We’ve all been there. You’ve been seeing an awesome guy, and you totally click, yet he won’t make things official. He invites you over all the time, and you even feel like you’re his girlfriend. I mean, you sleepover, watch movies, cuddle, make dinner together! You even go out on date nights.
If you feel you’re being strung along in a “situationship” it’s time to reflect. Have you been introduced to his friends? His family? Does he post you on social media? Does he embrace you fully as part of his life, or keep you comfortably on the side-lines until Friday night rolls around?
Men string women along for different reasons. Often, they love the feeling of being cared for by someone and having a person to spend time with, but there are reasons they cannot or don’t want to, fully commit to you.
In this blog, we’ll touch on 7 reasons he might like having you around without truly committing to you as his girlfriend.
Table of Contents
1. He’s Lonely
A common reason that men keep women around – even when they aren’t serious about starting a relationship with them – is that they are truly, honestly very lonely.
For a lot of people, it’s hard to spend time on their own, and they don’t like the idea of not having someone there to spend time with on weekends or call on the phone if something crappy happens.
He likes the idea of having you right there for his emotional needs and comfort but doesn’t really want to start a real relationship with you.
If you’ve been giving him the emotional security and experience of being his girlfriend – without actually moving to that step in your relationship – it’s time to have a conversation about it.
Often, if men are comfortable with the way things are and getting what they want out of it – why would they want to make any changes?
2. He’s Insecure
Along with being lonely, some men need to have a woman – or plenty of women – around to make them feel better about themselves.
Many people associate being alone or being single with not being valuable or attractive, and having someone who wants to be with us helps our self-esteem.
In fact, it might be helping his ego even more that you want to date him – and you show it – and he’s just as happy being without you.
This way, he thinks that you are super into him, maybe even obsessed with him, treating him like a king even though you aren’t his queen at this point.
Make sure you aren’t stroking his ego too much.
It might be better for you to not be so readily available to a man who hasn’t committed to you yet.
Make plans with friends, don’t wait on his text and calls, and make sure that you haven’t tied yourself down to a man who hasn’t even asked you to commit to him!
3. He Enjoys the Sex
This is the most obvious reason of all. Have you ever heard of the saying: “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
It’s a terrible saying, and by no way am I equating your lovely self to a cow, BUT if we really take a moment to think about it… it’s completely accurate.
This man doesn’t feel as though he needs to commit to you; he is already getting the benefits of a long-term relationship without it.
In fact, if you’re having sex with him and you aren’t even sure he’s committed solely to you, he might be doing the same thing with many women!
Men are very sexual beings, and evolutionarily speaking, they enjoy a chase.
If you’ve given him your body after a small amount of effort on his part, he’s already won the game. The chase is over. He has you: your body, your heart, and your loyalty.
Think about that next time you let a man who hasn’t committed to you have access to your body.
4. He’s Seeing Other People
He might not want to commit to you because he is enjoying playing the field. If he’s not certain about a relationship with you, he is most likely texting, calling, and dating other girls.
Think about it, if you already share a connection and basically act as though you’re in a relationship – why wouldn’t he want to make it official?
Because he isn’t sure. He isn’t convinced that he’s ready to give up his single-ness and freedom to be with you.
When a man isn’t sure, you better believe he is still out there looking for someone who will give him the feeling of absolute certainty.
And, unfortunately, that girl will probably be a lot harder to “get”.
She won’t give him girlfriend treatment without being his girlfriend.
She won’t give him wifey treatment without being his wife.
She stands her ground, and he enjoys the chase.
That, you can be confident about almost 100 percent of the time.
So, if he hasn’t committed to you, don’t be naive.
He’s probably seeing other people.
So, what’s holding you back from doing the same?
5. He Has Commitment Issues
Some men are scared – point-blank.
They’ve been hurt before, and they take a while to feel comfortable enough to get back into a relationship.
Along with this, some men come with baggage and issues that occurred long before you entered his life. He might be struggling with abandonment issues from his childhood or conflict with his parents.
There are a lot of reasons why men have commitment issues.
Ultimately, you need to communicate your desire to be in a serious relationship instead of being strung along.
This way, he can decide whether he’s willing to do the inner work to feel comfortable with dating, loving, and potentially losing someone once more.
Dating is hard, and it’s often scary; no one is safe from heartbreak.
Some people prefer to stay single and keep a healthy distance so that they won’t get hurt.
In reality, you’ve already started building a relationship and a connection. Regardless of the title, ending things will be hard.
So, why not support him and ask him to give the relationship a real chance?
But, don’t beg. If he doesn’t want to commit to you and give you the effort and attention you deserve, you should be ready to release your commitment to him and continue on with your life.
6. He is Selfish
Often men know that you could be with someone else or “playing the field” and they don’t want to lose you.
They like the way things are – they enjoy having access to you and being treated like your boyfriend without the responsibility.
To keep you from seeing what’s up their sleeve, they make you feel like you might get the commitment you crave soon.
They might say things like: “I can’t wait to make you my girlfriend/wife someday.”
They might start calling you cute pet names like “baby” or “boo” and call you out of the blue to check in on you.
Basically, men are very good at keeping you thinking that they will commit, even if they won’t.
They know that any little bit of sweet treatment or “boyfriend” duties they do for you keeps you hanging on and waiting for the day you are finally in a real relationship.
The reality is, just because he knows the role and can put on his “boyfriend pants” whenever you start to question him or get upset about the lack of commitment doesn’t mean he’s ever going to truly put a ring on you.
You need to do better for yourself. If he’s treating you like his girlfriend or wife without the commitment, you need to start wondering why. And, you need to move on if it doesn’t match your needs.
7. He is Benefitting
Women are nice. Very nice.
When women really like someone – or even love them – they are totally happy with paying for sweet gifts, supplying groceries, or cheffing up some delicious home-cooking.
It’s incredibly easy for men to reap the rewards of having a sweet and caring girlfriend without even having to truly commit to her.
Women often feel like they need to “prove” themselves as good girlfriends so that men will want to commit.
So, if they show that they know how to keep a clean house (even if that means cleaning his dirty apartment or doing his laundry) or cook yummy meals, it might make their man want to commit so she won’t give this treatment to anyone else.
But really, think about it. Just like the discussion above about sex and physical intimacy, why would a guy feel compelled to commit to you if he’s already receiving everything he could ever want WITHOUT having to step up in any way?
He’s sitting first class when all he paid for was an economy. Hello, free upgrade! He’s living lavishly when he’s put almost nothing into this relationship.
You need to start holding back all of the amazing benefits he gets from being with you until he truly shows that he wants to be with you. That’s a fact.
Ultimately, there are many different reasons you might have found yourself in a situationship rather than a relationship. Hopefully, this blog helped you identify some things that are particular to your situation.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to commit to you and values you as more than just a person to have around when things are lonely or fulfill their needs.
If you want a committed relationship, it’s time to ask him to take the next step, or pack your bags and move on to the next one!