Have you ever been on a date with someone who’s too shy to talk? It can be frustrating trying to get them to open up.
Keep reading for some tips and tricks on how to date a guy who’s shy – so that the two of you can have an amazing time together! We even dive into the best date ideas for shy guys, so be sure to keep reading.
Table of Contents
Know What He’s Looking For
In this sense, he’s no different from any other man. He might want someone who is happy to be quiet and not try too hard – but it could also mean that he wants someone he can discuss his interest with or a partner in crime who’ll help him explore new experiences.
Either way, you’ll have to do some digging around in order to figure out what he desires.
Make the First Move
Dating a shy guy goes hand-in-hand with taking the lead and giving him gentle pushes. This means it’ll likely be you that plans dates or starts conversations.
Some women don’t have any experience with this dynamic, so be prepared to make some changes to your dating strategy.
Don’t Talk About His Shyness
The first thing to remember is that talking about how quiet he is will only make him more nervous. He’ll probably already be feeling self-conscious about his lack of social skills – so avoid talking about anything he might not know.
It’s best to ask questions and let the talker (you) do most of the work in conversation. However, don’t try too hard to get a response out of him if it doesn’t happen naturally.
Avoid being forceful when offering an opinion or direction, as this also makes some people feel threatened and might cause them to withdraw from the discussion.
Don’t expect someone else to fulfil a need or desire you have. This will only make people uncomfortable and only discourages communication. It also increases their feelings of insecurity, which can lead to withdrawal from conversation due to their fear of being judged.
Take it Slow
If you’re a naturally talkative person, try to tone it down a bit so that he can keep up the pace. Don’t bombard him with questions or comments until he’s more comfortable talking.
Having patience will help the conversation flow. This doesn’t mean it should take hours and to avoid all topics. Rather, both people need time to speak about themselves before asking questions or bringing up new topics.
The best way to avoid these pitfalls is by having other activities ready so that if he does withdraw from an activity, you can switch gears smoothly.
Smile Often
Looking disinterested will only make him more nervous and shy, even if you don’t even realize you’re doing it. A smile can say a thousand words – so make it a point to smile, and he’ll feel a lot more confident when he’s talking to you.
Ask Questions
Let’s face it, this man isn’t going to talk on his own accord. He’ll be happy to just sit there and listen to you talk – but where’s the fun in that?
Start by asking him a few questions, like about his work or what movies he likes (quick tip: don’t ask too many movie-related questions because you can always watch the movie together next time!).
Knowing something about his passions and interests will make for easier conversation.
Build Up His Confidence
There’s a good chance he’s aware of how quiet or shy he is. In fact, he’s probably just an introvert – which can be a great thing! Unfortunately, society generally sees quietness as a negative personality trait, which he’s more than aware of.
As such, let him know that you like this side of him. For example, you could say “you’re such a great listener”.
Show Interest in His Interests
Let him know that you’re genuinely interested in his opinion or thoughts on something. This will help get both of your conversations going.
“You know, I really love the way you’re so passionate about what you do.” This is an open invitation for the other person to share how they feel!
What interests does he have that might get him going? If he’s a shy guy, talking about his passions will be one of the best ways to make him comfortable and get him to open up. You may notice how he suddenly springs into life and won’t stop talking!
Be Understanding
He probably hasn’t had many girlfriends in his life, so he might make mistakes along the way – and you’ll have to be patient while he learns his way around dating. Here are some helpful tips to implement if he’s never had a relationship before.
Don’t expect him to know things like figuring out where it’s appropriate to put his hands, how to initiate physical contact, and what are the appropriate things for him to say.
Recognize the Importance of Silence
Sometimes silence is necessary for conversations and isn’t really a bad thing. In fact, it allows someone else who may not have much confidence speaking their mind the opportunity to come up with thoughts on their own.
It’s also important because communication is done via body language and facial expressions – so you should also look for this type of communication.
Do an activity
Doing an activity will help him to feel more comfortable and get the conversation flowing. It doesn’t have to be anything too involved, just something that gets everyone’s energy up. Going for a dinner date is the biggest way to make him feel uncomfortable and make him even shyer.
Introducing a new hobby or sport can go really well with some people, but not others. In this case, you’ll have to be sensitive and gauge his interest in the activity before introducing it.
Don’t Expect Him to Initiate Intimacy
He’ll be thinking, “I really want to kiss her, but… is she feeling the same?” You’ll have to make it really obvious that you want that kiss.
Shy men are bad at initiating physical contact, so if you’re feeling bold enough, take a chance by leaning in 90% of the way.
Message Him After the Date
If the date went well, you could reassure him by sending a flirty text message. This will tell him that you’re interested in seeing him again – and if he’s feeling the same way, it’ll make his day!
Give Him a Chance
He can be really endearing. If you give him a chance, you’ll find that he’s actually quite charming and sweet. Unlike an obnoxious guy who does nothing but brag, this guy may stutter and be nervous because he thinks you’re so beautiful – which is kind of cute!
Look for Social Cues
Take note of any topics of conversation that make him nervous. He may use hand gestures or facial expressions as an indication that someone or something is making him uncomfortable.
You have your ways to tell people you’re no longer interested in what they’re saying, like moving away from them subtly, looking at something (anything) more interesting – so simply look for those cues!
Make sure your body language says “I’m comfortable around you” so that there isn’t any unease between both parties.
Top 10 Date Ideas for Shy Men
The best dates for shy guys revolve around activities that don’t involve long moments of silence. The key is to make him as comfortable and active as possible. Make sure you’re prepared with alternative suggestions if he tries backing out activities that make him nervous.
1. Movie Night
This is a great way to make him feel comfortable from the start. Relax things even further by breaking out a bottle of wine. Pick this date if you want one that’s low-key. You can even watch a movie from bed!
The conversation can last as long as he needs it to. It really doesn’t get any better when you don’t have to worry about being interrupted every two minutes by other people.
2. Art Gallery/Museum
Dating a shy guy is all about doing activities, and art galleries provide plenty to look at and talk about.
3. Boardgame Night
Unwind after work with an old favorite board game – or a new one for two – but remember to bring something to snack on!
4. Walk on the Beach
Pack up sandwiches, chips, and drinks before going out for a stroll along the beach. This is a relaxing environment, so he’ll probably feel more comfortable and not claustrophobic.
5. Chill at Home
Have a lazy day at home where you both can work on projects together without feeling too pressured to talk about anything deep or heavy.
6. Go Hiking
Hiking is a great date because it’s an activity that you can do together – and talk about after. You can also hike at the peak of sunset or sunrise, which makes beautiful views for romantic photos.
7. Bike Ride
Taking a bicycle out day or night is always fun, espeially along the coast during the evening hours. This date will be very romantic!
8. Walking Tour
This can be as simple or extravagant as you want it to be. Going on a walking tour (of any kind!) together will make for an unforgettable first date that doesn’t involve talking. This is great because it’ll take some time and energy, so he’ll be more likely to open up.
9. Lunch break during work
If he works nearby, ask him if he wants to meet up for lunch. This is a great way of getting know someone without having to talk much – and it’s also very easy on the wallet!
10. Go Out for Drinks
Drinking and confidence go hand in hand. You may want to go for drinks on your first few dates, which will allow him to slowly build his confidence and open up to you.
Once the ice has been broken, it’ll be a lot easier to go on dates that don’t involve drinking.
The Bottom Line
Dating a shy guy usually means taking a leadership role, which may be a huge change from what you’ve experienced before. You’ll need to ask yourself if you’re okay with this change.
If so, be patient with him. The more time you invest in him, the better your chances of finding out what makes him passionate and why he’s such a great person to spend time with.
It’s also important to make sure that he really is shy, rather than not interested in dating you. There’s a big difference.
