Have you accidentally or purposefully kissed someone when your other half was not there?
If so, you’re probably filled with nerves, doubt, and anxiety about what to do next.
Maybe you’re too scared to tell anyone in case they spill the beans to your partner, and you don’t know if you can bring yourself to tell them – especially when the definition of cheating isn’t really clear.
Keep reading to find out whether or not your kiss was considered cheating on your spouse, and what you can do about it.
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When Kissing Could Count as Cheating
A survey conducted by popular affairs website Ashely Maddison concluded that 44% of those surveyed thought kissing was not cheating, while 56% thought it did.
To give you an insight into why 56% of their members might have considered that, here are some reasons why kissing might be cheating:
1. What were the circumstances?
To know if kissing is classed as cheating or not, look at the situation you kissed the other person:
Were you drunk, high, or not in a place to make a conscious decision when you did it?
Did someone kiss you seemingly out of the blue?
If so, it may not be fully intentional. On the other hand, if you were sober and conscious, it could be classified as cheating if you had intentions behind the kiss.
2. What type of kiss?
What type of kiss did you engage in, and who was it with? If it was just a peck on the lips or cheek, then that’s not kissing at all. However, if you were playing a game of tonsil tennis with your tongues down each other’s throat, then it definitely could be cheating.
Depending on how intimate the kiss was could also indicate whether you’ve cheated or not.
3. Was there attraction?
If you’ve kissed someone (with tongue), it likely wasn’t done randomly. Even if it was a dare, it’s more than likely that you are actually attracted to the other person. It’s rare that kisses just happen randomly, and if you’re married, you should be committed to only your spouse.
4. Would you be upset if your partner cheated?
In these situations, it’s always best if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Think about how you would respond if you caught your partner cheating. Would you get a divorce?
If so, then you have the answer to your question.
5. It makes no difference whether or not the kiss was bad.
A kiss is a kiss, and it is cheating in some people’s eyes. If you experience a bad kiss, that’s no excuse to say it wasn’t cheating. A kiss should only be shared with your husband or wife.
Why Kissing Someone Else is Bad
Now you have a bit of an insight as to why kissing might be considered cheating, it’s important to understand why kissing is wrong when in a marital relationship. Don’t worry, we’re not here to scold you; we’re just here to help guide you in the right direction.
It could lead to something more.
Have you listened to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers? A famous line from their song goes, “It started out with a kiss – how did it end up like this?”.
Well, that’s exactly what could happen if you’ve kissed someone and not thought of it as cheating.
Most people in that situation get overwhelmed with the passion and intensity – and it often escalates to something more. Even if it was just a kiss the first time, lust could fuel a further desire to have more when you see the person the next time.
It’ll highlight the problems in your marriage.
When you kiss someone other than your partner, it’s usually a sign that something is lacking in your marriage. It could be because you’re seeking something in the other person that you don’t have or you’re feeling stuck in a loveless marriage.
Either way, this is wrong – and whatever you’re lacking, you should communicate your needs with your husband or wife or get a divorce.
It’s a complete breach of their trust.
Once trust is broken in any relationship, never mind a marriage, it can be tough to repair. Will your partner be able to trust you after you’ve done that? Will they be able to trust that it won’t happen again?
Kissing will fill your partner up with a lot of doubt, and there’s nothing you can do to control their thoughts or feelings of betrayal. It’ll be extremely hard to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
What Should You Do? How to Confess
If you’ve kissed someone else, the right thing to do is confess. Can you really trust the person you’ve kissed to keep quiet? Plus, you don’t know who else knows. Regardless, you should come clean first.
Make sure that you tell your spouse when you’re alone, in a private setting. Then, just be straightforward. Tell him or her every detail that took place.
Just be prepared; they’re not going to like what you did, and may not react well – but honesty is best in a relationship.
While we can’t guarantee what will happen to your marriage after you confess, just remember that if you were in their position, you’d want to know too. To get extra guidance, here are some resources that might help you:
- 20 Things You Need to Do if You Cheated on Your Husband
- 8 ways to save your marriage after you’ve broken your partner’s heart
- 15 Best Ways to Apologize for Cheating
- 5 Things Cheating Says About a Person
- 10 Reasons We Cheat, Even If We Love Our Partner
The Bottom Line
Kissing while married is often a subjective topic. For you to know if you’ve cheated, you should think about the situation and the type of kiss that took place.
Then, think about any sexual tension or attraction, and how you would feel if your partner did it. It’s most likely to be classified as cheating. Kissing can be really bad in a marriage as it can break trust and often lead to something else.
If you’ve kissed someone, it’s better to tell your spouse straightaway instead of them finding out from someone else. Similarly, if you’re thinking about kissing someone, you should speak to your partner and communicate with them openly, as it could be a major sign of underlying problems in your marriage.