Coping with a breakup is never easy, especially if you have been in a long-term, committed relationship for years.
After a breakup, you may be tempted to immediately begin dating, or you might prefer to wait a bit to grieve and overcome your emotions.
Quickly entering a new relationship is not uncommon and is often referred to as a “rebound” relationship.
A rebound relationship is a relationship that typically occurs immediately after a breakup.
Oftentimes, people turn to new relationships in order to seek out a partner who demonstrates qualities and traits that are the opposite of what their previous partner provided.
Understanding when a rebound relationship is failing will not only save you time but will also help to preserve your emotions and feelings.
When you know what to look for in a failing rebound relationship, you can do what’s best for your future.
Table of Contents
1. You entered into the relationship from a point of weakness
Dealing with a breakup is not always easy, nor is it a straightforward process.
If you were in a long-term monogamous, committed relationship, you will likely experience a myriad of emotions and phases of grief, even if you know the relationship needed to end.
Grieving the end of a relationship is common and, in most cases, it is healthy and necessary.
Entering into a brand new relationship before you have recovered from your previous relationship can quickly lead you down a road of trouble.
If you enter into a new relationship from a point of weakness, pain, and grief, it is much more difficult to build a solid foundation with your rebound partner.
Entering into a relationship from a point of weakness may also cause you to feel stuck and trapped, especially after you have worked through your emotions and the grief you are experiencing from your last relationship.
When you end a serious relationship, it is best to take time to fully grieve and recover before you begin pursuing relationships again.
Once you are healed and have recovered from your past relationship traumas, you can again begin dating and seeking out a partner from a position of strength.
2. You are using the relationship as a distraction
One of the biggest motivators for jumping into a new relationship after ending an old one is to use the relationship as a distraction.
Rebound relationships are great distractions, especially when you are working on getting over your ex.
Exploring the world around you with a new partner who is the opposite of your ex can be exciting and refreshing.
In fact, you may feel as though you have found the perfect person for you, especially if you are leaving a tumultuous or abusive relationship.
It is important to remember that rebound relationships do not always remain as perfect and flawless as they first appear.
Eventually, rebound relationships merge into traditional relationships, which is typically when it is time to determine whether or not it is the right relationship for you.
3. You were wanting to make your ex jealous
If you are trying to make your ex jealous by seeking out a new partner, you are already setting up your rebound relationship for failure.
If you are still preoccupied with what your ex will think, you have not yet fully accepted your breakup or grieved the loss of the relationship.
Using a new partner in an attempt to make your ex jealous is not only unfair to your new partner but is also unfair to yourself.
Not focusing on your own needs and what is best for you and your life in terms of a relationship is time-consuming and not rewarding whatsoever.
When you focus on getting back at your ex or making them jealous, you are taking away from precious time that could be spent building your own life in various areas.
In many cases, you may not even be aware of attempting to make your ex jealous.
You may need to take time to reflect on your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to determine whether or not your rebound relationship is genuine or if you are using it as a tool to get back at your ex.
4. You are projecting traits onto your new partner
If you project traits of your ex onto your new dating partner, they may feel awkward or pressured and this will cause an immediate rift between the two of you.
Speaking about your ex – the qualities and traits you liked in them – with your new dating partner can turn them off and keep them from wanting to pursue anything further with you.
If you are too preoccupied with projecting the traits of your ex onto your new dating partner, you will miss out on opportunities to get to know potential romantic partners on a personal and intimate level.
Projecting your ex’s traits onto your new dating partner can also cause you to fall for the same traps and hang-ups that ended your previous relationship in the first place.
5. You are preoccupied with repairing or your relationship with your ex
Do you find it difficult to think about anything other than repairing or rekindling the relationship you had with your ex?
If so, you may not be ready to jump into a relationship with a new partner, even if you intend to do so just for fun.
When you are preoccupied with your ex or the idea of getting back together with an ex-partner, it is best to take a step back and reevaluate your wants and needs, as well as your overall emotional health and wellbeing.
Depending on the length of your previous relationship, you may require more time than the average person in order to truly cope and recover from the pain you feel after breaking up.
You may require months or even more than a year before you feel truly ready to begin dating again.
Before jumping into a new relationship or a rebound relationship, consider your true feelings.
Oftentimes, it is difficult to admit it when we are still grieving the loss of a relationship, even if we wanted the relationship to end.
When you are going through the traumatic experience of a serious breakup it is important to keep your mental and emotional wellbeing in check at all times.
If you find yourself preoccupied with getting back together with your ex or if you are finding it difficult to cut contact, you may need to take additional steps and actions before jumping into a brand new rebound relationship.
6. You avoid inviting your new partner into your friend and family circles
Another sign that a rebound relationship is not working out is that you avoid inviting your partner into your inner circles.
If you are spending time with friends and family members but do not yet want to invite your partner, you may not be as into your partner as you thought.
If you are in a rebound relationship and you are hesitant to introduce your partner to your close circle of friends, you may subconsciously know that you are not ready or that your partner is not right for you.
When you are making plans with those who mean the most to you, consider whether or not you want to invite your rebound partner along.
If you are open to the idea of introducing your rebound partner to your friends and family, you may have the ability to work through your rebound phase and into a genuine and authentic relationship stage.
7. You rushed into your rebound relationship
Jumping into a relationship immediately after ending a committed one is often a recipe for disaster.
Even if you haven’t just left another relationship, it is best to never rush into a romantic or committed relationship.
Rushing into a relationship can feel exciting, especially after getting out of a relationship that was detrimental or unhealthy.
When you start a new relationship after leaving an old one, you may feel as if you are on cloud nine.
However, you will find it difficult to see the flaws and idiosyncrasies in your new partner that may aggravate you or conflict with your way of life.
When you enter into a new relationship, it is important to take your time to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
When you take your time entering into a new relationship, you are much less likely to be confronted with unpleasantness once the honeymoon period of your rebound relationship wears off.
8. Your new relationship is only surface level
Another way to tell if a rebound relationship is failing is to determine whether or not you have a true and genuine connection with your partner or if your relationship is simply surface deep.
Many rebound relationships are only surface level, meaning they are typically about physical and sexual attraction rather than companionship and long-term commitment.
If you are only attracted to your new partner as a means of forgetting about your ex, or if you are only interested in your new partner physically, your rebound relationship is not likely to last.
Long-term relationships not only require both physical and mental attraction, but they also require the desire for companionship and long-term connections.
When you are in a rebound relationship, commitment may be the last thing on your mind, especially if you were committed to your past partner for years or decades.
9. It’s too hot, too fast
Immediately jumping into a new rebound relationship after ending a previous relationship can be fun, exciting, and refreshing.
However, this can be extremely detrimental to you if you have not yet grieved for an ex or if you are not yet fully ready to be independent and on your own again.
Jumping into a rebound relationship to help repair and replace your old relationship can leave you feeling empty and co-dependent, especially if you have not had any time on your own to relearn what it is like to be independent and single.
While you might be tempted to jump into a rebound relationship immediately after severing ties with your ex, this can lead to serious issues and expectations of your new partner that are not only unrealistic but unfair.
It is best to wait until you have fully coped with your previous relationship and with being single again before you get out there to date again.
Taking the time to fully recover and to get to know yourself is essential to finding a partner that is right for you.
10. You get tired of being around your new partner
While you may have had fun in the first few weeks or months of dating, you may find yourself getting tired of being around your new partner once the honeymoon phase fades.
Once you have had fun and you are through the grieving process, you will likely find yourself getting tired of being around your partner.
You may find yourself feeling increasingly annoyed, aggravated, and put off by your partner’s innocuous actions and behaviors.
You might find yourself picking out all of the flaws of your new rebound partner, rather than searching for their features and the personality traits that you enjoy.
11. You start avoiding your rebound partner
If you are avoiding your rebound partner or if you begin to make excuses as to why you are unable to see or spend time with them, your rebound relationship may be failing.
Making a concerted effort to avoid your rebound partner and to steer clear of their texts and calls is a tell-tale sign that your rebound relationship is over and that it is time to move on.
If you find it difficult to confront your new partner and are torn by your feelings, it’s ok to step away from the situation for a bit of self-reflection to determine the best course of action.
While it may not be easy to admit, it is best to confront the end of a rebound relationship as quickly as possible to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings even more down the line.
Knowing your limits and how to remain in-tune with your own emotions and grief is an essential element in truly recovering and overcoming the end of a serious relationship.
When you are well-aware of when a relationship is failing, you can determine if your relationship is a rebound relationship or if it is something more.