Finding the perfect guy can be a real challenge. With so many toads out there, it’s nearly impossible to find your prince. But you lucked out and found the love of your life, and he’s sweet, attentive, and absolutely amazing. However, a problem has surfaced that could completely destroy all you’ve built with your dream guy: his ex wants him back.
You might be distraught, jealous, and unsure how to proceed – you don’t want anything to jeopardize your near-perfect relationship with your dream guy. So, what is your next course of action? Well, it all depends on whether your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex and is considering leaving you to get back with her.
One thing that you shouldn’t do is sit around and cry all day, nor should you yell at your boyfriend and accuse him of doing anything without proof that he’s done anything wrong. The only way to handle this situation – if you expect to come out of it unscathed – is to be completely rational. Here is a list of 7 things that you should do if your beloved’s ex-girlfriend wants him back, instead of immediately jumping to conclusions and making any hasty decisions.
Table of Contents
1. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your beloved
Obviously, your boyfriend was honest enough to come to you and tell you that his ex wants him back; he could have been like many guys and kept it to himself. You at least owe it to him and yourself to sit down and find out how he really feels and what he wants to do. Does he want to stay with you, or does he want his ex back?
If your guy is as honest as he appears to be, he should freely admit whether he still has feelings for his ex. However, you must keep in mind that he may be hesitant because he doesn’t want to break your heart. Still, it is important for you to be honest with him about how you feel about the situation, and you should coax him into admitting how he really feels.
2. Give him the space he needs
It can be a major shock to learn that your boyfriend’s ex wants him back, but you need to consider how he feels as well. Even if he doesn’t reciprocate his ex’s feelings, he still needs time to process everything and decide how to proceed without hurting anyone. If it’s meant for you two to remain together, then things will work out in your favor, so all you can do is hope for the best and not hound him for a decision until he’s had adequate time to think.
3. Don’t completely lose it
Just because your beloved’s ex wants him back doesn’t mean that your whole world is falling apart. Of course, you may feel that way, but you need to keep yourself as calm as possible and wait to see what your boyfriend decides to do. If you completely lose it and tell off your boyfriend and his ex, you might increase your chances of him deciding to leave you just because he thinks you’re unstable.
By handling the situation calmly and rationally, even though that may be the opposite of how you feel, you make yourself more appealing to your boyfriend. Most men want a woman who is cool and calm when unexpected situations arise, so you should find other, more appropriate ways of releasing your negative feelings, such as working out, meditation, or something else positive.
4. Refrain from contacting his ex
If you found his ex’s Facebook or other social networking profile, you might be tempted to contact her behind your boyfriend’s back. Even if what you plan to say to your boyfriend’s ex is neutral, or even positive, you should refrain from contacting her. This woman is his ex, and he alone needs to handle the situation without your meddling. If you contact her, you could just complicate the entire situation. You want the situation to be over as quickly as possible, not worsened or prolonged because you’re taking things upon yourself to handle things.
You should absolutely refrain from contacting his ex if you are going to say negative things to her. How would that help the situation? It’s not going to help, in fact, it’s just going to make things much worse and make you look immature – which is something you definitely don’t want.
5. Don’t hesitate to lay down some rules
If, after your ex has had some time to think about things, he decides he wants to stay with you but be friends with his ex, this could make things pretty complicated. The ex obviously wants to rekindle things with your boyfriend, and the fact that he wants to become friends with her is asking for trouble. Not feeling comfortable with him being friends with his ex is normal, but if you voice this to him it may push him away.
Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if you were friends with one of your exes. Guys sometimes expect to be allowed to do some things in a relationship that they don’t want their mate doing. This is not fair, and you shouldn’t allow it to happen.
Don’t be afraid to come up with ground rules that he needs to follow if he wants to maintain his friendship with his ex while remaining in a relationship with you. He must agree to follow these ground rules, otherwise, things could get out of hand and fail to work out in the long run. Just make sure that the rules are fair and they’re something you’d be willing to follow if the tables were turned and your ex wanted you back.
6. Be aware of what’s going on in your relationship
If your boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t want his ex back and wants to stay with you, that’s wonderful – as long as he doesn’t have an ulterior motive. While you don’t want to accuse him of cheating on you with his ex without actual proof, you should keep your eyes open to see if he starts acting differently. Some men, even those who are relatively honest, can feel torn between a past and current love.
You want to ensure he’s not seeing his ex behind your back while continuing to have a relationship with you. His behavior inside and outside the bedroom will tell you if things have changed. Has he been staying out later than usual without giving you a clear answer as to where he’s been? Hiding text messages? Going outside to take phone calls? Smelling like another woman’s perfume?
You don’t want to behave like a jealous girlfriend, but if your boyfriend is showing signs of cheating with his ex, sit down with him and discuss your concerns. Speak to him calmly and lovingly, as you don’t want to start an argument or accuse him of something based on merely circumstantial evidence. Besides, if he sees how calm and loving you are, he might be more willing to come clean if he has in fact been seeing his ex on the side.
7. Don’t compare yourself to his ex
You’ve likely seen pictures of your man’s ex on social media, and you may be comparing yourself to her. Perhaps you feel like you need to lose 15 pounds before you can have a super-slim figure like your boyfriend’s ex, or you feel she’s smarter than you because she has a master’s degree and you only have a bachelor’s.
Regardless of why you may be comparing yourself to your sweetheart’s ex, you will only drive yourself crazy. Evidently, she wasn’t so perfect if he’s no longer with her. Don’t allow yourself to feel inferior to her, because chances are, your boyfriend doesn’t compare the two of you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Relationships can be complicated, and it isn’t uncommon for an ex to want to get back together with a guy she once loved and was in a relationship with. A guy’s current girlfriend can certainly be caught off guard and not know how to appropriately handle the situation. Here is a list of common questions and their answers that some women in this situation may have.
My boyfriend’s ex contacted him out of the blue – after we’d been dating for six months – and wants him back. Now he’s texting her all the time, even though he claims they’re just friends, and I feel so angry and jealous that I want to go through his phone and see what they’re texting. Is this wrong?
It is certainly understandable that you feel the way you do. You’ve been in a wonderful relationship with a guy you love and now his ex has come along and is trying to tear you two apart. While your feelings aren’t wrong, choosing to invade his privacy and go through his phone is. Think, would you want him going through your phone? Why don’t you sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you’re feeling? Calmly explain that you feel like you’re losing him and that you don’t feel comfortable with him being so chummy with his ex.
If he really loves and respects how you feel, he’ll ditch the friendship with the ex and focus on his relationship with you. However, if he doesn’t and you continue to feel angry and jealous, you might need to reevaluate whether continuing a relationship with him is healthy. You shouldn’t have to feel angry and insecure all the time in a relationship.
My boyfriend’s ex keeps contacting me through social media in attempt to provoke me, and it’s working! She keeps sending pictures of her and my boyfriend in romantic situations from when they dated, and she calls me vile names and tells me she doesn’t know why he’s with someone like me. How should I handle this?
This woman obviously has a very serious problem. You do not have to be harassed because your boyfriend has a psycho ex-girlfriend. First of all, you have the ability to block his ex-girlfriend so she can no longer harass you via social media. If you’re not sure how to block someone, you can contact support for that platform.
You also need to tell your boyfriend what’s going on so he can take appropriate action. Perhaps he can gently explain to her that she needs to stop contacting you and remind her that he doesn’t want her back, regardless of what she does. Maybe she’ll listen and maybe she won’t, but you can’t continue to allow her to get to you.
Now you can see why things didn’t work out between your boyfriend and his ex, because if she’s behaving in this manner now, who knows how she behaved during their relationship? Don’t let yourself get caught up in the madness of her behavior, nor should you allow her to come between you and your boyfriend. If he loves you as much as you love him, then you two can definitely get through this.
My boyfriend’s ex wants him back and he told me that he loves us both and can’t choose. What should I do?
There is nothing worse in a relationship than being stuck in a love triangle. However, you have the ability to remove yourself from the “triangle” if your boyfriend can’t decide which one of you he wants. He certainly can’t have you both.
Once you’ve explained that he must make a decision and you’ve given him an ample amount of time to determine who he wants, you need to break things off if he still can’t decide. Explain that if he can’t make a decision, that you’ve made the decision for him because it isn’t fair to you or the ex-girlfriend to leave you both in limbo while he decides who he wants to be with.
My boyfriend’s ex, with whom he has a 16-month-old son, wants to rekindle their former relationship. Even though he declined, she keeps popping up at his house while I’m there, asking for things and hanging out for hours with their son. I am getting fed up. How do I handle this situation?
Unfortunately, it sounds like the ex is using the baby to try and tear you two apart. You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him exactly how you feel. If he’s reasonable, he will restrict these unexpected visits and explain to her that she has to respect your relationship. He should explain that she can drop off their son when a prearranged time has been agreed upon, but she can’t just stop over anytime she pleases.
If your boyfriend doesn’t see that this is a problem, then you may be forced to end the relationship, which, of course, is exactly what she wants. While you don’t want to give her exactly what she wants, if your boyfriend doesn’t see her behavior as a problem, then he’s the one who is allowing her to break you guys up, so you shouldn’t feel at fault.
Is there ever a situation where an ex-girlfriend wants to be with her ex-boyfriend and his current girlfriend, or is this just weird and kinky?
This isn’t weird as it seems and actually happens more often than people might think. However, it is often difficult for three people to maintain a relationship like this because of jealousy and unrealistic expectations from one or more of the people involved. Most people who agree to be in such a relationship often do so in order to fulfill a fantasy rather than to remain in a long-term, committed relationship.