They say the heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes that means falling in love with someone younger than you.
We are, of course, talking about someone of legal age when we say “younger.”
From dating someone who’s just a couple of years younger to dating someone with more than a decade difference, there are quite a few things you need to consider if you are to make it work.
Age doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker, especially in the 21st century. However, there are a few things you need to know and what out for before dating someone younger than you.
The reality is that age-gap relationships are becoming more and more common, but it doesn’t mean that everyone will be supportive of it.
People still care about the age difference thing, and you should prepare to be judged and criticized by others.
At the end of the day, you decide who you love and who you date – this is your decision. It can be so hard to find the right person, let alone the right person of the right age to date.
They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but what if you fall in love with a much younger fish?
Here are eight tips and rules for dating someone younger that will help you navigate this tricky territory, especially if it’s your first time.
Table of Contents
1. Be clear about what you are looking for
Your first order of business is to be honest with your intentions, which means asking yourself:
What do you want from this relationship?
If you only want to date around, have some fun, and have hook-ups, then that’s great, it’s within your right to do that.
But if you wish to settle down, maybe have a family and kids, then dating someone younger might not be the right decision, especially if you are in your thirties.
What’s the chance that he will want the same things you do?
Of course, there are always exceptions, for example, a woman in her early forties could date a guy in his early thirties, settle down and have kids with him.
It all depends on the stage in life the guy is in, not so much his actual age.
When dating someone younger, you always want to ask yourself what your future together looks like.
Regardless of what you decide, you need to be honest – you could end up hurting yourself or him by ignoring or covering up reality.
2. Consider their emotional maturity
Being in a serious relationship with someone younger comes with its challenges because you have to consider the possibility that this person isn’t as emotionally mature as you are – and he might not be anytime soon.
It’s a process that you can’t speed up just because you want him to be relationship and marriage material.
The first thing you need to uncover is whether your boy toy can take accountability for his actions.
Another thing to take into consideration is his dating history.
If he’s a little inexperienced or has never been in a serious relationship, do you honestly want to be the woman who will teach him everything?
It’s okay if you do, but it requires patience and effort, and a lot of communication.
If you only want to have some fun, those things might take the relationship to a level that you don’t want to be at.
Of course, a younger man has a lot to learn and room for growth, however, you might have to be the one calling all the shots in the relationship.
Also, consider that if he’s at the start of his career, he might not be able to support himself, and could be living with roommates or family, which makes the relationship more difficult.
When you want to date someone younger, you have to find a way to treat him (and see him) as an equal.
That means he’s an equal contributor to the relationship, including when it comes to money.
3. You might be in different stages of life
One of the biggest challenges of dating someone younger is that you could be in totally different life stages.
You will definitely feel a new dynamic with a younger guy compared to the men you usually go for.
One way to think about this is to imagine what the vibe would be like when you hang out with his circle of friends.
If the idea makes you cringe you probably shouldn’t be dating this guy. If you meet his friends and they joke around and call you “mum,” how would you feel?
Not only might your friends and family not approve of him, but his friends and family might not approve of you.
In their eyes, you could be the older woman (or even the cougar) that can’t seem to find someone of her own age to date. It is pretty uncomfortable territory.
Chances are you and this guy have completely different life experiences and dating histories. You probably want different things in life, even in the next six months.
If you are interested in a long-term relationship with him, it would be good to discuss how you fit into each other’s lives and where you see each other in the near future.
4. Commitment is a tricky thing
If things are getting serious between you and a younger man, how you define commitment will ultimately define the future success of your relationship.
The key part is to find a guy, no matter his age, who will align with you and with your definition of commitment.
Yes, he could be much younger, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he just having fun and not ready for a serious relationship.
He might not know what he wants in his future in terms of career and life choices, but he could be pretty serious about wanting a committed relationship with you.
5. Consider shared interests
When you’re dating someone who’s younger than you, sex can’t be your only hobby. No matter how good the sex is, you still need to find things in common.
The larger the age gap, the harder it might be to find interests and hobbies that you share.
Sometimes, even simple things like pop culture references can be lost in translation. Of course, this isn’t the end of the world.
Opposites do attract, and people can bring all sorts of different things into a relationship. You can find ways to complement and bring out the best in each other.
Finding things in common will help you see your younger boyfriend as more of an equal.
And at the end of the day, you need to be certain that he will accept and support your core values and the things that matter to you the most.
6. How do you feel with him?
When you are dating someone younger you want to feel empowered by your decision, not ashamed by it, especially because some people might be judgmental of your decision.
For example, if you struggle with your confidence, dating someone younger could make you feel even more insecure.
Having to justify or explain your relationship to friends and family members can bring up a whole lot of issues and make you question your choices.
Ask yourself: how do you really feel about this person? Are you excited to see him? Do you think about him all the time when you are not together?
Does he bring certain qualities into your life that you cannot find elsewhere?
If your connection is right, age will just be a number and won’t define your relationship. If your connection isn’t really there, it will be like dragging a dead horse.
7. What age gap is acceptable?
According to the social rule, you divide your age in half and add 7 to calculate the socially-acceptable minimum age for a partner you can date.
Of course, no one says you can’t go younger than this, but a bigger gap will probably also be a lot more noticeable.
8. What are the pros and cons?
If you are thinking of dating someone younger, you have to weigh in the pros and cons – whether he’s just a few years younger or you are entering cougar territory.
Here are the pros of dating someone younger:
- The sex
It’s a fact that men reach their sexual prime in their twenties, so one thing is certain – your boy toy will keep you busy.
He probably will be really attracted to the fact that you are experienced and know what you like in bed.
- The dates
A younger guy will probably want to do a lot more exciting things than just chilling on the couch in front of Netflix. Think adventures, sports, and travel.
- Less baggage
If he hasn’t been in many relationships (especially serious ones), you know that he will have less baggage, which can be quite refreshing.
There probably won’t be a crazy ex-girlfriend or a wife to worry about. It’s just you and him.
He won’t have strong, preconceived notions of you as a woman based on his past experience. Everything will be new and great for him.
Here are the cons of dating someone younger:
- Lifestyle differences
No matter how much you like your younger boyfriend, the lifestyle differences could take their toll on the relationship. While you prefer to chill after work, he wants to go out.
Weekends for you are for catching up on house chores and with friends, he wants to travel. As a younger guy, he’s probably more connected to his peers than a relationship.
- Long-term commitment
If he’s not ready for a serious relationship, you’ll be fighting a losing battle.
You want to put a security deposit down for a house, but this guy can’t even commit to an apartment for longer than six months.
- Financial imbalances
You might just have to accept that dating a younger guy is more about having fun in the bedroom and eating fast food than fancy dinners and expensive hotels.
There are a lot of things you need to consider before you start dating someone younger than you.
Above all, you should make sure you are both on the same page about what this is – he might be falling for you and wanting a committed relationship with someone experienced, while all you want is a fling.
Then there is the chance he might be after your connections, money, or the things you can do for him. This is a huge red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.
After considering the pros and cons you might be wondering – is it even worth it? Can this relationship work?
Yes, it can. There are plenty of couples out there who build long-lasting relationships and marriages with age differences.
It certainly shouldn’t stop you from dating someone, especially if you really like them.
