Are you in a relationship that feels a little bit off? You’re dating him, but it still feels kind of casual. Some things are moving terribly fast (like sleeping together), while others are too slow (meeting his friends and family). You start to wonder what his deal actually is…
It might be that he’s a player and you are just a conquest – not a permanent girlfriend.
A guy who’s a player may show a lot of interest in you, but little interest in commitment or defining your relationship. This is usually the case because he’s seeing other women too. He’s keeping his options open and doesn’t see anything wrong with doing that.
He won’t admit to being a player, but he might brag about his sexual conquests and some of the things he says about women are questionable at best.
Dating a player can be incredibly frustrating because you never quite know where you stand with him. You can invest a lot of energy in the relationship, but in the end, it probably won’t go anywhere because he doesn’t want anything serious.
If you fall for a player, you will throw a lot of love his way and get little in return. After it’s over, you will be left heartbroken and wondering where it went wrong.
How can you tell that the guy you are dating is a player, especially when he treats you so well?
Here are 16 signs you’re dating a player.
Table of Contents
1. His words and actions don’t add up
This guy talks as if you will be together for a long time. He uses pet names and says how he wants to settle down. You are excited to get to know him, but nothing about his behavior shows that he’s a guy who wants to settle down. At least not with you or anytime soon.
You know he’s still on dating apps and occasionally see him swiping. He’s hard to pin down, and is often busy on Friday nights but doesn’t say with whom. He leaves you on read for days. This guy’s actions and words certainly don’t add up.
2. His moves feel performed
A player knows what to say and do to get a woman. It almost feels generic and rehearsed. His moves aren’t from the heart, it’s stuff he’s been practising with multiple women.
Because it’s all fake, he has no problem going over the top. He will say things like:
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”
“You know me better than anyone I’ve ever met.”
Don’t fall for it – this guy gets his lines from the movies. And you can be sure he’s using these phrases with multiple women.
Not only that, sometimes he seems to communicate only with emojis. Anything serious you try to ask him over text, he simply dodges or leaves on seen.
3. He won’t do labels
A player won’t call you his girlfriend because he doesn’t see you that way. The minute he allows labels, he will need to show some accountability and that goes against his nature.
He says stuff like:
“Let’s just enjoy each other.”
“Let’s see where this can go.”
He won’t say things that make you feel like he’s in a committed relationship with you. If you voice your concerns, he makes you feel like you’re making things up and being too serious about it.
He will probably make you feel like you are going crazy. He never quite agrees to anything and therefore he’s free to do as he likes, with whomever he likes. He is playing the field while also playing house with you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
This guy wants to have a girlfriend, but he doesn’t want to be a boyfriend – it’s too much responsibility.
4. He is sabotaging the relationship
A player doesn’t really end a relationship. He blows it up! He will do all the nasty things you’d expect a player to do, including:
- Never calling you after sleeping with you
- Standing you up after a few dates
- Leaving your messages on read
- Pretending like you never existed
He hopes that eventually, you’ll decide you’ve had enough. This way he doesn’t have to be the bad guy, or even the responsible guy, who has to talk to you about how he feels. Taking the time to end things requires self-awareness and respect and this guy does not respect you.
The sooner you kick him out of your life, the better. But make sure he knows that you know what his game is about.
5. He comes on too strong
When you first start dating a player, your chemistry will be off the charts. There’s an instant connection and you both feel it. He needs to see you again as soon as possible. He texts you all the time and you feel really special.
He is really direct and shows you that he desires you. He starts talking about sex on the first date and doesn’t seem shy about it at all. What do you do? You sleep with him after one of your first few dates.
And what does he do next? He disappears and you never hear from him again. It’s typical player behavior.
6. When things go well, he pulls back
A player won’t risk his date getting attached to him too quickly. This isn’t part of his plan. But, you are hooked, and you want to see him all the time. The sex is amazing and your chemistry is undeniable.
Then he suddenly disappears and you are left trying to figure out why. You will probably wonder what you said or did wrong. The sooner you realize that you were dating a player, the easier it will be to accept that things are over or they never even started.
7. You analyze what he says, a lot
A player is a bit of a walking contradiction. He says a lot of sweet things to you, claims that he adores you and loves being with you. But then he cancels on you last minute, coming up with some lame excuse that you just don’t believe.
He isn’t ready to introduce you to his family because “they are a bit too much.” He says a lot of things that make zero sense to you, so you spend a lot of time trying to analyze what he actually means.
You’ve got the nagging feeling that he’s lying to you, but he’s so handsome and charismatic that you just can’t resist his attention.
8. All his ex-girlfriends are crazy
Whenever you ask about his ex-girlfriends, he says something highly disrespectful – like they were all crazy – and plays the victim. You know that this is not an emotionally mature way of talking about past relationships.
And that’s another thing – you can’t get a sense of how long his longest relationship was. His social media accounts don’t tell a clear story either, just lots and lots of pictures with different women and no relationship history.
9. You never meet his family or friends
A player likes to keep his life a mystery. He won’t bring you home to meet his mom and never wants you to hang out with his friends. He does talk about his friends and family, he just keeps them away from you.
You get the feeling that you aren’t special enough to be introduced to them. You even worry that he might be embarrassed by you.
10. He refers to you as a friend
You bump into someone he knows and he doesn’t seem too eager to introduce you to them. If he does, he refers to you as his friend, not girlfriend. A guy who’s serious about you won’t do that. He would want people to know you are his girlfriend and would gladly show you off.
The reason he’s doing this is that he wants to keep his options open. Maybe you should keep yours open too and stop wasting your time on him.
11. He’s got lots of female friends
A straight guy with lots of female friends? That’s certainly unusual! And yet he seems to be surrounded by lots of random women. Half of them act all goofy around him, making you feel like he’s definitely hooked up with them in the past.
You are left wondering if he’s still having casual sex with any of them. Think you are more special than them? Think again!
12. The word “relationship” is a taboo
If you want to be a total buzzkill, simply ask the player where your relationship is heading, and watch him run for the hills. This is a dirty word, and he will do anything in his power to avoid that topic.
He’s showing you all the signs of a lack of commitment, so you better believe it. He won’t be changing his ways for you. Want to have a bit of fun with him? Sure! Just don’t start planning your wedding yet.
13. He is still online
It’s almost certain that a player always plays the field and maintains multiple online dating profiles. A quick search will show you that he’s still active, and the fact you’re sleeping together doesn’t seem to bother him.
Are you going to wait around until he changes, or are you going to accept that this guy isn’t serious about you or your commitment?
14. He’s a professional liar
A player can always tell a good story. He’s got that skill perfected. You know that half of the stuff he says to you is a total lie. How else would he get away with his behavior and not get caught?
He will cook up any story that helps him cover his tracks and it’s up to you to spot his lies and not fall for them. If it sounds too crazy to be true, it probably is!
15. He keeps coming back
When you’ve been involved with a player for a while, you know that there’s no such thing as goodbye with that guy. No matter how many times you call it quits, he keeps coming back into your life.
It’s either a text, a comment on a picture, a late-night “what’s up?”, or a cheeky Snapchat. He is testing the waters, and every time you oblige him with an answer, he wins. He is going to keep toying with your emotions and won’t promise you anything stable.
You need to recognize the cycle and break it before he does any more damage.
16. You know it in your gut
At the end of the day, your intuition is stronger than you give it credit. Listen to your gut when it tells you there’s something off about the guy you’re dating.
If you can’t trust him, why do you think he’s got any intention of having something serious with you? You know he’s toying with your feelings and will keep coming back as long as you let him.
You’ve got to respect yourself enough to break it off with him once and for all. Block his number and don’t let him come into your life or you won’t move on. A player won’t have remorse about his behavior, so it’s up to you to decide how much trouble you are willing to accept.