioned how much he loves your heels? Does he like to dress up at times, even as a silly gag? If so, he may be attempting to connect with his inner submissive nature.
- He wants to be tied up: A man who has expressed his desire to be tied up is sharing his affinity for being submissive, even if he is not doing so bluntly or directly. When a man wants to be tied up, he accepts the ability to relinquish all power and control he has in his daily life to his partner. A man who prefers to be tied up will likely also prefer being commanded and told what to do by his partner.
- He wants his partner to take control: A man who wants to explore being submissive may express himself by desiring his partner to take more control of the situation whenever they are in the bedroom. Wanting a partner to take charge of sex is typically the clearest indicator that a man is submissive and/or interested in exploring fantasies that are submissive in nature.
- He is a gentleman: Who said chivalry was dead? A submissive man will enjoy being a gentleman and will rarely become demanding of his partner, even if he becomes sexually interested or excited.
- He might enjoy chores: If you are with a seriously submissive man, you may notice that he has an interest in cleaning and completing household chores. Many submissive men fantasize about doing laundry, cleaning, and taking care of housework as part of their submissive nature and personality.
- He is a caregiver in nature: Men who prefer to spend time with families, their partners, and their children may also exhibit more submissive behaviors than those who are always off working or traveling. Men who are caregivers have a submissive and more relaxed and kind nature, which may contribute to their sexual nature and preferences in the bedroom.
- He likes the demands of his partner: Many submissive men prefer women who will tell them what to do, even when outsiders see an imbalance in the relationship. A submissive man may desire a woman who is difficult to please, as it is in his nature as a submissive to constantly attempt to please and appease his partner, even if it is to his own detriment in some instances.
Determining whether or not someone is submissive is not always possible just by observing behaviors and personality quirks – you may need to ask.
However, once you familiarize yourself with the nature of submissive personalities and how submissive individuals interact and communicate, it is much easier to identify potential submissive men and women both in and outside of the bedroom.