Relationships – the best part of our lives, or the worst part of our lives. When it comes to relationships there are some common flaws that can break them. It’s important to recognize which of these are common in your relationship. Here are the 15 most common flaws in a relationship.
1. Committing too quickly
When you like someone you only want to be with them. You want to see them every day, you feel the need to text them 20 times a day, you want to know what they’re up to, and whether they are thinking about you.
It means that you are falling for them too quickly. How do you know that they can be trusted? How do you know that they are the right one for you? Putting all your eggs in one basket can be a little risky. Do you even know that person?
Committing to a guy too quickly will most likely make you oversee any bad signs about them. You’ll be wearing your pink sunglasses, seeing only the good in them, avoiding red flags, even the most obvious ones. It might also make you appear a little bit too needy or clingy, which makes you vulnerable and prone to heartbreak early on.
2. Committing too slow
While committing too quickly to a guy may be a mistake, committing too slow could also harm the relationship. It’s a fine balance between the two! If you like a guy and you want to be with him, you want to be exclusive and you are done seeing others, it’s important that he knows that.
But if you like to keep your options open, if you’re not quite ready to settle in with him, or simply not too sure about him, then you may be in danger of missing out on a great guy, just because you’re not ready to commit yet.
Make sure you don’t drag a guy around for your amusement and entertainment, especially if you know he wants a serious relationship, and you aren’t ready for one.
3. Letting people interfere with your relationship
One of the most common flaws in a relationship is letting others have a say in it. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, nobody can be the judge of your relationship, or tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.
If you tend to overshare, ensuring that all your friends and family know everything there is to know about your relationship, then don’t be surprised if they start making comments about it.
They might feel like it’s their right to comment on anything regarding your relationship. Whether it’s about his job, his background, how he dresses, how he treats you, etc.
You need to establish clear boundaries when it comes to your relationships. Keep the juicy details to yourself, and avoid oversharing. Respect your partner’s privacy and don’t allow unsolicited advice which may harm your relationship.
4. Not talking about money
A major flaw in a relationship could simply be not establishing where you both stand in terms of money. That means anything from shared budget and bank account, what you spend on, your attitude towards saving and investment, your goals, and aspirations.
There is a saying that there are two things that could break a relationship – cheating or money. Make sure that your relationship with money doesn’t interfere with your actual romantic relationship.
There is no one size fits all – it doesn’t mean that if your friends all have a shared bank account with their partner you also need the same. It means that you’re on the same wavelength with your partner about money – how you both spend them and save them.
5. Trying to control the other person
You should know by now that trying to control another person is never a good sign in a loving relationship. Our romantic partners are not our possession. Our relationship is a partnership, a constant dance between compromise, commitment, and communication.
If you have the constant need to control your partner, to tell them what they can or cannot do, who they can or cannot hang out with, somehow shaping their life and entire personality, then you need to have a serious talk with yourself.
A relationship is about trust, respect, and understanding. Trying to control the other person means that you believe you know what’s best for them and best for the relationship. You show that you don’t value their choices, their personality, or even their entire way of living.
A relationship is not about molding the other person to our taste, it’s about finding perfection in an imperfect person.
6. Losing the romance
If you don’t make time for romance in your relationship, then why are you even in a relationship? Losing the romance and intimacy in a romantic relationship is a sure-fire way to break up.
Making time to simply sit with each other, to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss regularly, to have sex – is essential in a long-lasting relationship.
If you lose the romance, you lose the relationship.
7. Having unrealistic expectations
Want a happy relationship? Then lower your expectations! It doesn’t mean lowering your standards or not valuing your needs in a relationship.
On the contrary, it means accepting that no relationship or partner is perfect, it means acknowledging that some things will go wrong, there will be ups and downs, and it’s the right partner that will stick by your side when things go wrong who truly deserves your love.
Women are raised to seek a fairy-tale-like relationship. They believe in the one, the soul mate, the knight in shining armor who will just come round one day and sweep them off their feet, and then they will live happily ever after.
What the fairy tales failed to tell women is that relationships are hard work and one of the biggest flaws is anticipating that a relationship can be perfect, and the right partner will be able to read your mind – he will understand all your wants and needs, he will know what makes you happy at any given moment.
If that’s the fairy-tale you believe in then it’s time to wake up.
8. Trying to change the other person
Similar to trying to control your partner is trying to change them. A question people often ask is “how do I get my partner to be more romantic?” Or “how do I get them to be more passionate?” Or to dress better?
These can all be summarised with one question: “how can I change my partner? “
Of course, personal growth is important and absolutely crucial in a healthy relationship. But trying to change your partner or fundamental parts about who they are can be extraordinarily difficult, not to mention – it’s a bad idea!
If there are one too many things about your partner that you want to change, maybe you’re not the right person for them. Think about it – why would you want to go into a relationship where the other party keeps telling you that there are things about you that they want to change?
9. Being too co-dependent.
Some women go into a relationship ready to commit fully to their partner, and completely abandon their lives. It’s a really sad picture to observe and happens way too often.
One of the biggest flaws in a relationships is simply becoming too co-dependent on your partner, attaching yourself to their life, friends, hobbies, their entire being. Whilst failing to make time for your own hobbies, friends and life. Becoming too co-dependent on your partner is a sure-fire way to ruin a good relationship.
It will often mean cancelling on your plans in order to be with him or neglecting your friends and family in order to make more time for his friends and family.
Whilst you may be thinking that you’re doing your best to maintain a strong relationship, what you will be failing to realise is that you are doing nobody a favour. Your partner will be wondering what happened to the independent, cool woman he fell in love with.
Your friends will be wondering why you so obsessed with your boyfriend that you cannot make time for anything else in your life. You will find yourself in the middle of it all, definitely not winning either way.
10. Keeping secrets
One of the most common flaws in a relationship is keeping secrets from your partner. Do you find yourself trying to keep certain parts of your life a secret from him? Are there hobbies or friends in your life that you’re ashamed of, and rather not share?
A good relationship means bringing your true self to it – fully and openly. That means allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to be true to yourself, to be real. Keeping secrets has no space in a loving relationship.
And if you find yourself having done something wrong that you really want to tell your partner about, then you need to be honest with yourself and admit your fault, realizing that only through honesty can you come out the other side stronger.
11. Arguing about everything
Communication is the bedrock of a strong relationship. However, some partners prefer to tackle every disagreement directly, head on! Instead of talking through it calmly, trying to see the other person’s point of view, looking for compromise and a common ground, they prefer to scream and shout to get their point across.
There will always be squabbles in a relationship, they are completely unavoidable. However, trying to resolve them every time they happen thus creating conflict on a day-to-day basis is definitely not a healthy way to be in a relationship.
It doesn’t mean boiling it all down or ignoring it. It means simply being the bigger person, not having to win every argument, being able to see beyond your point of view and woke in the other persons shoes.
12. Avoiding confrontation entirely
On the other side of the spectrum we’ve got couples who would do anything to avoid confrontation in their relationship. They would rather let things go even when they have been hurt, suppress their feelings until it becomes really problematic down the line, instead of addressing the issue, and being honest about it.
The worst thing you can do is when something troubles you in your relationship you choose to confide in your friends and family, whilst avoiding talking about it with your partner.
13. Not communicating enough
Life can be so busy for couples that they often forget to communicate with one another. Communication is not about letting each other know when you’ll be back for dinner, agreeing on summer holiday plans, or deciding what restaurant to go to.
Communication is about truly being there, talking and listening, discussing the bigger things in life, building a solid life together. So turn the TV off, put your phones away and simply talk.
Being jealous or suspicious of your partner or being the victim of jealousy in a relationship is one of the most common flaws you would experience. Whether it stems from a partner’s past dishonesty, or it’s an exterior expression of deep insecurity, being constantly jealous is a huge red flag.
It indicates trust issues in the relationship which need to be talked through and dealt with. Jealousy can lead to paranoid behavior like checking out your partner’s phone, stalking their friends on social media, or even following them to see where they go.
Whoever tells you that a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship is simply trying to justify their own paranoia.
15. Being a love junkie
A typical love junkie finds themselves jumping from one relationship to another quickly, always being madly in love with their partner, wanting to tell the whole world about them, appearing to almost be high on love.
Watch out if your partner or you are exhibiting signs of being a love junkie. Because once the initial infatuation wears off the love junkie moves on to their next potential partner, usually after a painful heartbreak. It’s a pattern!
16. Being too insecure
When an insecure person gets in a relationship, they might be all happy and calm for a while, until their usual insecurities kick in. “Do you love me?” – they might ask too often.
Insecure people find it hard to break up, believing nobody else will ever love them. Those are also usually the victims of abusive relationships. When your dignity is too low you allow yourself to be treated badly, believing that you deserve it, because you are unworthy of love.