Perhaps you’re a true dominatrix desiring to transform your current sweetheart into a submissive mate, or maybe you simply want to spice things up in the bedroom. Regardless of the reason, you may be interested in making your boyfriend a bit more submissive. There is certainly nothing wrong with trying to encourage this in your man, but the question is: is he willing to learn?
Many men are programmed to be dominant over women, and some would never consider being submissive in the bedroom, or anywhere else for that matter. In order to “transform” your boyfriend, you will first have to determine if he has the potential to be submissive. If your guy is a typical manly man who has always taken charge in and outside the bedroom, he may not be “transformable.” However, if he is open to new ideas and he allows you to take charge in some situations, you have a chance of being successful.
If you’re going to get your man to become more submissive, you need to come up with a sound plan and get him on board. Perhaps he won’t enjoy being submissive – and perhaps he will – but he needs to be at least willing to give it a try. Here is an overview of 8 ways to make your honey more submissive so you can both get the most out of your bedroom fun.
Table of Contents
1. Conduct small experiments while engaging in sex play
One way to determine if your boyfriend will enjoy being submissive in the bedroom is to try experiments while things are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom. For instance, during foreplay, you could gently blindfold him with a scarf or tie and see how he reacts. You could also try gently, but sternly, requesting that he rub your feet or perform oral sex on you.
Once you’ve made the request, note his reaction. If he complies, enjoy, and continue to take small steps towards “training” your sweetheart to become more submissive. The next time, you can tie him up, if he allows, and continue from there.
You need to be prepared for the possibility that your boyfriend won’t be compliant with anything out of the ordinary. Depending on how adamant he is about not wanting to participate in such sex play, you can try again in a different manner, in the future. If he flat-out calls you weird and storms off, then you may need to face the fact that he’s simply not interested.
2. Watch some Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism (BSDM) porn together
You don’t want to scare the hell out of your man by choosing a hardcore porno with extreme sadomasochism, cuckolding, or other extreme BSDM acts – it may be too much too soon. Choose some movies with more introductory acts, such as light, playful bondage, light spanking, etc. While you’re enjoying the movie, be sure to tell him how much you enjoy it and how you’d like to incorporate some of that into your sex life.
During your porn session, make sure you check how he reacts to the movie as well as when you tell him that you’d like to participate in some of the acts together. If he seems intrigued, great, but if he seems apprehensive, that’s okay too. It doesn’t mean that he’ll never be interested in trying any BSDM, but he may need some time to get used to the idea.
It’s almost guaranteed that things will get hot and heavy as you both get turned on while watching the movie. He might surprise you and hand you a tie and ask you if you want to play. However, he may not, and if he doesn’t, simply continue to watch related porn movies together and he may soon come around.
3. Offer tempting rewards
If your boyfriend seems reluctant when you introduce gentle dominant acts in the bedroom, you could try assuring him that if he complies, it will be worth his while. Don’t simply leave it at that: tell him specifically how it will be worth his while. For instance, if you’ll give him a full-body massage and eat a pair of edible underwear off him, then tell him so. This is likely to significantly increase his chances of complying, because what man wouldn’t want a full-body massage and having candy eaten off his penis?
As long as you offer him a tempting reward, you’re very likely to get what you want. And if he likes the addition of the BSDM in the bedroom, then he might just want to do it again during future sessions.
4. Suggest some creative roleplaying sex games
One way to encourage your hot honey to be more submissive in the bedroom is to suggest some exciting roleplaying games during your next session. You could surprise him by dressing up in a sexy doctor’s outfit while using your stethoscope to see how rapidly his heart is pounding during his “examination.” He’s likely to really get excited from the session, and it’s a great way to introduce him to some more BSDM-like fun and games.
5. Make sure something’s in it for him, too
Although a dom/sub relationship is based on the sub doing whatever the dom demands for his or her pleasure, when introducing submission to your boyfriend, don’t focus on your own pleasure at his expense. A dom/sub relationship involves the enjoyment of both parties and not just the dom. So, when you’re teaching your honey to be more submissive, chances are you’ll be more successful if you ask him to do all the things that he especially likes in the beginning.
If your boyfriend is receptive, then you can add more and more acts in the future. You should have a discussion to find out what he prefers, so you’ll be sure he’s as pleased as you are. The more pleased he is, the more likely he will be to increase his level of submissiveness and possibly even become your official sub.
6. Tie him up, blindfold him and tease him
Before you invest in official binding supplies, you want to make sure your man is going to enjoy it. Until you’re sure, you can use just about anything around the house to create makeshift blindfolds and equipment to tie up your man. Next time you have sex, surprise him and tell him you’re going to blindfold him and tie him up before teasing him until he begs for mercy.
You can use feathers, ice, and other kinky items to rub on his testicles whenever you’re not licking them. He is likely to get so aroused that he will beg you to ride him. Seeing him so turned on will make you hot as well and lead to mind-blowing climaxes for you both.
7. Show your true bossiness in the bedroom
Your man should be receptive to the idea of you being bossy in the bedroom – many men think it’s a major turn-on when a woman takes charge during sex. As long as you take it easy and give him a chance to adjust, he should adapt and hopefully get used to the idea of you being more dominant in the bedroom.
8. Ask your boyfriend to dominate you in bed
While it may seem weird, if you ask your boyfriend to dominate you in bed, he might realize how fun it can be and see why you want to make him more submissive. In fact, if he’s up for it, you two can take turns being the dominant and submissive in the bedroom. If he’s really into it, have fun and be creative.
You guys can buy special outfits together and various sex toys and equipment that will enhance your sexual experiences.
If, after several attempts to transform your boyfriend into a more submissive lover, you’ve failed, you might need to give up. You can’t force him to comply with your requests if he’s not interested in being more submissive. If having a submissive boyfriend is that important to you, then you might want to re-evaluate things in your current relationship.
Perhaps the two of you simply aren’t compatible in the bedroom, which may or may not become a future problem. If you feel you need to be dominant over your man in the bedroom, then you might need to break up with your current guy and find someone who is more compatible. However, if having a submissive sex partner isn’t a priority and you’re otherwise happy being with your man, then you could try some of these techniques again in the future or simply leave it alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
Am I weird because I want a submissive boyfriend?
Many women who enjoy being dominant in the bedroom often feel guilty and like something is wrong with them. This is not true. The fact that you enjoy being dominant over a submissive man in the bedroom isn’t weird at all. Numerous couples enjoy dominant/submissive sexual relationships, as it dramatically increases their level of intimacy and sexual fulfillment.
My boyfriend wasn’t into BSDM until I introduced him, and now he wants to participate in really hardcore things that make me uncomfortable. Now I feel like I’ve created a monster. What do I do?
No, you didn’t create a monster, but you simply introduced him to a new and exciting way of adding spice to your sex life. It’s easy to go overboard in the bedroom when it comes to trying new and exciting acts together. However, if your boyfriend is causing you to feel uncomfortable, then you need to sit him down and talk to him (when you’re not having sex).
Your enjoyment is as important as his, and chances are if he was aware that what he’s doing is causing you to feel uncomfortable, or even afraid, then he’d stop immediately. Communication is key to making any relationship work, and this situation is certainly no different.
I’ve introduced my boyfriend to BSDM, and we really enjoy playing our sexy dom/sub games. However, I am interested in inviting another person to participate in some sex games with us, but I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship. Should I just bring a person, male or female, home one day and take them into the bedroom with us?
It is perfectly normal that you want to bring another male or female into the dom/sub-sex games that enjoy with your partner. However, not every couple can handle having a third person in their bedroom without it damaging their relationship. You should also never bring home another person, regardless of their gender, and expect your sweetheart to be on board with it. This is something that the two of you need to discuss in-depth in advance, so you are both on the same page. If and when he agrees, you two should choose who the third person will be together to reduce the chances of it causing problems in your relationship.
I have worked hard to get my boyfriend to become more submissive in the bedroom, and he doesn’t mind a few dom/sub sex games, but he won’t allow us to get more adventurous like I’d like. How do I get him to explore more of this lifestyle with me?
If he truly isn’t interested, then you can’t force him to become more adventurous in the bedroom. If you’ve succeeded in getting him to the point he’s at now, then you’ve made a real accomplishment. You should be happy about that and be patient and understanding with him. You may have to accept his decision and be happy that you were able to make the progress that you’ve made.