There’s always that one person you can never truly get over. The one that got away, the one who broke your heart into a million pieces – the one who was perfect in every way, but it somehow just didn’t work out. He’s just a little too hard to forget!
The idea of them is comforting, they’re familiar, and you just can’t shake the feeling that no one will ever compare to them.
Keep reading to learn why you can’t get over him – and what you can do about it.
Table of Contents
1. He was everything you wanted.
Not every happy relationship is for life, but you believed you were meant to be with him. Your family probably reminds you of the amazing guy you lost. Your self esteem has been really hurt, and you can’t get over him and focus on your own happiness. You’re probably still looking for what you did wrong, and blaming yourself for the break-up or for not being able to keep such an amazing guy around.
As much as you thought he was perfect for you and that you’d end up together, you’re not taking how he felt about you into consideration. Yes, maybe he was your dream guy, but the reality is, you weren’t his dream girl. Just that fact alone means that it wasn’t meant to be
What you can do:
As harsh as it sounds, it doesn’t always work out just because you want it to or because he ticks off all the “dreamy boyfriend” boxes. If you believe that you were destined to be with him, you need to shift your focus before you end up still single years later, and still pining over your ex who got away.
2. The relationship ended suddenly, without warning.
You were together, the sex was great, you had so much fun, your friends all loved him, you thought it was going well, then BANG – out of nowhere, he ended it! You never figured out what actually went wrong between the two of you, so you never got the closure you desperately needed in order to move on.
What you can do:
Getting over someone is essential in order to be able to move on with your life and allow yourself to meet someone new and fall in love again. Take some time to focus on yourself. Build on yourself personally, spend time with friends, and take the time to be around people that care about you, like friends and family. Remember that you deserve to be with someone that loves you and treats you well – and that guy isn’t that person!
3. You keep everything that reminds you of him.
You remember him vividly – what he sounded like, what he looked like, how he touched you, the sound of his laugh, and every magical moment you shared – and it makes you miss him dearly! You replay happy memories with him on loop, you listen to the music that reminds you of him, and you can’t stop daydreaming.
If you haven’t changed your life much since you were with him, everything in your surroundings will also remind you of him, like that café you had your first date in, the cinema where he kissed you for the first time, your favorite picnic spot, or that necklace he gave you.
What you can do:
If you’ve been keeping all his texts, your pictures together, gifts and relationship keepsakes reminding you of the time spent with him, it’s time to box it all up and throw it away. The best way to let go of someone is to let go of the things that constantly remind you of them. It might be hard, but once you do it you’ll feel an incredible sense of relief. You’ll start to realize that you are good without them, and they become nothing more than a distant memory from your past.
4. You still see him often.
One of the reasons you still love him could be because you simply can’t get away from him. Whether he’s a close family friend, married your best friend, or works with you, having to see him often can make forgetting him feel impossible.
You’re constantly reminded of his presence and you catch yourself trying to see him often – which makes you hold hope that you could get back together. But, when he doesn’t show you any attention, you feel miserable. He’s moved on with his life, and you’re the only one still thinking about the good times you had.
What you can do:
It might be hard, but try to distance yourself as much as possible. Go out, meet new people, and date more. Surround yourself with people that have a positive influence on your life. Focus on things that make you happy, whether it be a hobby, work, or community service. Keeping busy, filling your mind with positive things, and being with people you care about can help make getting over him easier.
5. You keep stalking him on social media
One of the biggest reasons you still love him after all these years is because you just can’t help but check up on him on social media. You keep track of who he’s dating, where he goes on vacation, and his status updates. Checking your ex’s social media can only be described as an addiction – no matter how bad it is for you (and you know it!) you keep doing it.
What you can do:
Even though it might be hard to do, unfriend him on Facebook and other social media sites. You don’t need to see what he’s doing! It gives you a false sense of control, and will hurt you deeply when you see he is dating other people.
Stop posting cryptic status updates that you want him to read. You’re just making yourself look weak and pathetic, and you don’t need that.
6. You compare everyone you date to him.
You haven’t been particularly lucky in your relationships lately, and you keep finding yourself comparing everyone to your ex. You’re either consciously or unconsciously measuring each new guy you date against the one that got away. No one seems to be good enough! No one gets you quite like he used to, and sex isn’t as fun.
What you can do:
Don’t be stuck in the past – otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for dating failure, over and over again. Allow yourself to see something different and unique in someone new. Remember that there were bad times in your previous relationship, and that since it ended, it wasn’t meant to be. Don’t let that stop you from meeting someone else!
7. You only remember the good times.
If you can’t think of a single bad thing about your relationship with him, then you’ve got a real issue to deal with. You’ve put him on a pedestal, and the years have erased any bad memories associated with him.
The reality is, you don’t remember things as they were, but as you wish they were – pure loving bliss! You’re wearing rose-colored glasses, and think he did no wrong.
What you can do:
Perhaps it’s time to talk to some friends about what things were actually like when you dated him. Chances are your friends remember it clearly, and maybe it’s about time they reminded you! You’ll probably find that your perfect relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought.
8. You miss how it felt when you were together.
When he was a part of your life, everything was exciting, full of promise and hope. Now it feels like that part of your life is long lost.
If you still miss that time in your life after all these years, it’s unlikely that it’s even about him. In reality, you miss who you were when you were with him. You miss the way you looked and how you felt about life, and you long for all the things you could do and the opportunities you had back then.
What you can do:
Pining over your ex is a great reminder that you need to reclaim your own happiness and start living to the fullest again. You can’t keep attaching your happiness to an old memory of some guy you loved. You need to start fresh, and learn to love your life and yourself – the way they are right now.
9. He keeps coming back into your life.
Maybe you can’t truly let go of him after all these years is because he won’t let you. He keeps coming back – whether it’s a casual “what are you doing” text, a comment on your new picture, or a one-night stand.
He’s emotionally manipulating you by keeping you around waiting for him, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He knows how hooked you are by the thought of him, and he doesn’t care that he will hurt you. And you keep allowing it!
What you can do:
You need to cut him out of your life, once and for all! Stop fantasizing about getting back together. Stop thinking that him wanting sex with you means that he still likes you. You need to like yourself enough to not allow yourself to fall into his trap, over and over again.
The Bottom Line
Getting over someone can take a month, a year, and can sometimes feels like it’ll take a lifetime. It’s important not to stay in a rut too long. Acknowledge the memories for what they are, be grateful for having that time together, and move on.
Don’t allow yourself to waste another moment pining over someone who’s not part of your life anymore. He’s in the past for a reason, so keep him there.
