Dating after a long-term relationship can seem almost impossible. From feeling insecure to feeling like your next relationship is going to blow up like your last one, getting ready to date again is no small feat.
In fact, it can take anywhere from a month to years to be ready to date again. However, it’s not impossible to get into the dating pool and find a dedicated partner after a breakup.
If you find yourself considering a new relationship after you’ve just gotten out of a long-term one, read on below for tips that will help you. Help yourself and your future significant other have the best relationship possible!
Table of Contents
1. Make Time for Yourself
First and foremost, it’s important to have some alone time and make time for yourself after a long-term relationship ends. Experts say that being alone isn’t just good for your health but also eventually increases your social connections.
More importantly, being alone allows you to know what your individual attributes and traits are before you jump into another relationship. It can be difficult for anyone to learn how to be alone after a relationship, especially if you spent every minute with your ex. By learning to be alone, you appreciate who you are as a person without your ex. You can then use this knowledge when looking for a new partner.
2. Have an Understanding Partner
It’s important to let your new partner know about any issues you might have from a previous relationship, and it’s equally important that they understand your struggles beforehand. We don’t mean take your baggage and issues from previous relationships to your new partner, what we mean is to let your new partner know about any values you’re looking for in your new relationship.
If your old partner was unfaithful or spent too much time at work, for example, let your new partner know about how this made you feel and why you want to avoid these issues in your new relationship.
3. Set Boundaries Early On
Just like letting your partner know about the issues that contributed to the fall of your last relationship, it’s important to set boundaries early on. If you feel like you need a certain amount of alone time during the week or want to make weekend date nights a priority, let your partner know ahead of time.
Setting boundaries is one of the best ways to communicate with your partner and is one of the most important parts of any successful relationship.
4. Consider Therapy
Some breakups are worse than others. This is especially true if your breakup was due to abuse, having an insensitive partner, or even just losing yourself in the relationship. You’ll know when you’re ready to be in a new relationship, just like you’ll know if you need professional help to heal from a past one.
If you find yourself constantly questioning yourself and feeling depressed after a long-term relationship, it might be time to consider talk therapy to help you get your feelings situated. There are an incredible amount of benefits to counseling and therapy that can help you not only get better and date after a breakup but also handle life in general.
5. Consider Grief Counseling
It can be extremely traumatizing to find yourself single after losing your significant other, and it’s not enough to just “get over” your ex before dating again. Consider getting a grief counselor to help you heal from losing your loved one.
Grief counseling can help you build a new identity, develop new ways of coping with your loss, and also help you to form new relationships. It’s important to know that you can grieve not just for losing a loved one, but also for a broken heart.
6. Avoid Old Date Night Spots
Depending on how much you miss your ex, or how likely it is you’ll be triggered by old memories, it’s best to avoid old date-night spots with your new partner. Consider having dates at brand new places and restaurants and doing activities your new partner likes.
Does your new significant other like rock climbing or playing sports? Do they have an interest in art that your ex never did? Find a way to not just avoid triggers, but also to connect with your new partner by finding new date night spots.
7. Stay Off Social Media
Social media can be a great way to connect with family and friends. However, it can also be the source of grief if you find yourself looking at your ex’s social media posts, or having to answer questions from friends about your breakup.
Being on social media can also cause you to feel pressured to post pictures or updates on your new relationship when you’re not ready. Take a break from social media while starting your new relationship and avoid speaking to others and answering questions you’re not comfortable with. It’s no one’s business but yours how your new relationship progresses.
8. Don’t Bring Up Your Ex Constantly
If you’re constantly bringing up your ex in front of your new partner, this is a sign that you’re not 100% over them and that you might need some more counseling, therapy, or simply more alone time to truly be ready to commit to another relationship.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and realize bringing up your ex can make them feel jealous, insecure, and even insignificant compared to your previous long-term relationship. This can lead them to stop dating you or simply give you more time to be alone before getting into a new relationship with you.
9. Look for Your New Mate’s Best Traits
No two people are the same, and that includes your new significant other. If you find it uncomfortable dating or constantly thinking about your ex and how great they were, realize that your new partner can be just as amazing!
Focus on the best traits from your new partner, even if it’s something small like them holding the car door open for you. Do they have a unique career? Did they study interesting subjects in school, or do they have different interests? Any of these can be great traits in a person, and focusing on those can not only make your new partner feel more secure in your relationship but also help them feel cared for.
10. Never Compare Relationships
Just like you should focus on the great traits of your new partner, you should never compare your old partner to your new relationship. Perhaps your new boyfriend or girlfriend has a lower-paying job or drives an older vehicle. Or, they might even have a weird quirk, such as laughing way louder than your ex. So what?
It is important to bring up issues that can be bothersome to you, but comparing even the slightest details about your ex to your new partner can be off-putting and lead to your new partner feeling insecure or just plain annoyed. The bottom line is: if you don’t have anything nice to say about your partner, don’t say it at all!
11. Consider How Much You’ve Grown
If you started a long-term relationship when you were younger, such as dating your high school sweetheart, chances are you’ve grown a lot since the start of your relationship. Breaking up can have a significant impact on your identity, and it might feel as if you’ve lost yourself in the relationship.
Take some time to reflect on the type of person you’ve become and how much you’ve grown since the start of your relationship. You’ve obviously grown not just in age, but also in values and interests. If this is the case, consider how this growth is beneficial to your new relationship.
12. Get On the Same Path As Your Partner
For any relationship, you’ll want the same goals as your new partner. If you find yourself just getting out of a long-term relationship, it’s important to get on the same page or path as your new partner.
Discuss what you both want out of this new relationship and how you’ll get there together. Is your goal marriage, a casual fling, or another serious relationship? Put the discussion on the table ahead of time!
13. Don’t Jump Into Commitment
Equally as important as getting in sync with your new partner is not jumping into commitment so easily. It can be difficult to know how to be alone after a relationship. You might even feel insecure due to your long-term relationship ending. However, don’t jump into a commitment before you’re ready.
By being in a committed relationship, you owe it to your partner to be 100 percent over your ex and guarantee that you’re ready to be their significant other. If you’re not ready for commitment, that’s completely ok! Just make it clear ahead of time with your new partner, or partners, that you’re looking to date rather than commit. No one will blame you for this, but rather, your truthfulness will be respected and valued.
14. Stay Positive
If you’re finding it difficult to date after a long-term relationship, remember that it’s important to stay positive and view this situation in a different light. Yes, breakups hurt, but they also provide an opportunity for you to really know yourself and prepare yourself for your best relationship yet.
Never bring a negative attitude or pessimism to a new relationship. Instead, have a positive mindset whether it’s on a date, starting new relationships, or even starting new friendships.
15. Set Other Goals Besides Dating
Who said you have to date after your long-term relationship ends? Instead, set other goals for yourself besides dating. Have you always wanted to travel but couldn’t due to your partner? Do you want to start school or change career paths, or even move to a new city?
All these things are possible after a long-term relationship ends. You can easily start a new life, begin to see the benefits of being single, and set other goals besides dating. When you are ready to date, you can be sure you’re the best possible version of yourself.
16. Put Yourself Out There
Dating can be hard for anyone, and if you just got out of a relationship, it can be difficult to re-enter the dating game. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to put yourself out there, from setting up dating profiles online, to meeting up with friends, to going out for a night on the town.
If you feel you’re ready to date but don’t know where to start, any of the above ideas are a good way to get into the dating game again!
17. Only Date When You Can Be Vulnerable
Being vulnerable might be one of the most important aspects of any relationship. The inability to be vulnerable can lead to you feeling as if you can’t share your deepest feelings with your partner, or even feeling as if you’re lacking a sense of genuine intimacy.
Feeling vulnerable can be scary, but it opens you up to a genuine, loving relationship. Only date after a long-term breakup when you can be vulnerable. If you feel you don’t know how to be, consider getting the help of a therapist or support group.
18. Make Sure You’re Fully Healed
If you were in a long-term relationship with someone who was abusive or had a blowout with your former partner, this can cause unresolved trauma. Unresolved trauma can not only create feelings of depression and anxiety but also negatively impact future relationships.
If you’re seeking counseling or therapy, ask for advice regarding when the best time is to date and make sure you get help from a professional to fully heal from any past trauma.
19. Journal Your Emotions
Journaling can be one of the most effective ways to release emotions, help you clear your mind, and help you plan out your future plans and goals. Journaling can even be helpful when you have a new partner. Consider journaling when starting your new relationship to help you keep track of emotions, your new relationship, and any other feelings after your long-term relationship.
20. Don’t Date Until There’s No Chance of Reconciliation
Contrary to popular belief, being friends with your ex might not be the best idea when getting into a new relationship. However, if you do choose to be friends with your ex, it’s important to make it known to your significant other and your friends that there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation.
This is especially important if you and your ex share the same friends and still attend gatherings together. If you continue to be “friends” with your ex, consider the impact it will have on your new partner and be sure to set boundaries.
