Feeling insecure or having a sense of dread when thinking about your relationship are telltale signs that something is amiss. If your relationship is filled with arguments and drama, it may be time to take a step back to objectively evaluate its health.
An unstable relationship can leave you wanting more, envisioning a future alone, or even wishing you were someone else. In order to address the issues that are making your relationship unhealthy, you need to know the signs of an unstable relationship.
1. You fight non-stop
Fighting non-stop with your partner is a sign that there are bigger underlying issues that require attention. If you can’t go for a week or even a day without arguing with your partner, it may be time to step back and reevaluate your current situation. Ask yourself what it is you are fighting about and whether or not your relationship is salvageable. If you are unable to work through your arguments and find yourself repeatedly arguing about the same things, you may be in an unstable relationship.
While some fighting and occasional arguing are healthy for any relationship, it is important to know when arguing has gotten out of hand or when it no longer serves a constructive purpose. If you are unable to get anywhere or make progress after having an argument with your partner, your partner may not be well-suited for you.
2. You or your partner is quick to anger
Have you noticed that you or your partner have become increasingly quick to anger? Do you find yourself angry over silly and inane issues that should be addressed with a kinder or more gentle approach? If so, take time to evaluate where you are in your relationship and why you or your partner is becoming angrier more quickly.
Finding yourself feeling increasingly angry when arguing or even conversing with your current partner is an indicator that there are deeper and more complex issues at play. Angry outbursts are not likely to subside if the individual who is experiencing the anger is unable to express themselves and/or work with the issue at hand.
3. You can’t trust your partner
Trust is a fundamental core element of any long-lasting and successful relationship, platonic or romantic. If you are unable to trust your partner and are a committed, long-term couple, you are in an unstable relationship. Without trust, it is increasingly difficult to work with a partner. If you do not trust your partner, you will find yourself second-guessing your decisions and you may find yourself becoming increasingly jealous of your partner’s life and activities that don’t include you.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, whether it is a friendship, a familial relationship, or a soulmate connection. If you or your partner are experiencing serious trust issues with one another, you will need to acknowledge and address them as quickly as possible to prevent further damage or the end of your relationship altogether.
4. Defensiveness is on the rise
Acting defensively is often a giveaway that someone is hiding something. When an individual that you love and trust is suddenly unwilling to discuss important issues with you, or they have become increasingly defensive, it may be a sign that you are in an unstable relationship.
It’s also not out of the realm of possibilities for you to feel increasingly defensive, especially if you are unhappy in your relationship or you are dealing with relationship issues that have come between you and your partner. To begin addressing the matter, assess the situation by considering why your partner has become more defensive.
5. You feel anxious and increasingly worried
Do you find yourself constantly overthinking your relationship and the future of your relationship? Are you extremely anxious and unable to focus on any other area of your life because you are feeling a nagging pull that something is wrong or that you are not in the right place? If so, you may be in an unstable relationship.
Openly discussing your anxiety and worries with your committed partner is one of the most important aspects of being in a long-lasting relationship, especially one that requires commitment or one that is monogamous. When you feel that you are no longer able to open up and discuss your anxieties or worries with your partner, there may be even bigger issues that need to be addressed and remedied.
If you are dealing with a partner who has cheated on you or is known for their infidelities, it is also common to experience a heightened sense of anxiety and worry, leading to an overall unstable relationship if not fixed.
6. You are drifting apart
Spending time with your partner and making plans together is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If you find yourself drifting apart or no longer attempting to make time for one another, your relationship may need some attention. Drifting apart happens, and can occur at any time during a relationship, especially after years of being together.
When you feel as though you are drifting apart, it is important to assess the situation and consider potential contributing factors. If you have no desire to attempt to remedy your relationship and prefer to keep your distance from your partner, you are existing in an unstable and, in many cases, unhealthy relationship.
7. Apologies are not part of your relationship
Apologizing is part of life. At work, at school, with friends, with family, and especially with loved ones, apologies are a way to communicate feelings of sadness, regret, and shame to those who mean the most. Apologizing for bad behavior or for actions that have caused harm to others is a way to protect and preserve relationships. If apologies are no longer a part of your relationship and you no longer care if you are sorry or if your partner is sorry, you are in an unstable relationship.
Apologizing for harmful and hurtful behavior is a cornerstone of any relationship, even if the relationship is a friendship or platonic. An individual who is unwilling or unable to say that they are sorry will likely only live for themselves, pursuing selfish endeavors, leaving loved ones in the dust. If apologies are no longer a part of your everyday relationship with your partner, it is time to move on.
8. There is no room for compromise
Without compromise, there is no true partnership. If you are in a long-term, committed relationship, you know just how important it is to include compromise in your daily routine. While your partner may despise a certain food, you may love it, leading to a compromise of a mixture of foods or alternative choices. When you are no longer interested in compromising with your partner, or if your partner disregards your request to compromise, you may be living in an unstable relationship.
A relationship or committed partnership cannot work successfully if both partners are not willing to compromise with one another. Learning how to compromise with your partner is essential to ensuring that both partners are happy and being tended to emotionally. Without compromising, each partner begins to live individually, disregarding the wants and needs of the other.
9. Your partner tries to one-up you at every turn
Do you feel as though you are always in competition with your partner? Does your partner try to one-up you at every turn, making you feel less than or not worthy enough? If so, you may be in an unstable and unequal relationship. Having a partner who always tries to one-up you is not only detrimental to your own self-esteem and confidence but can also cause you to second guess yourself and your abilities.
If you feel as though your partner is constantly trying to one-up you, it is important to vocalize these feelings and express yourself honestly and openly. A partner who is truly committed to you and wants to bring you happiness will work to remedy any negative behaviors and actions that cause tension and instability.
10. Someone always needs to win the argument
Winning an argument often feels rewarding, especially if you have successfully proven a point. But what happens when the person you are constantly arguing with is your own partner? If someone always needs to win the argument in your relationship, you are likely in unstable territory.
When those in a relationship insist on “being right” and winning an argument, this leaves little to no room for compromising and negotiating with one another. When your goal is to win an argument for the sake of winning, you are less likely to care about or to focus on the wants and needs of your own partner. When a partner’s wants and needs are neglected, you begin to live in an unhealthy and unstable environment.
11. Fights are becoming increasingly tumultuous
If you notice that the fights and arguments you have with your partner are becoming increasingly tumultuous, you are living in an unstable relationship. Arguments and disagreements are common, and in some instances, even healthy. However, tumultuous fights that have become increasingly volatile, intense, or involve property damage and/or violence are clear indicators of an unstable – and potentially dangerous – relationship.
12. You find yourself seeking attention elsewhere
If someone is seeking attention elsewhere, it is a clear sign that they are unhappy in the relationship. Finding yourself seeking attention from other potential partners or even those who are simply willing to give you attention is often indicative of much deeper and more significant interpersonal issues.
While it may feel good to receive attention from someone other than your current partner, it typically indicates that you have issues at home. If it is not acknowledged, addressed, and stopped, seeking attention from others while you are in a committed relationship will lead to further instability and unhappiness down the road.
13. You feel empty and unfulfilled
Staying in a relationship where you feel empty and unfilled is no good for anyone, especially you. When you no longer believe the relationship serves you or serves a purpose, it is best to cut your ties and move on. Feeling empty and unfilled while remaining in a relationship will lead to an increase in instability, volatility, and tension, especially if you and your partner have no desire to improve the current state of your relationship.
While most often it is best to start over, it is possible to salvage a relationship if both partners are in love and are committed to the task. Restoring an empty and unfulfilling relationship requires hard work, commitment, and plenty of compromise along the way.
Understanding the traits of an unstable relationship is important when you are experiencing issues in your partnership. While there is no one-trick solution, knowing these signs will help you to address them and get your life back on track. Knowing what an unstable relationship is can help you to protect yourself so that you can make decisions that are in your future’s best interest.