Making a relationship work is not always easy, especially after years or even decades of being with your partner. While some relationships seem to stand the test of time with ease, others can leave you feeling insecure and confused about your future and the even trajectory of your life.
If you are concerned that your boyfriend is pulling away from you or is no longer interested in the relationship he has with you, there are a few signs to watch for that can help you better understand the situation. The more aware you are of your boyfriend’s actions and behaviors, the easier it will be to confront and change a situation that no longer serves you.
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1. You feel increasingly distant from him.
If you feel increasingly distant from your boyfriend with little to no explanation, he may not be as interested in the relationship any longer. While it is always important to openly discuss how you are feeling—as well as how he may be feeling—to determine if there are other areas of the relationship that require attention, distance is a tell-tale sign that something is wrong.
You may feel this way because he is mentally and emotionally distancing himself from you. You may also feel like he is spending more time focusing on other people and other areas of his life that no longer involve you.
2. You no longer feel as if you are his top priority.
In any successful romantic relationship, partners help to make one another feel as if they are a top priority. When you no longer feel as if you are your boyfriend’s top priority, it may be time to take a step back to assess and evaluate the relationship.
If your boyfriend no longer puts you first and no longer puts your wants and needs above others, he may have already checked out of the relationship. Observe your boyfriend’s words and actions when the two of you are making plans, having conversations, and discussing your futures with one another.
3. He ignores your complaints and concerns.
Open and honest communication is a must for any relationship to work, platonic or romantic. If your boyfriend openly ignores your complaints and concerns, it is likely he is not as deeply committed to the relationship as you. When you attempt to share your feelings and concerns about various areas of your relationship, it is important to feel heard, listened to, and understood, especially by your boyfriend.
4. He has stopped asking how you are feeling.
When your boyfriend is no longer asking you how you are feeling or how you are doing, he may be checked out of the relationship. As with any issue in a relationship, it is highly advisable to discuss how your boyfriend is feeling himself to ensure that there are no other problems or struggles he is facing in his personal life.
5. He forgets things you have told him.
Have you noticed that your boyfriend forgets things you have told him or no longer gives you the attention that he once did? Is he focused on others more than you? Does he no longer seem to have an interest in hearing what you have to say?
If you find that your boyfriend is no longer paying attention to what you say, it may be time to have a discussion on the matter or it may be time to consider a new relationship.
6. He no longer makes plans with you.
If your boyfriend was once the master of making elaborate plans with you and now makes plans on his own, he may no longer care about the relationship you have with one another. Wanting to spend time with your partner is a tell-tale sign that he or she is still interested in everything that you have to offer. When you no longer feel included and begin to feel excluded when it comes to your boyfriend’s plans, it may be time to start thinking about a fresh start.
7. You feel the relationship is only about sex.
When a relationship begins to feel as if it is only about sex and you are left wanting more, it may be time to move on. If your boyfriend is no longer interested in you on a deeper and more mental level and is, instead, hyper-focused on sex only, there is a chance that he has checked himself out of your relationship.
If your boyfriend is no longer interested in discussing plans for the future or having deep conversations with you, you may need to move on—especially if you are interested in more than just a physical connection.
8. You feel you are putting more effort into the relationship than him.
If you notice that you are putting more time and effort into the relationship than your boyfriend, then it is time to discuss these matters openly and honestly with each other. When you feel as if you are pulling your weight and contributing more to the relationship, it is important to speak up and voice your concerns. In some cases, your boyfriend may simply be unaware of your wants and needs and feel disappointed that he has not kept up with his end.
Ongoing dialogue and open communication go a long way, especially if you are fixing and/or repairing the relationship you have with your boyfriend. However, if your boyfriend is dismissive of your concerns and is no longer interested in attempting to repair your relationship, it is best to cut ties and move on as quickly as possible.
9. You sometimes feel as if he is not exclusively yours.
Feeling secure and comfortable with a partner is a goal that most strive for, especially those who are seeking long-term, monogamous commitments. If you do not feel secure in your relationship, it is not likely to last.
If you begin to have a sneaking suspicion that your boyfriend is no longer interested in a mutually exclusive relationship, it may be time to have a conversation. Feeling as if your boyfriend is interested in or is already seeing others is a major red flag that he no longer cares about the relationship he has with you.
10. There is little to no progression in terms of conversations, plans, and your future.
Do you try to have conversations about the future you envision with your boyfriend, only to have them ignored or brushed off? A partner who is truly committed to his girlfriend is more likely to remain open and receptive to discussions regarding the future, especially after being with his girlfriend for an extended period of time. If your boyfriend does not want to discuss future plans with you, yet they are important, it may be time to have a serious talk. If you cannot agree on the same future with one another, it may be best to go your separate ways so you can pursue a future that is truly right for you.
11. You feel lonely even when you are with him.
Feeling lonely, even when you are in a relationship, is one of the most difficult emotions to handle. While it is known that you will feel lonely without a partner, having a partner and still feeling a sense of loneliness is a serious issue and warning. Feeling alone even when you are spending time with your boyfriend may mean that it is time to move on or that it is time to have a serious conversation about the direction in which your relationship is headed. When you feel distant and alone in the same room, talking is a must to avoid causing additional issues and tensions to arise.
12. He is not open to making long-term commitments with you.
Did you get involved with your boyfriend not knowing where your relationship was headed? Do you want more from your relationship? If you have decided that you are interested in a long-term commitment and a serious relationship, but your boyfriend is not even open to a discussion, then it’s time to move on.
If your boyfriend does not want to discuss long-term relationships, but he is enjoying your company and all that you provide, he is likely trying to avoid commitment to one woman while still living his life free from strings and attachments.
13. He makes comments about other women and flirts openly in front of you.
If your boyfriend makes comments about other women in front of you, he may no longer respect your boundaries and feelings. If he is openly flirting in front of you then he is being blatantly disrespectful. Discussing these issues openly should be a top priority in order to determine whether or not it is worth it to pursue the relationship any further.
14. He blames you rather than working to improve your relationship.
Playing the blame game is never good, especially in a romantic relationship. If you find yourself feeling blamed by your boyfriend over every issue and conflict, it may be time to reassess your relationship altogether. If your boyfriend continuously blames you for any issues that arise in your relationship or any trouble you encounter together as a couple, you may need to step back and evaluate your situation and whether or not it is worth it.
It is never okay for one individual to take on and assume all blame and responsibility in a relationship, as all relationships take two. If you notice that your boyfriend has been increasingly blameful, it may be time to have a discussion regarding why he feels this way and whether or not pursuing the relationship is the right move for you.
15. He makes decisions in his life without involving you, even in conversation.
Is your boyfriend constantly making plans and decisions without having conversations with you, if even only to seek your advice? If your boyfriend is making plans and decisions without thinking of you, he may not be as dedicated and committed to the relationship as you are.
While it is imperative for both individuals in a committed relationship to retain a sense of independence and a life of their own, it is also important for committed couples to keep an open and ongoing dialogue about their lives and plans together as well as apart. When your partner begins to make plans with others without keeping you in the loop, there may be underlying issues and problems in the relationship that require attention as quickly as possible.
16. You don’t know his family or close friends.
Do you know all of your boyfriend’s relatives and close friends? Depending on how long you have been together, you may or may not feel that it is time to get to know those who are involved in your partner’s life.
If you are in a serious and long-term relationship with your boyfriend but you do not know his family or friends, it may be time to reevaluate what your relationship means to him and whether or not it is what you want and need. When a boyfriend is truly interested in a woman and is committed to a future with her, he will be excited to show her off to his family members and friends. A man who is genuinely in love with his partner will be excited to introduce her to those he cares about, especially if he already has great relationships with others in his life.
If you feel excluded from the life of your boyfriend outside of your relationship, consider having a conversation on the matter to learn more about why he may be keeping you from meeting them. Barring scarred relationships or a negative past with family, your boyfriend should want his loved ones to get to know any partner he cares about.
17. He stops initiating conversations and plans with you.
When your boyfriend stops making plans or initiating conversations with you, it may be time to move on. Once your boyfriend is no longer interested in involving you in his plans or conversations, you are no longer his priority and it is time to move on. If a man is romantically interested in a woman, he will not stop pursuing her or trying to spend time with her—even if they have already been together for years. If your boyfriend is no longer interested in maintaining relationship plans and conversations, it is best to find someone else who is more suited for you.
Although it is never pleasant to realize that your boyfriend no longer cares about your relationship, it is best to do so sooner rather than later. If your boyfriend is becoming increasingly distant or no longer considers you a top priority, it may be time for you to cut ties and move on to bigger and better things.
