Being involved in a love triangle is never easy, especially when that love triangle involves a serious relationship and a sibling of your current partner. If you find yourself attracted to your boyfriend’s brother, you may find it confusing and, at times, even overwhelming.
Knowing what to do if you are attracted to your boyfriend’s brother can help you navigate a tricky, yet not entirely uncommon scenario, regardless of the relationship stage you are currently in.
Table of Contents
1. Assess the situation
Before making any hasty decisions regarding your relationship, it is important to assess the situation in its entirety. Consider how long you have been in your current relationship and the seriousness of your relationship as a whole.
Are you in a monogamous, committed relationship with your current boyfriend? Are there factors in your relationship that may have caused you to seek attention and attraction elsewhere? What underlying reasons might you have to be feeling the way you do towards your boyfriend’s brother?
2. Take inventory of your own feelings
Understanding your feelings for your boyfriend’s brother is essential when you are dealing with a difficult situation—like a love triangle. If you have not yet confronted your boyfriend or his brother about your feelings, it may be time to take inventory of the emotions you are experiencing yourself.
Consider what you feel whenever you are around your boyfriend’s brother and whether it is lust or more than just physical attraction. Do you feel deeply connected with him on a more intimate level, or do you believe you may simply be attracted to him due to his similar appearance to your boyfriend?
3. Determine why you are attracted to your boyfriend’s brother
What is triggering your attraction to your boyfriend’s brother? Have you recently experienced a traumatic incident or a serious life change involving your boyfriend? Is your boyfriend’s brother one of your confidants and always emotionally available to you?
Knowing why you might be attracted to your boyfriend’s brother can help you to determine the best course of action when it comes to confessing your attraction or moving on altogether.
4. Remove yourself from the situation
One of the best ways to find inner guidance and direction when it comes to your relationships is to remove yourself from a specific situation that is troubling you. Remove yourself by attempting to eliminate emotional attachments when thinking of the relationship you have with your boyfriend as well as the attraction you have to his brother.
Avoid overthinking the situation and any personal triggers that may cause you to be biased while trying to work through the challenging decisions you need to make regarding your relationship. Assess your relationship as if you are a third-party looking in, rather than as an individual involved in the love triangle yourself.
5. Consider the level of attraction you have
You are not likely to envision a lifetime with everyone you find attractive, physically or emotionally. Because we all have varying levels of attraction for other individuals, it is important to assess this yourself when thinking of your boyfriend’s brother.
Do you find your boyfriend’s brother physically attractive, emotionally attractive, or a combination of both? Do you not find him physically attractive, but can’t seem to help yourself? Considering the level of attraction you have for your boyfriend’s brother is also a way to gain valuable insight into your own wants and needs in terms of your relationship.
6. Try to move on
If you have determined that you are only physically attracted to your boyfriend’s brother and that you do not want to pursue the relationship any further, you can attempt to move on without causing a stir in your current relationship. Avoid spending time with your boyfriend’s brother or contacting him in person, via phone, or even via text.
Attempt to move on by distancing yourself from the situation and spending more time focusing on the relationship you have with your boyfriend. Consider why you were so attracted to your boyfriend’s brother and try to see how your boyfriend already fulfills you in these areas of your life.
7. Speak to a trusted confidant
If you are having trouble keeping your feelings and the situation you are experiencing to yourself, speak to a trusted confidant. Sharing your feelings with a friend you can trust is a way to feel relief from the weight you may have on your shoulders due to your current situation.
Share how you are feeling with your trusted confidant and, if you are feeling open to the idea, encourage them to provide their own opinion and input on the matter. Avoid taking input and potential criticism negatively, especially if you openly ask for the opinions of those you trust the most.
8. Make a decision to share your feelings openly
If you are feeling stuck and cannot move on from your feelings for your boyfriend’s brother, it may be time for you to consider sharing your feelings openly and honestly. Making the decision to share your feelings openly requires you to choose whether you will share your feelings with your boyfriend or his brother first. In some situations, it may be best to share your feelings with your boyfriend first, especially if you do not intend to end the relationship on your own.
Before you begin sharing your feelings regarding your attraction to your brother’s boyfriend, it is important to consider the outcome you desire. If you do not want your relationship to end, be sure to keep your boyfriend’s potential reactions and responses in mind. If you are open to the idea of ending your relationship and moving on, consider whether it is best for you to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend or his brother first.
9. Talk with your boyfriend first
If you choose to talk with your boyfriend first regarding the feelings you have for his brother, keep in mind that your openness may or may not render you the response you envision. Your boyfriend may react calmly and understandingly, or he may feel threatened, insecure, and even angry at your feelings.
Discuss the feelings you are having by first prefacing your intentions as well as the outcome you are hoping for if you intend to try to salvage your relationship. Always discuss serious relationship issues with your partner in private and away from others, even if you are around friends and trusted company.
10. Talking with your boyfriend’s brother first
The alternative is to talk to your boyfriend’s brother directly before you discuss your feelings with your boyfriend. Talking to your boyfriend’s brother about your feelings before openly doing so with your boyfriend may lead to some serious trust issues down the road, especially if your intention is to fix and repair the relationship with your current partner.
Choosing to talk to your boyfriend’s brother first may provide you with an opportunity to clear the air and to learn more about his own feelings. However, this may cause a backlash if your boyfriend’s brother informs him of your confession immediately. Always keep your boyfriend’s feelings and potential responses in mind when choosing whether to discuss your feelings for his brother with him first or with his brother first.
11. Decide what is right for you
While it is easy to get lost and confused regarding the emotions you are feeling for your boyfriend’s sibling, it is essential to take a step back to decide what is right for you, regardless of the involved parties. If you are feeling a strong pull towards your boyfriend’s brother, there may be deeper and more serious underlying issues that need to be addressed in your current relationship.
Making a decision that is right for you is not always easy, and may require some time in order for you to feel completely confident in the path you select. In the end, only you will know what is right for you. Spend time looking inwards and self-reflecting to truly understand more about what your heart wants and what you truly need.
12. Accept the consequences of your confession
When you choose to confess the attraction you have for your boyfriend’s brother, it is important to keep in mind that you may experience consequences that are unpleasant and unexpected. Accepting the consequences of your confession is necessary in order for you to be truly free of your feelings and secrets.
Even if you confess the attraction that you have for your boyfriend’s brother to your boyfriend directly before acting on your feelings, he may have a different response than you expect. Whenever you are dealing with a complex love triangle that involves your current partner their sibling or relative, it is important to remember that the situation may not ever be truly resolved.
13. Set boundaries if moving forward with your relationship
If you and your boyfriend have cleared the air regarding the attraction you have to his brother and have decided to try to make your relationship work, you will need to set boundaries. Setting boundaries for your relationship when moving forward is a way to prevent potential issues from arising in the future, while also protecting the bond and trust you are working to rebuild with your boyfriend.
It is also healthy to have an ongoing discussion regarding your feelings and emotions as you repair the relationship and trust between you. Being open and communicative goes a long way, even when dealing with other speedbumps throughout your relationship.
14. Work to rebuild trust
Trust is the cornerstone of any successful long-term relationship or marriage. Without trust, it is difficult for any relationship to last, even those that start off with the best intentions. After you have confessed the attraction you have to your boyfriend’s brother, it is important to work hard to rebuild the trust you have between you and your boyfriend.
Ask your boyfriend how he is feeling about your relationship and what you can do to help the relationship move in the right direction. Spend time focusing on the needs of your boyfriend as well as the emotional hangups he may be experiencing due to your confession and feelings.
Love triangles are not black and white and are often coated in plenty of nuances. Whenever you have informed your boyfriend that you are attracted to someone else, especially a sibling, it is important to leave breathing room and space for him to recover.
FAQ
Is it normal to be attracted to my brother’s boyfriend?
Normal is a subjective term, especially when it comes to defining attraction and sexuality. Physical attraction is not something that can be controlled, as it is often based on hormones and pheromones. If you find yourself physically attracted to your boyfriend’s brother, it is important to remember that we are biological primates that are designed to procreate, making it entirely normal by scientific standards to find other human beings physically attractive. If you have a deeper connection and attraction to your boyfriend’s brother, you may have bigger fish to fry.
How can I tell if I am physically or emotionally attracted to my boyfriend’s brother?
Do you find yourself attracted to the physical appearance and traits of your boyfriend’s brother, or do you simply enjoy spending time with him due to his charisma, sense of humor, or charm? Knowing whether you are physically attracted to your boyfriend’s brother or if there is a deeper connection is a major hurdle to overcome when struggling with a conflict such as a potential love triangle.
How can I move on from the attraction I am feeling for my boyfriend’s brother?
If you simply have a physical attraction to your boyfriend’s brother, you can work to remove yourself from the situation by spending less time with him. Avoid spending time alone with your boyfriend’s brother or sending personal messages or communications to one another. While you are working through your feelings and attempting to move on, it is also advisable to avoid spending time with your boyfriend’s brother even when you are intending to do so in a group setting.
How can I salvage the relationship I have with my boyfriend after confessing my attraction to his brother?
Unfortunately, there is no one right or wrong answer, as all relationships and dynamics vary. When you confess the attraction that you have for your boyfriend’s brother, it is important to assess his personality as well as his character to determine how he is most likely to respond.
The best way to salvage the relationship you have is to consider your boyfriend’s perspective while offering help and openness moving forward. Asking your boyfriend what he wants and needs from you can also help restore trust in your relationship.
Can I break off my current relationship to pursue one with my boyfriend’s brother?
This is also nuanced and greatly depends on the seriousness of your current relationship as well as your true feelings. Pursuing a relationship with your boyfriend’s brother may cause tension between all individuals involved in the love triangle.
