Dealing with someone who is spiteful is never easy, especially if that someone is your friend, a relative, or even a significant other.
When you are around someone who is spiteful, you may begin to wonder why they are spiteful and what has made them feel the way that they do.
When someone is spiteful, they are often dealing with their own feelings of bitterness, hurt, and pain.
They may feel slighted, betrayed, or simply insecure around someone who has hurt them or in a situation that is uncomfortable for them.
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What does being spiteful mean?
Being spiteful can mean feeling nasty or angry towards another due to feeling hurt or betrayed.
Feelings of spitefulness are often associated with malice or an intent to hurt someone else, either with words or – in some cases – physically.
When someone is spiteful, it may be expressed in various ways, depending on the scenario they are in as well as the relationship they have with an individual they feel spiteful towards.
How do others show that they are spiteful?
Displaying spitefulness is not always obvious. In fact, many who feel spiteful may choose to show their spite in a passive-aggressive manner, rather than being direct with how they feel.
If someone is spiteful, they may have no issue with being rude, condescending, or passive-aggressive towards the individual they are angry at or upset with, even in public and in front of others.
You may also notice that individuals who are spiteful may come across as more uptight, irritable, angry, emotional, and reactive than those who are not spiteful or bitter.
Someone who is spiteful may have no problem insulting those they are mad at or upset with, regardless of how it may make them look and appear to others.
If someone is feeling spiteful, they may wish harm or bad luck upon someone else without feeling an ounce of regret.
If you are spiteful, you may find yourself wishing and hoping that someone who has hurt you experiences the same level of hurt, if not more, than you have due to their own actions and behaviors.
Is it normal to feel spiteful?
While it is not considered normal to feel spiteful at all times in everyday life, it is not uncommon to experience feeling spiteful at one point or another throughout your life, especially when you feel extremely hurt and betrayed.
Spitefulness, while not a normal emotion or response to traditional challenges and upsets in day-to-day life, is a common emotion that occurs in the most extreme of situations.
Those who experience devastating betrayals such as cheating or lying in a marriage or relationship can quickly cause someone to feel slighted, especially if they feel their mistreatment is unfair and that there is no justice left in the world.
What might a spiteful person wish for?
A spiteful person may wish for harm and other negative experiences on a person who has hurt or betrayed them.
They may wish physical, emotional, and mental trouble for their perceived enemies.
They may also wish for the ongoing pain and suffering of those who have caused them grief in their lives.
How do I know if I am in a relationship with someone who is spiteful?
Unfortunately, at times, you may find yourself in a relationship with someone who is spiteful and bitter.
At first, you may not realize that the individual you are seeing is spiteful, especially when you first begin to date and see one another.
Over time, as you become more comfortable with one another, you may begin to notice that your partner has become increasingly agitated, irritable, bitter, and spiteful.
If a partner in a relationship is spiteful, it will likely become obvious before long.
Someone who is spiteful will have difficulties watching what they say, even when they are in front of others and in public.
If someone is bitter and spiteful, they will not hesitate to tear someone else down in order to help make themselves feel better.
They may openly wish harm on others, even if they proclaim that they are not serious or that they are only speaking reactively and out of anger.
When you are with someone who is spiteful, you may find it difficult to experience anything negative without them becoming increasingly bitter, upset, or even irate.
A spiteful individual may want to seek revenge on anyone and everyone that they perceive has hurt them, even if they have not or if they have only participated in innocuous actions and behaviors around them.
Spiteful individuals may find it difficult to see life any differently than through their own lenses.
How to remove yourself from a spiteful situation or relationship
Finding yourself stuck or trapped in a relationship with an individual who is spiteful and bitter is never pleasant.
At first, you may not have realized that your partner was exhibiting spiteful, rude, or bitter behavior.
Once you realize you are with someone who is constantly negative, bitter, and spiteful, you may be wondering how to go about removing yourself from the relationship and situation in its entirety.
First, you will need to acknowledge that you are in a relationship that is no longer healthy for you or serving you in a way that is positive, optimistic, and hopeful.
Consider how spiteful and bitter your partner is to determine whether or not it is possible for you to fix the relationship you have with one another.
Create a list of the pros and cons of being with your current partner, even if you do find them to be spiteful and negative too frequently for your own tastes.
Creating a pro and con list can provide you with a visual overview of your choices and the partner you are with to determine whether or not you should attempt to make it work and stay together.
Visualize yourself away from your partner. Do you feel relief, or do you miss them?
Do you find yourself wishing to be free from the spitefulness and bitterness that surround your partner?
If you have tried talking with your significant other and working through the issues they are experiencing when it comes to feeling spiteful to no avail, it may be best to cut your ties and move on.
Is it healthy for someone to feel spiteful all of the time?
No, it is not healthy for anyone to feel spiteful, bitter, upset, or angry all of the time.
While it is not uncommon to feel spiteful at times – especially when you experience devastation or betrayal – it is not considered normal to feel spiteful at all times.
If you are experiencing feeling spiteful and bitter regardless of your attempt to remove your own self from negative situations, you may need to seek additional counseling and therapy solutions.
Feeling spiteful all of the time is often an indicator of issues with one’s own self-esteem, insecurity, or self-image.
Oftentimes, individuals who feel spiteful all of the time are unable or unwilling to deal with underlying troubles or relationship woes that they have yet to confront and overcome.
If you notice yourself experiencing spitefulness more than usual, you may need to take a step back to evaluate your own feelings and emotions to get to the bottom of the issue(s).
How can I stop myself from feeling spiteful towards others?
Feeling spiteful towards others can be extremely taxing emotionally and intrusive in your everyday life, especially if you feel as if you have little to no control over your reactions, responses, and emotions, especially when it comes to spitefulness.
If you want to stop yourself from feeling spiteful toward others, you can do so by incorporating the following tips into your daily life:
- Recognize and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling when you begin to feel spiteful. Why are you feeling spiteful? Do you feel spiteful towards another individual, or due to a situation you have found yourself in?
- Consider what may be causing you to feel spiteful. What situation(s) are you in now that are causing you to feel upset, spiteful, bitter, or even vindictive? If you remove yourself from the environment, situation, or individual that is causing you to feel spiteful, will you feel better or any different?
- Remove yourself from the situation. Most of the time, feelings of spite do not just appear out of thin air and come out of nowhere. Most often, there are triggers for feelings of spitefulness, such as surrounding yourself with individuals who have hurt you or even placing yourself in a position that causes you to feel triggered or uncomfortable. If you are in a relationship with someone who is always negative and spiteful, you may need to think twice about whether or not the relationship is right for you.
- Ground yourself. Grounding yourself is essential, whether you are meditating to lower stress levels or if you simply want to remove yourself from feeling spiteful. When you practice meditation, breathwork, and self-awareness exercises, you can remain more aware and cognizant of your choices, decisions, as well as the emotions and reactions you provide when responding to others and other situations around you.
- Choose your circle wisely. Avoid surrounding yourself with others who are negative and/or constantly pessimistic. When you surround yourself with individuals who are always negative or bitter, you are much more likely to become spiteful and bitter yourself. Surround yourself with individuals who are confident in their self-image, love themselves, and love to spend time with others. When you have a healthy and positive friendship, it is much easier to steer clear of people who are rife with bitterness and spitefulness.
- Set healthy boundaries. Always set healthy boundaries in place for all friends, loved ones, and even for those you are dating and getting to know. When you have set healthy boundaries in place in any relationship, you can easily remove yourself from any situation or scenario that causes you to feel upset or uncomfortable. Even if your friend begins insulting others or acting spiteful towards strangers, you have the right to remain in control of your own life and its direction by setting healthy boundaries in place before you even begin to spend time with one another.
Feeling spiteful is not uncommon and can happen at any time in life when you feel hurt or betrayed.
Once you understand what can cause you to feel spiteful and how to recognize spiteful behavior in others, you can choose how to respond and react accordingly whenever you are in a situation where spitefulness is present.
Understanding spitefulness and how it can damage relationships can also help you to learn how to cope with and move past the bitterness you feel towards others, the past, and situations you have experienced yourself.
