Cheating on a partner is one of the cruelest and disrespectful things a person can do to their significant other in a relationship. Although it’s natural to be drawn to other people, it becomes an issue when you use those feelings to distract yourself from the realities of your relationship. It’s even worse if you’re actually planning on acting on those impulses.
If you’re considering cheating, it’s critical to understand why you’re feeling this way. Is there a problem in the relationship that is producing a lot of stress and anxiety? Is your relationship failing to meet your needs? Is it something internal, for instance, a fear of commitment?
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How to Fight the Urge to Cheat on Your Husband
Here are a few strategies to avoid the desire to cheat.
1. Ignore the Urge
Although this is likely the most obvious tactic, it’s easy to overlook its significance. Alcoholics avoid bars, and dieters avoid bakeries – because they understand that being confronted with the source of their temptation just adds to the strain on their already frail resolve.
It’s important to steer clear of all the topics, venues, and people that make it hard to resist the urge to cheat. If you do get exposed to anything that drives you to temptation, try to enforce your will upon that desire and eradicate it.
You can also try a counselor if the problem gets out of hand.
2. Break Up With Your Partner in Your Head
When people are contemplating cheating, they often lose sight of how their actions might hurt someone – especially people close to them. If you’ve been feeling like cheating, try breaking up with your partner in your head. Really get into the role and play both parts.
See what you feel. Do you feel happy or even relieved at the prospect of breaking up with them? Or do you feel sad?
If you do feel saddened at the prospect of no longer being with them, it means that your relationship is still worth fighting for.
3. Think of the Long-Term Implications
When it comes to self-deception, adulterers frequently delude themselves into believing that they’d never cheat again. In rare instances, this can be true – if the will of the cheater is strong enough.
The cheater might have a one-night stand and never think about cheating again. However, that is highly improbable – and once the genie is out of the bottle, it’s hard to put it back in again.
If you’re tempted and want to prevent doing something you’ll regret, consider the long-term implications of cheating – such as the damage it will cause to your spouse and your relationship, the kids you may have (or any children that may arise from your adulterous entanglements), and mostly your own self-image.
Cheating can be destructive for both the one who cheats and the one who is cheated on. In essence, it’s a betrayal – and this betrayal damages both parties. It fiddles with the emotional stability of both people and can traumatize or have other long-term effects on children.
4. Try to Locate the Source of the Emotion
If your desire to cheat arises from boredom in your relationship, try to reignite your connection with your partner. The desire to put in the effort and time necessary to cultivate a conscious relationship will aid you in resisting the urge to cheat on your partner.
This basically means making an effort to improve your relationship by discussing the problems with your partner and looking for ways to reignite the passion.
5. Distract Yourself
Chew ice. Go and work out. Go for a run. Watch a movie. Take a cold shower. Go for a spa day. Practice self-care. Try to distract yourself from the overwhelming feeling of lying in bed with someone else.
While it’s true that you may have been wanting to cheat on your partner, it’s also true that the feeling comes and goes. When you’re feeling particularly raunchy, you can distract yourself by doing extremely non-sexual things to get you out of the mood.
6. Remember All the Good Times You’ve Had
Sometimes, we lose sight of what’s important to us when powerful emotions overcome us. You might have a great and loving relationship with your partner, but your affection towards them may be waning because of recent events.
If that is the case, try to sit down and remember the good times you had with them. Try to see the goodness in them and how much fun you have together – and even remember the moments of pleasurable intimacy. Write them down, and see if that changes your mind.
You can even reminisce about the old days with your partner – or better yet, you can even try to recreate some of your fondest memories to recultivate the passion you had in your relationship before.
7. Call a Friend
Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous are two of the most well-known instances of social support and pressure – but friends, particularly those who freely disclose their own adulterous inclinations, can be important as well.
Find someone with whom you can be candid and who knows why you’re attracted to others, and see if he or she can “talk you down” (or, perhaps “talk you out of bed” would be more accurate). You can even make a commitment to calling this person every day or every week to tell them you haven’t cheated since the previous time you spoke; whatever works for you.
8. Write Your Feelings Down
The truth is that you may feel overcome by your impulses from time to time. It’s a natural part of being human. The test is whether you act on it or not.
If the desire gets overwhelming and you’re surrounded by pretty faces that tempt you into infidelity, it’s best to write what you’re feeling. You can be as explicit as you’d like as long as the contents are hidden from public view.
9. Cut Off Ties That Tempt You
When you’re in a loving relationship, dismissing an infatuation as frivolous or unimportant is not difficult. However, when things take a turn for the worse, it’s easy to be tempted to cheat.
If you find yourself spending a lot of time with a certain person or actively keeping up with them on social media, it could be a great idea to take a step back before it becomes too serious.
If you’re tempted, either terminate your current relationship or stop flirting with someone else.
10. Reconnect With Yourself
If you’re having second thoughts about cheating, ask your partner for some alone time. Discover what makes you feel attached to your relationship by getting to know yourself.
Why do you want to cheat? Is it more about sex, or do you feel emotionally neglected? Getting clear on what you need to feel genuinely connected in your relationship will help you uncover problem areas you need to work on.
11. Tell Your Partner About Your Struggle
Although it may be the last thing on your mind, being open and honest about your desire to cheat could actually be healthy. It seems complicated, but having this talk can allow you to determine whether or not this is the correct relationship for you and if the relationship has run its course.
You can talk to your spouse, your friends, your family, or a counselor to get your feelings out.
12. Ask Them to Help You
Once you’ve acknowledged your issues, it’s time to consciously collaborate with your partner to help resolve the issues you have with them or your relationship. At this point, you’ll have to let go of all notions of cheating on your partner by investing in your current relationship.
Start consciously re-investing your time and effort into the relationship and see it blossom with your love, care, and affection.
Why Do People Cheat?
Even when you criticize them, most affairs aren’t truly about the partner or the marriage. Cheaters are looking for something that is missing in themselves rather than something in their relationship.
Cheaters Are Looking for Scapegoats
Cheaters may look for a way to pin the blame on their partners. Looking for a scapegoat in itself is an indication that the partner who wants to cheat is immature, irresponsible, or ashamed of what he/she has done.
Cheaters place responsibility for their troubles on someone who can be painted as a criminal to absolve themselves of any responsibility. They often become deluded into thinking that they are the one in the right.
They make excuses for their behavior and believe that they would be faithful if only their partners were more loving or more present.
When blaming others for their own mistakes, cheaters become oblivious that other people’s lives – such as children, spouses, or parents – also revolve around them. They only think about themselves and their needs.
Cheaters are Conflicted Internally
In essence, thoughts of cheating are typically reflective of conflicts the individual has within themselves—the want for cheating arises from dissatisfaction.
They’re either dissatisfied with their reality or have a desire to be with the person they daydream about.
It’s a Way to Reclaim Power
For a lot of people, cheating is a means to regain control. When we combine this with the sexiness of engaging in an illicit affair, it’s easy to see why cheating is so difficult to resist.
Cheaters see this as a secret double life that’s exciting and romantic – and a break from their monotonous relationship.
Why Do You Feel Like Cheating on Your Partner?
The desire to stray isn’t always fleeting, and it isn’t always accompanied by a desire to leave. Like many other severe emotions and concerns, it can sometimes suggest underlying issues that need to be addressed, such as a lack of affection or apprehension about confronting your sexuality.
You Aren’t Satisfied in Your Current Relationship
We consider adultery because we aren’t getting what we need from our current companions or relationships. It’s possible that you’ve buried your wants or drifted apart from your relationship.
It doesn’t really matter how it happened; what matters is that you recognize that you deserve a relationship in which your needs are taken care of and addressed in the same way that the other person is.
You Feel Unwanted
Many of us have erroneous views about love based on our childhood experiences or subsequent romantic encounters. When you consider love to be a competition or a “quest” for some ultimate goal, it becomes a never-ending race.
After all, relationships aren’t about the chase. They’re about building a life with someone who shares your dreams.
Your Relationship Isn’t Right for You
Whether we like it or not, our emotions can be indicative of the events in our lives. While it’s natural to be curious about the world outside your relationship, persistent restlessness may be a sign of something more insidious.
When you fantasize about being with other individuals, it could be a warning sign you’re not with the person you dreamed of ending up with. If you feel compelled to cheat, it could be a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship or that you need to iron out some issues with your significant other.
You Have Unresolved Feelings for Someone Else
Emotions can be pleasant, soothing, and happy – but they can also be frightening, strong, and difficult to understand. Negative emotions, such as wrath and disdain, reinforce and develop in us the behaviors and patterns that keep us feeling tiny, lonely, and miserable.
If you’re seeking relief from someone outside of your marriage vows, it’s usually because you’ve allowed unresolved feelings for someone else to develop in you.
You Are Confused About Your Sexuality
It is possible to experience both sexual bewilderment and dissatisfaction due to unaccepted and unresolved sexual issues.
You may find yourself daydreaming about someone of the same sex or maybe going a step further with a friend or someone you’re connected with through work or other means – all because you’re dissatisfied with your relationship.
Our sexuality is a part of who we are, and it will find a way to present itself in our lives, no matter how hard we attempt to hide it.
Monogamy Isn’t Right for You
Do you have a nagging desire to stray from your romantic commitments? Take a moment to analyze the reasons for this.
You can frequently find yourself dissatisfied, hopping from one non-platonic relationship to the next, seeking acceptance from the outside world – because you find that your partner isn’t fulfilling your needs.
The issue is that you are the only one who can give yourself the sense of affirmation you seek. An intimate companion can only provide us with support and acceptance.
You Don’t Feel Seen in Your Current Relationship
In our relationships, we feel the need to be seen, heard, and respected for who we are. When we don’t have this clear and open perspective, we may turn to others for the validation we aren’t receiving.
We sometimes seek the love of others to mask our own uncertainties and sorrows, either in our relationships or in other areas of our lives.
You’ve Been in One Relationship for a Very Long Time
Many people find themselves struggling to be faithful when they feel like they’ve had enough of the person they’re with. There’s a saying in romance that states that when people fall out of love, they start hating the exact same things they once fell in love with.
For instance, you might have found it cute that your partner bites their lip when nervous – but now, the same habit irritates you.
Your Partner Has a Wandering Eye
Oftentimes, people don’t cheat because they’re bored with their current partners. They cheat because they feel cheated on.
If your partner has a wandering eye or flirts with other people without feeling any remorse, it can tick off a very selfish part of you that wants to take revenge.
In a fit of rage and jealousy, most people try to regain some balance by cheating on their cheating partners.
The Bottom Line
Cheating ruins lives. No matter how strong the urge, fighting it and overcoming it is the best course of action if you don’t want to hurt anyone else. Opening this Pandora box can lead to a world of hurt and can make you the villain of your own story.
If these tips don’t help you out, it might be time to seek therapy.
