There is nothing more beautiful than being in love. You live on cloud nine and your feet cannot touch the ground.
You see color all around you and your heart feels secure in the warm embrace of care. This fantasy, however, sometimes comes to a halt as reality hits you head-on.
The love that made you float can become a weight dragging you down, crushing you against the rough terrain of life.
Though it might seem obvious in theory, truly realizing your once-blooming love might be wilting is a difficult task.
Most of the time, we just don’t want to accept that the hopes and dreams we linked to that one perfect person are being crushed.
Sometimes, we fall out of love slowly. All the small changes take a while to pile up and become something that we can recognize.
Whatever it may be, it is important to identify when our relationship is just not working.
Here are 15 signs that you might be stuck in a loveless relationship:
1. Priorities have changed
When we are truly in love, our minds get a kind of tunnel vision. We think about our person constantly. We think of them in everything we do and every decision we make.
Will he like me wearing this dress? Will my weekend plans excite him too? I wonder where he would like to take our next vacation…the thoughts are endless.
A red flag that your relationship no longer has that love is when you no longer think about your significant other in what you do.
They are no longer a priority. How your actions might affect them seems insignificant – if you’re thinking about that at all.
If you don’t prioritize your significant other anymore, it might be time to reflect and ponder the foundation of your relationship.
2. It’s just a routine
It’s easy to feel comfortable in a routine that is familiar to you – there’s a sense of safety in known patterns. Sometimes, however, this comfort keeps us from admitting tough realities.
Nobody likes pain and chaos. We become hesitant when confronted with the fear of the unknown that comes with ending a relationship.
This can cause us to drag a relationship on longer than we should, even if there is no love there anymore.
You might be sacrificing feeling loved, being cared for, and the excitement that a loving relationship brings just to have the stability you are so used to.
It is wiser to recognize if your relationship has just become another part of your day-to-day happenings.
It’s ok to admit that it’s not the driving factor anymore, just something that is there.
3. No time for arguments
The idea of arguments being necessary for love might seem oxymoronic at first. Isn’t not having arguments the whole point of being in a loving relationship?
No arguments should mean good news.
Yes and no. While it is true that arguing too much is not desirable in a relationship, a complete lack of arguments is also a red flag.
Everyone will tell you how communication is the backbone of every relationship. But the fact is, this communication will sometimes result in arguments.
And that’s a good thing.
Every relationship has its fair share of healthy arguments that let both partners know it is worth fighting for. Both of you care enough to express your frustrations to resolve any conflicts.
If your relationship has no place for arguments, then the fundamental care that holds a relationship together might be lacking. There might be no love to fight for.
4. Awkward silence
Being in love with a person makes you want to spill your soul to them.
You want to tell them what excites you, what makes you feel bad, what it was about that one movie that made you cry your eyes out . . . the chatter does not stop.
But if you no longer find the two of you sitting down and talking about whatever, you need to ask yourself where this lack of communication is coming from.
Sure, not everyone is always in the mood to talk. There can be off days where one or both of you are too exhausted to have meaningful discussions.
However, if you repeatedly experience this pattern of awkward silences, neither of you sharing anything, then it might be because the way you value each other has changed.
You are no longer the person they want to pour their heart out to, and they are not the person you want to talk to anymore either.
5. Intimacy isn’t intimate
Intimacy is an important need in most traditional relationships. This is where your passion for each other comes out. You want to feel loved and make your partner feel just as loved as well.
If intimacy used to be an important factor in your relationship, something you both enjoyed and looked forward to, then its dwindling can be a big warning sign.
Sometimes this can be confusing. You might think you still are frequently intimate with your partner.
The physical and mechanical acts of intimacy can still be present in your relationship, but they might not feel as intimate.
This longing for something that isn’t there anymore, something that might be there physically but not in spirit, can take a toll on you.
This is not uncommon either. You know when something is wrong, but you must trust your gut and reflect on what it means for your relationship.
6. Your dreams don’t feature each other
You’d be lying if you claimed that you have never sat there thinking about your perfect future with your perfect partner – imagining all the places you want to visit with them and all the memories you want to make.
Just the thought of doing something with your love excites you.
Making plans together brings you happiness. Some of them might never come to fruition, but just dreaming about them is a pleasure.
Then that excitement withers away. Your plans turn very structured, precise, and well thought out, but your partner is no longer a key feature in them.
Some of your plans even clash with your partner’s, but for some reason, this doesn’t bother you – not anymore.
If you have reached the point of imagining a future that doesn’t necessarily feature your “love,” then it isn’t far-fetched to say that they aren’t your love anymore.
They might still be holding the title, but your heart has long taken it back.
7. Other people excite you more
Fascination with our significant other can be tamed when we get settled in a mature and secure relationship, but their ability to light us up never really goes away.
Our partners hold our hearts and can bring out the best in us. They can lift us out of a bad mood, make us feel alive, and help us know that we are safe.
If you have lost that sense of reliance on your partner and they are no longer the person who influences you in such a way, then it might be a sign that your relationship is losing its strength over time.
This does not mean that there isn’t a place for other meaningful relationships in your life, but that the person who is supposed to excite you the most isn’t able to do so anymore.
You might find yourself happier, more energized, and more full of life with others the same way you did with your partner in the past.
These feelings reflect the health of your current relationship, especially if you don’t care to feel that way around your partner anymore.
8. You can’t be yourself around each other
Every day we learn something new about life, and that new experience helps us grow. And as we grow, we change. The question is whether our relationship grows with us or not.
If you have found new hobbies or interests that might not match the past, and you think your partner might not welcome them, then this can cause you to be less interested in your partner.
Loving and secure relationships contain space for evolution.
Both partners should be able to learn new things and develop themselves as individuals. If your relationship now lacks this, try to figure out why.
Maybe the relationship is trying to remain as it was because there is no love to expand beyond what was already there.
9. Romance seems forced
All couples have their own idea of romance. So, not every romantic gesture has to be cheesy or even traditional. Whatever makes the two of you feel loved and wanted is romantic.
Being romantic and making space for romance is usually a priority in a relationship. Both lovers know and realize the importance of each other.
However, this passion doesn’t convey itself telepathically. We convey it through our actions and spontaneous romantic gestures.
In relationships that are slowly dying, romance often takes a back seat. It might seem too forced – a chore carried out because it’s just what couples do.
Romance shouldn’t be a task on your checklist for the day. It should be fueled by feelings of love and admiration for each other.
If that love isn’t there, then there’s no reason for romance in the first place.
10. More complaints than compliments
We all like to vent sometimes, some more than others. Going to our girlfriends to spill our dirty laundry while we try to find solutions for our problems is undeniably cathartic.
Complaints are common in relationships as well. Two people sharing life are bound to have disagreements. The good thing about love is that it’s understanding and forgiving.
If you find yourself complaining about your relationship and your significant other all the time, then there’s certainly trouble in paradise.
A healthy relationship has ups and downs and goods and bads.
If the bad parts are taking over the good parts, and you find nothing to appreciate, the love that once helped smooth out small setbacks might not be there anymore.
11. You don’t miss each other
Going home to your love or finally having the time to meet up is the highlight of the day for many people, especially if you truly feel a connection with your partner.
Not having the urge to just be with your partner, have them be around, or bask in their energy might be a sign that your heart just doesn’t desire them like it used to.
Being with your partner all the time is not the goal here. But if you are not missing them in situations where you used to love having them around, that is something to be aware of.
It could be a movie or just a walk, but if you would rather not have your person there, then this could be a sign that you don’t want to be in the relationship either.
12. Feeling needed not wanted
Being wanted is one of the most validating feelings. The idea of someone picking us and choosing to be with us is an incredibly attractive thought – one that warms our hearts.
If your relationship feels like a need (not want) for one or both of you, then it might be another sign of a loveless arrangement.
It’s turned into a thing that just benefits you but isn’t necessarily desired past those benefits.
“I can’t leave because they need me.” is not something someone in a secure relationship would say. Relationships are not transactional.
An element of choice has to exist – a conscious decision to be with each other, not just being together out of fear or need.
13. There’s nothing that you enjoy together
Movies or games, cooking or sports, all couples have their thing. It could be just having long walks on the beach or chilling at home with your pets.
Some activities become tools for your expression of love.
These provide you with entertainment, make you feel content and even productive at times. These activities are linked to your partner because you do them together or not at all.
If you slowly fall into routines that no longer involve any such activities for you both to enjoy together, it could be because you no longer associate the same value with them.
Having them there has no additional meaning, which puts a question mark over your relationship.
14. Dates seem like a chore
You finally do it. You take time out of your busy routine; you realize how long ago you two went out together and you feel accomplished to finally be on a date.
This accomplishment, however, feels insignificant because the date is just another thing you get over before you finish your day.
You do the things you are supposed to do without them bringing any joy.
You think this might be because you are out of the honeymoon phase, but it might not be. Dates are special ways for us to spend time with our partners.
If you don’t appreciate these moments anymore, then your relationship might just be gone – blown away like ash on a windy day.
15. You feel empty
If they are on the right track, relationships bring us love, safety, security, and happiness.
You have the time and energy to grow, and you enjoy watching your partner grow with you, sharing in your journey.
If this isn’t doing anything for your feelings as a person, you might not be getting the value out of your relationship that you once thought you did.
If you are feeling empty and have a desire for something more, this could be due to a setback in the relationship.
But if this is a barrier that you haven’t been able to overcome, then it could be that you and your partner are simply no longer filling each other’s hearts.
