So, all your friends have boyfriends and you don’t. Should you be worried?
It can feel tough to be the only single girl in a group of friends. You have the feeling that everyone is aware of it and it makes them feel awkward in your presence. Don’t worry, nine out of ten times you are imagining it!
People don’t spend as much time thinking about us as we think they do. And at the end of the day, everyone has their own path in life and their own timeline. You can’t do things just because your friends do them, yet you can’t help but feel like you are missing out on all the great things about having a boyfriend.
When everyone else has a boyfriend, you spend less time with friends and more time on your own – and that can be lonely and a little scary. You are forced to focus on yourself and where your life is going.
You feel left behind and you don’t even know how it happened. All your friends are busy with their boyfriends and being the third or the fifth wheel just gets old.
Have you wondered why you’re the only single one? This is why all your friends have boyfriends except for you.
1. Your friends have lower expectations
One way to make yourself feel a lot better about being single is by accepting that perhaps all your friends are dating because they have chosen to settle. That’s right, they just have lower expectations!
What is the chance that each one of your friends has met their prince charming, yet you can’t even get a guy to ask you out? Just doesn’t make sense, right?
You know you have high expectations for who you date, and that’s totally fine. Just make sure your expectations aren’t too unrealistic or you will be single for a long time.
2. Your friends started dating earlier
If your friends have had a few boyfriends already, they are probably just more experienced than you. It gets easier to get a boyfriend after you’ve been dating for a while.
Flirting is easier, courting is easier, knowing how to present yourself in the best light on a first date is easier.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, and don’t be threatened by their experience. You can learn from your friends about how to get a guy’s interest by being genuinely curious about it.
3. You might be high maintenance
As much as it isn’t healthy to put blame on yourself for being single, it’s also important to be self-aware and be able to look at things objectively. Are you a little high maintenance? Maybe you are a bit of a nag? Or do you have a reputation for being a drama queen?
Perhaps guys approach you, but you just give off the wrong vibe and they lose interest pretty quickly.
It’s possible to be a super attractive girl and still put men off from asking you out. Don’t assume that attractiveness alone will be enough to get a great boyfriend, you have to work on your personality too.
4. You are still hooked on your ex
How do you expect to get a boyfriend when you can’t let go of your past? Your ex is an ex for a reason! If you still text him, stalk him on Facebook, and cry yourself to sleep, you won’t have the confidence you need in order to attract someone new and better.
Even worse, you will probably talk about your ex to any guy who asks you out – a major turn-off!
Yes, it can be hard to let go of an ex, especially if you thought you were perfect together. But it’s essential for your growth to be able to look forward and not linger on the past.
5. You don’t have a good wing woman
If all your friends are dating, it’s natural that you are left on your own to try and start a conversation in a bar or go out clubbing. All your friends are playing house with their boyfriends, and you are in desperate need of a good wing woman.
Perhaps it’s time to get a bit more creative in terms of how you meet guys. Just an idea!
6. You are just too lazy to date
You say you want to get a boyfriend, but do you really? Or are you a lot more comfortable living your life as a single woman and enjoying never having to compromise?
If you are used to being single, it can be really hard to break out of that pattern and get excited about dating again. You join a dating app and after a few back-and-forths with a cute guy, you stop replying.
What is wrong with you? With this attitude, you will be alone on your couch every Friday night for the rest of your life!
Recognize when your laziness is getting in the way of you making an effort, and change your ways.
7. You are a workaholic
Workaholics don’t really have time to date, and when they do, they usually mess it up by spending too much time at work instead of with their partners. If you are obsessed with your career’s progression and your dating life is in ruins, it’s time to re-assess your priorities.
You can still be good at your job and have a social life. Make sure you aren’t using your job as an excuse not to be available for dates.
8. You’ve been hurt in the past
If you’ve had one too many heartbreaks in the past, it’s natural to not feel ready to date again. However, remember that not all guys are the same. Every other person you date won’t end up treating you like your ex-boyfriend did. You just need a little trust!
The best way to build trust with a new guy is to open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It can be scary to do that, but it’s the best way to get to know someone properly and find out whether they are worth your time and energy.
9. You love single life too much
Single life is awesome! There is so much you can do without having to worry about someone else. You want to party, travel, and explore the world, and no man can stand in your way. You also love flirting shamelessly and aren’t exactly ready to give that up.
10. You refuse to matchmake
Your friends, want you to be happy and seeing your sad, single face doesn’t make them feel good. If a friend offers to introduce you to another single friend, just say yes! What’s the worst that could happen?
When you are too prideful to accept matchmaking help, you are closing yourself off to numerous possibilities. Don’t forget that all the great men will eventually be taken, and it will be even harder to find someone.
11. No one is your type
It’s okay to have a type, it can help us be clear on who we really like. But when that type gets in the way of giving a guy a chance, it’s time to rethink things. Do you go to a party full of guys, take one quick look, realize no one is your type, and just despair?
Sticking to a type is such a superficial way of looking at men and dating. Your type should be someone who can keep an interesting conversation for hours. Someone who can make you laugh until your belly hurts. Someone who’s got a big personality. Someone who likes you.
Forget about physical appearance for a moment and just let yourself be surprised by who grabs your attention.
12. You don’t want to hang out with single girls anymore
When you’ve been single for a while, you might start to feel a bit worthless. Instead of focusing your energy on hanging out with single girls, you avoid them like the plague.
Why is that?
They just seem to remind you of you. You feel like you’re failing and don’t want to be surrounded by similar people. However, this vicious circle can really get in your way of meeting someone.
The other sad truth is that you probably see other single women as competition, and you don’t feel like being compared to them by guys. This is an unhealthy way of living, and you know it.
By changing your view on other single women and being more supportive, you will change your view of yourself too, which will ultimately make you feel more confident.
13. You are on the wrong dating apps
There is such an abundance of dating apps that it’s easy to get lost! One of the reasons why all your friends have boyfriends, but you don’t, could simply be because you are spending your time on the wrong dating app.
There more apps than Tinder you know! Tinder works for some women, but not all. And again, this is about more than just dating. This is about networking, meeting groups, and taking part in new activities.
You could meet the man of your dreams on a weekend hike. Or during a book sale event in your local church. Or at a book reading in a library. Keep your options open, you never know!
What can you do if you are the last single girl in your group of friends?
It’s easy to despair and to feel bad about your single status. Accept that feeling bad is okay, but don’t dwell on it too much.
Watch what language you are using when you describe yourself to others. Do you use any of the following phrases?
- I am the single friend.
- I am just the spinster in the group.
- Oh, I haven’t had a boyfriend in ages.
- I am going to die alone.
This kind of negativity breeds all sorts of problems and really doesn’t help you feel good about yourself. Have you heard about the law of attraction? It’s time to reframe your mind and how you view yourself.
What about how you act among coupled friends?
Don’t feel bad hanging out with your friends who are in a relationship. Just because they are dating doesn’t mean that they don’t love you anymore. And you never know who they might introduce you to.
Be more open-minded and be happy for your coupled friends. Remember the law of attraction!
Disclaimer: you don’t have to put up with smug couples, no one likes them anyway. If a couple is consistently showing off their perfect relationship, while belittling you for being single, it’s time to stop hanging out with them.
If you really want to get a boyfriend, your time will come
There is something quite reassuring in the belief that if you do want to be loved, you will be loved. If you want to get a boyfriend, it will eventually happen. Don’t fixate on it. Don’t dwell on it. Just live your best happy single life and remember to keep your eyes (and options) open.
And if you don’t want to have a boyfriend, that’s also fine. Maybe you need this essential single time in order to get to know yourself better and to grow as an individual.
Just because everyone else is in a relationship shouldn’t make you feel like a failure, especially if you know exactly how beneficial it is for you to be single.