After you are comfortable in a relationship, you may begin to notice certain aspects of your partner’s behavior that you like and dislike.
You may also find yourself more critical of bad behavior and behavior that just doesn’t mesh with your own.
In a relationship, likes and dislikes can cause a range of emotions from feeling frustrated if a partner doesn’t cook enough or becoming annoyed when a partner laughs a certain way.
Understanding examples of likes and dislikes in a relationship can help you to better navigate your relationship, regardless of its seriousness and the stage you are in.
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Is it normal to have likes and dislikes in a relationship?
Yes, of course. In any relationship, it is normal to have both likes and dislikes, whether you have been dating for a year or married for 20.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, as even the happiest couples share disagreements from time to time.
Are likes and dislikes normal in a marriage?
Yes, having dislikes and likes in a marriage is just as normal as having them in new or uncommitted relationships.
When you are married to someone for years or even decades, you get to know just about everything about them, both good and bad.
You may come to dislike certain behaviors, reactions, and actions over time, especially if they are typically negative or cause a bad reaction from others.
You may also find yourself growing even more fond of the attributes that originally attracted you to your spouse in the first place, which is also normal as your bond grows and is strengthened throughout the years.
What are some normal likes in a relationship?
If you are in a relationship now and want to know what normal likes are, there is no one simple list to use as a reference.
All relationships are vastly different and have unique dynamics due to the individual personalities involved, which will mean your “normal” likes may be extremely different than the likes of others.
Some likes in a relationship that are not uncommon, however, might include:
- The way your partner works or takes care of business
- How your partner communicates or responds to you, even if you are angry or upset
- The level of comfort you feel when discussing issues or problems with your partner
- What you have in common together and the hobbies or activities you enjoy while you are in one another’s presence
- The way your partner helps others or gives back
- How you feel when your partner makes you laugh
- The way your partner is tidy, organized, helpful, or intuitive
- How much your partner knows about topics you are interested in
The number of likes you can discover in a relationship can go on virtually forever, especially when you are in a relationship with someone who is genuinely compatible with you.
Over time, you will come to be more familiar with what you like and love most about your partner.
What are common dislikes to have in a relationship?
On the flip side of the coin, it is not uncommon to also have dislikes, even in long-term relationships and marriages.
While it is never ideal to have more dislikes than likes in any relationship, you are likely to encounter some dislikes in your partner or in your relationship given enough time.
Some common dislikes that you may encounter or experience when you are in a long-term relationship may include:
- The way your partner reacts to certain situations (if they get angry, are dramatic, or are excessively sad – this can be a turn off)
- How your partner reacts to you and treats you during heated arguments
- The way your partner contributes or does not contribute to the relationship, your household, and/or to the rearing of your children if you have them together
- Tardiness or the inability to get anywhere on time, including work
- Lying
- Infidelity
- Laziness or the lack of willpower and drive
- Rudeness or downright abuse, both verbally and physical
It is important to note that it is not always possible to determine the dislikes you have in a relationship right away, especially if the relationship is new and you have only recently started dating.
Oftentimes, it will require a bit of time before you are able to pinpoint specific dislikes that you are not fond of in your partner’s behavior, actions, or even in your relationship as a whole.
How to tell if you have too many dislikes in any relationship
If you are in a complicated or troubled relationship, it can be difficult to be honest with yourself about how many dislikes you have when it comes to the relationship itself.
However, in order for you to determine whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging, you will need to assess just how you truly feel about being together with your current partner.
How you feel when you think of your partner will tell you a lot about the relationship’s status. To determine if you have too many dislikes in your relationship, consider the following:
- Do you feel positively, or negatively when you first think of your partner?
- How often do you argue or fight while in the presence of your partner?
- Do you feel better or worse when you are in the company of your partner?
- Are the dislikes you have about issues you and your partner can work on, or are they innate personality characteristics that you cannot simply change?
- Do you find yourself hung up on what you dislike about your partner, rather than attempting to remedy the issues and move forward?
Although it is not always easy to tell if there are too many dislikes in a relationship, you can also turn to your gut instinct to determine whether or not it is time to move on.
Ways to assess the likes and dislikes in your relationship
Assessing the likes and dislikes in your relationship sounds much easier than it is to actually do, especially as what you like and dislike about your partner may change over time.
There are a few ways you can attempt to assess how you are feeling about the likes and dislikes in your relationship by creating an actual list.
Write down what attracted you to your partner and why you like/love them. Create a separate list of actions and behaviors that you dislike or have grown to dislike.
You should also consider the weight of your likes and dislikes.
For instance, liking how your partner helps you with chores may not be as significant to you if your partner has trouble flirting with others or cheating.
It is important to maintain perspective while creating your list to gain valuable insight into how you are truly feeling about your relationship in its current state.
Can you repair dislikes in a relationship?
In some cases, you can repair dislikes in any relationship, of course, as long as the dislikes you have are not too significant to you.
This will depend on the specific dislikes you are dealing with in your relationship and whether or not you want to repair them.
If you have struggled with negative behaviors, attitudes, and even infidelity, these dislikes may be too big for you to simply turn your head the other way.
Learning to live with likes and dislikes in a long-term relationship or marriage
In successful marriages, both partners learn to live with likes and dislikes over time.
While one partner may not like the way their partner sings, the other may get frustrated at their ability to clutter a room overnight.
Learning to love your partner for their flaws without looking past major red flags and dislikes is essential for a truly strong long-term relationship or marriage.
How do I tell my partner about my dislikes?
Talking to your partner about what you dislike when it comes to their behavioral patterns, actions, or in some cases, even their personality traits, is not always easy.
Approach the situation with tact, grace, and with honesty while being kind, loving, and empathetic.
It is important to discuss any behavior or action that you dislike in your partner with a hopeful and optimistic attitude if you are trying to make your relationship work.
How can I listen to my partner’s dislikes without taking them personally?
In some cases, your partner may tell you of some dislikes they have when it comes to your own actions, behaviors, or attitude.
While your first response may be to walk away, respond defensively, or lash out in anger, it is important to take a step back to gain some perspective regarding their point of view.
As long as your partner is speaking to you gently and informing you of issues they have in a way that is constructive for your relationship, it is essential to avoid responding reactively or out of emotion.
Learning to accept that you may have flaws as well is necessary for any relationship or marriage to last in the long term.
Do likes and dislikes shift over time?
They can. Likes and dislikes are likely to shift and change over time, just as the dynamics of your relationship will.
When you first started dating your partner, your relationship was likely a bit different than it is now, even if you are truly happy with one another.
As you grow together, you may become fonder of quirks that once annoyed you in your partner, or the opposite may occur.
As you navigate life together, you will also change and grow on an individual level.
As an individual, your likes and dislikes may change along with your partner’s, which is why open communication is so important for any relationship, regardless of its length and duration.
Tips to help focus on the likes in any relationship
Whether you have been dating someone for a year or if you’ve been married for 25 years, focusing on the likes in your relationship is a must.
When you focus on what you like and love about your partner, you will spend less time pointing out your partner’s flaws and the dislikes you have when it comes to your relationship.
Some tips to keep in mind to focus on the positives of your relationship include:
- Consider all of the positive personality traits your partner has.
- Think of the ways your partner makes you laugh, feel good, and feel loved.
- Avoid focusing on negative incidents or traits and instead, focus more on what your partner gives to you in a positive manner.
- Think of the reasons why you were initially attracted to your partner.
- Consider the attributes in your partner that stand out from others and that caused you to fall for them in the first place.
