You’ve been single for what feels like ages, and it sucks. You don’t really know what’s wrong – but are you starting to feel really low about it?
All your friends are settling down and you’re still flying solo, hoping that guys would notice you and that you’d meet someone who’s just right for you. It doesn’t have to be that way, though!
Here are 12 reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend – and what you can do to fix it.
1. You’re too picky.
He’s too short, too hairy, doesn’t have a good job, he still lives with his parents…
Do these sound like some of your excuses as to why you won’t date someone (despite them actually being a pretty great guy)? If you’re too picky, you’ll naturally build up defenses – and it’ll seem like no guy meets your requirements.
You may act aloof or condescending around a man who doesn’t meet your high standards. This is such a negative way to experience the world and definitely not a positive outlook on dating.
If all you do is weigh the pros and cons of every guy that’s interested in you, you’ll keep finding yourself single – and probably not happy.
Dating should be fun! It should help you get out of your comfort zone. Give someone new a chance, and allow yourself to be surprised. You never know who you might fall in love with!
How to Fix It
Simply give men a chance – and throw away your pros and cons lists once and for all! No one is perfect, and love and chemistry certainly can’t be summarized with a list.
2. Your attitude could use some adjusting.
How do you expect to meet someone if you’re emotionally unavailable – and your entire body language communicates that about you? You’ll appear aloof and reserved, and men won’t dare approach you.
You might meet someone great, but your attitude simply puts them off any thoughts of approaching you.
How to fix it
Have a word with yourself about how stuck you are in your comfort zone. If you need a wing woman, be honest with your friends so you don’t have to go out on your own or feel weird about it. It’s okay to ask for help – and if you really want to find a boyfriend, you could do with the help!
3. You’re too nervous.
Of course, when you’ve been single for a while, it’ll feel incredibly daunting to date again – but it isn’t impossible. In fact, you probably know exactly what you like and want from a relationship, as you’ve had a lot of time to think about it.
How to Fix It
Don’t overthink it. You aren’t your relationship status! You can play the dating field and feel confident about yourself. All it takes is a little courage and a bit of faith – it really isn’t that scary out there!
4. You’re too independent.
Can there be such a thing as too much independence? If you’ve been single for a while, you probably love your independence a little too much, and you cling to it. Sure, you might go on the occasional date, but you feel like no guy is worth giving up your freedom for.
You might even talk yourself out of giving someone a chance because dating can feel like too much effort and hard work when you have so many other things you’d rather be focusing on.
How to Fix It
Do you want to die alone? That’s one side effect of protecting your independence!
Get yourself a guy who won’t be threatened by your free spirit and who will support your ambition and endeavors. There are plenty of good guys out there who love and support a woman’s independence.
5. You’re too busy with your career.
When you’re single, you probably feel like throwing yourself entirely into your career and making big strides in your chosen field. You’ve probably noticed that you work longer hours, spend more time with colleagues outside of work, and say yes to all company drinks and events you get invited to.
You’re starting to notice a positive change in your career – which makes you feel confident about your future.
Then, a guy comes along, and you suddenly find yourself having to juggle a demanding job with dating. It just doesn’t seem to work – so you choose work, and pretty much give up on dating.
How to Fix It
No matter what anyone says, you don’t actually have to fix any of this. You don’t have to sacrifice your career and your success in order to date someone. However, if you do want to give men a chance, you’ll simply have to introduce some boundaries.
Be super honest with anyone you start dating about how important your job is for you and where you want to be, career-wise.
The right guy won’t be threatened by it and won’t push you to give up on your ambitions.
6. You don’t listen to advice.
While you might seek advice and whine to your best friends about your lack of success in the dating field, you don’t really take their advice close to heart – and you certainly don’t put it into practice.
As a result, you end up being in the same situation over and over again.
How to Fix It
You can’t keep making the same mistakes – whether that’s consistently going for the wrong type of man, not making enough effort, being jealous or needy, or anything else that your close friends or family would tell you to stop doing if you want to keep a guy for longer.
If you want to make a change, ask for advice – and listen to it, no matter how tough it might be to hear some things.
If you come off as high-maintenance, needy, or jealous – your best friends can tell you that. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you for who you are; it simply means they care about you and want to help you make a positive change.
7. You avoid dating apps.
Many people say dating apps aren’t for everyone – but that’s such a lie! Yes, they can be hard work. It might feel like they’re only effective for really attractive people or those who can take a great selfie – and sure, it takes a little time in between swiping and texting before you actually decide whether you want to meet them.
However, there’s no good reason why you should discard dating apps altogether. There are so many out there to choose from! It’s not all about Tinder. Here are some alternative (and better!) options to definitely consider:
- Bumble: This is the dating app for empowered women and men who don’t mind letting a woman take the first step. You’ll feel in charge of your decisions and it can be a really good option for you.
- OkCupid: There’s so much data in the backend of OkCupid that it’d be virtually impossible not to get good matches. The more information you add about yourself, the better the algorithm will match you with like-minded people.
- Happn: Letting you find people you’ve crossed paths with locally.
How to Fix It
Download more than one dating app on your phone if you’re serious about finding a boyfriend. Spend some dedicated time browsing profiles and connecting with men.
Remember that online is not real life – so it’s always best to meet in person even if it’s just for a quick coffee during your lunch break.
8. You’re too impatient.
You want it all! Especially after being single for a while. You meet someone great, and you suddenly want to do everything with him – All. The. Time. You come on too strong!
You’ve probably forgotten that the start of dating someone new has its own unique pace, and you can’t just take a shortcut. If you are too impatient to even get to know someone before calling him your boyfriend, that might be a problem.
How to Fix It
It’s important to have a check-in with yourself when you’re dating someone new. Do you really want to be with this person – or do you just want to desperately change your relationship status on Facebook?
Those things are different – so you should really figure out where you’re rushing to.
9. You’ve been hurt too much.
Maybe you’ve been hurt too many times in the past and have lost all hope in men. You’re afraid to commit to someone and just don’t think it’s for you anymore.
How to Fix It
Heartbreak can be really traumatizing, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If it’s happened a few times in the past, it might seem like you’ll never find true love – but you have to remember that not all men are the same.
Usually, you’ll need to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. When you find the right guy – the one you’re meant to be with and who treats you just right – you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with any of the other men you’ve ever dated.
It’s important to learn from the past and not be defined by it. That includes not seeing dating failures as a failure on your part. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
10. You’re too desperate.
Do you love getting in a relationship with a guy? Are you head over heels with everyone you date? Do you get too clingy and desperate too fast?
Most men won’t react well to a desperate woman. In fact, it’s one of the 11 Things Men Hate About Women.
Men like to chase women. They don’t feel like it’s worth their time if a woman gives in too quickly, or worse, chases him instead!
How to Fix It
This is a much deeper issue that may require a lot of work to eradicate. You have to start by asking yourself:
Why do you feel the need to chase a man?
Why are you seeking a man’s validation of your worth?
Do you want to be the prize he can’t stop thinking about – and the high-value woman that every man desperately craves?
You won’t be that kind of woman with desperate, needy behavior. Start working on your self-esteem, or you’ll keep finding yourself dumped by men who can’t take this behavior anymore. Check out these 20 Surefire Ways to Make Him Chase You in a Relationship for some useful tips!
11. You’re too shy.
Similar to a lack of self-esteem, this is something you need to tackle on your own. No one can give you a magic formula for how to stop being shy!
How to Fix It
Get yourself out there, take baby steps, and don’t be afraid to fail. That’s what life is all about! Check out these 17 Best Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem and Stay Positive, and reconnect with who you are.
12. You’re simply happier on your own.
At the end of the day, not every woman wants to be in a relationship every day of her life. Some women are simply happier on their own – and there’s nothing wrong about that. You can’t let society determine who you should be and how you should lead your life!
How to Fix It
Don’t! If you’re happy and content living your life to the fullest while single, then so what? You are not your relationship status! There are so many benefits to being single. Just embrace it, and enjoy it!
