We’ve all had friends that we can count on to be there for us and to provide us with advice and support at a moment’s notice.
However, as we get older and responsibilities continue to mount, it might be impossible to talk to your friends every day.
This could leave you with feelings of abandonment, of being insecure, or even depression over the loss of your friendship. Don’t worry though, this doesn’t mean the friendship is over.
Just because your friend doesn’t speak to you every day, does not mean the friendship has disintegrated.
In fact, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to not talk to your friends every single day.
Talking to your friends when you both have time to share with each other and reflect is preferable to forcing conversation.
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Why do we talk to our friends?
Did you know that having friendships is actually good for your overall physical health? Having a steady friend can help you improve your health by:
- Reducing feelings of loneliness and depression
- Providing a way to vent and reduce stress
- Giving you an outlet to express your emotions
- Offering socialization, which improves your memory function and has been shown to slow down diseases like Alzheimer’s and Dementia
These are just some of the many benefits of having friends.
In addition, having friends improves your ability to trust and can create a way for you to truly express yourself, despite other family members who might not be fully accepting of you.
With all these important benefits of having friends, it’s no wonder we start to feel depressed and abandoned when we don’t talk to our friends every day.
Fortunately, there are many reasons why your friend might not be available to speak with you, which aren’t all negative.
Why do friends drift apart?
One of the biggest reasons for not talking to your friend is drifting apart.
In life, careers, families, and changing priorities might cause you and your friend to have completely different interests than you once did.
This can create feelings of helplessness and can make you feel as if you are truly never going to be able to speak to your friends again.
It’s important to understand that friends often drift apart, and this is natural.
In fact, studies show that it has nothing to do with who you are as a person, but rather the nature of friendships that causes them to eventually break apart.
In other words, friendships are meant to help us navigate through life and are crucial during pivotal moments such as elementary school, middle school, high school, and even college or during our career changes.
However, because they’re designed to help us during a time of change, friendships are somewhat doomed from the start.
Although this might not be the case for everyone, this is the case for most relationships.
Forgiving broken friendships
Even though it’s normal for friendships to drift apart as time progresses and people change, this doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends with someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time.
In fact, making amends with older friends can be a great way to reminisce, add a new acquaintance to your circle, and get a sense of how much you’ve changed and who you are now.
If you don’t talk to your friend every day and eventually lose track of them overall, you can still try to initiate contact and start the friendship over again.
Does not talking mean my friend hates me?
This question lingers in the minds of many people. If your friend doesn’t talk to you every day, does that mean they hate you?
Does that mean they have something against you or even are trying to avoid you?
The answer is: Maybe.
Think about your relationship with your friend. Are you truly a good friend?
Do any of you have issues with substance abuse, excessive drinking, excessive partying, or even a different lifestyle?
Ask yourself, have you recently angered your friend?
These are all questions that are important to ask yourself before you begin to wonder why your friend is ignoring you.
They might, very well, be ignoring you because of something you said or did that offended them.
Or they might feel that your friendship is coming to an end (read above).
The point is, you need to ask them. Asking your friend why you two are now speaking so little can be a great way to get the answers you need.
It can be easy to feel as if your friend is ignoring you because they hate you.
Really, the answer can be as simple as giving an apology or giving them space enough to handle their own life stressors.
How to improve communication with your friend
If your friend informs you that they are simply too busy to talk, it’s important to respect this decision.
Some people might need to break away from friends and family in order to focus on their own mental health, career, or other family.
Other times, friends will want to stop talking until they are able to provide you with their whole-hearted, undivided attention.
Again, it boils down to asking your friend why they are choosing to minimize contact.
In some cases, you and your friend might not know how to remain in touch despite life stressors. You might want to talk to each other but just don’t know how.
Here are a couple of tips for you and your friend can continue to remain in touch:
- Use Skype or Zoom: These are excellent methods of communication that can allow you to talk to your friend and even have a movie night with the power of technology!
- Use FaceTime or other services through your phone: If you only have time to speak to your friend while on the go, FaceTiming them can provide a better way of speaking with each other rather than texting or through a phone call.
- Phone each other: When all else fails, a simple phone call can make you two feel connected and can provide a moment of relief if your lives are equally busy.
- Set up playdates: If you and your friend are new parents, there’s no shame in setting up playdates or other outings with your family. Family outings can be a great way to bond with your friend and unite your families, while still devoting time to your family.
- Set up study sessions: If you and your friend are in college and need to study, why not set up study sessions so you two can spend time as well as study together? Not only does this show you support your friend through their endeavors, but it’s also a great way to improve your grades in school!
Final Thoughts
It’s not necessary to talk to your friend every single day.
In fact, this might not be the healthiest thing to do if you find yourself constantly bugging your friend or smothering them.
It’s best to ask your friend what their availability is, if there is any specific reason your communication has dwindled, and find ways to improve the communication between the two of you.
