If you’re familiar with narcissism, you might know that these types of people are notorious for needing constant validation from their partners and putting others down in order to get ahead.
Once someone who is a narcissist finds a partner, it’s impossible for them to let them go, right? Well, not necessarily.
Just like regular people, people with narcissism might suddenly break up and dump you for reasons unknown. What gives?
If someone who is a narcissist suddenly dumps you, it can be because they sense you are now breaking out of your shell and realizing that they are, in fact, narcissistic.
They might also step out of the relationship and find someone who is even more susceptible to their manipulation tactics, or someone that makes them “look” better in the eyes of society.
In addition, there is also the possibility that someone with narcissism has realized they need help, and they are now actively trying to better themselves, although this is a bit rarer.
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Was My Partner Really a Narcissist?
You might be left dumbfounded if your partner suddenly dumps you. A million questions might run through your mind, such as:
- Did I do something wrong?
- Should I try and save the relationship?
- Am I wrong for speaking up for myself?
- Should I have done something differently?
- Would I have been able to fix them?
Narcissistic relationships aren’t uncommon. In fact, studies show that an estimated 60 million relationships of people in the United States might have been with an abusive, narcissistic partner!
These relationships are characterized by partners who:
- Constantly belittle you through put-downs, insults, or criticize every aspect of you
- Tell you that you are nothing without them or falsely make you believe you are worthless
- Try to control your routine and who you are involved with
- Try to isolate you from others who might make you realize they are truly abusive
- Dish out physical, emotional, and verbal abuse
- Start shouting matches
- Make you feel guilty trips, especially when you want to leave and walk away from a relationship
If you’ve been asking yourself the above questions after a breakup, and if you’ve experienced these symptoms listed above in your relationship, there’s a very real chance that your relationship was with someone who was narcissistic.
Why Does This Breakup Hurt?
Before we move on to the many reasons why a narcissist might have broken up with you, it’s important to first validate your feelings after a breakup.
Breakups, in general, are always painful. In fact, research has shown that break-ups can actually lead to physical pain and can be as difficult to deal with as losing someone through death.
Indeed, a break-up, even with someone who is a narcissist, leads to feelings of despair and grief, which are all normal.
This is because narcissists have a way of making you feel as if you are the most important person in the world to them.
They are charming and somewhat cunning, able to infiltrate themselves into your life and make your life revolve around them.
How a Narcissist Will Act as a Partner
People with narcissism need constant validation to improve their self-esteem.
Although people who are narcissists might seem grandiose and appear as if they know everything and are always in control, there’s evidence that suggests people with narcissism actually suffer from low self-esteem.
As a result, people with narcissistic personality disorder need to find partners that boost their self-esteem by complimenting them, giving them their every waking minute of the day, and dedicating themselves to the narcissist fully.
How a Narcissist Will Break Up with You
When you go through a breakup with a narcissist, it can happen in two ways.
1) The first is the most common. They will insult you and make you feel guilty for leaving them.
Because a narcissistic person needs someone to constantly validate them, they will fight tooth and nail to keep you around. Statements they might make include:
- You’re not good enough for someone else
- No one else will want you
- I’m the best thing for you
- You can’t leave me
- I’ll hurt myself if you leave
In the worst-case scenario, your ex-partner might even become abusive physically, emotionally, and verbally.
If this is the case, contact your local authorities right away for help.
They will be able to help you clear out your home, file paperwork such as restraining orders, if necessary, and keep you safe.
2) Outright dump you. This one is equally as painful as the first method.
Even though you might realize that a narcissist was bad for your mental health (and even physical health), it still feels horrible knowing that the narcissist suddenly dumped you without explanation.
Unfortunately, you might never get an explanation. Someone who is a narcissist will not take into account your feelings.
Your feelings are the least of their concerns, and they might cut off contact without so much as a text message or phone call.
If this is the case, don’t wait around for them to call. Instead, start practicing self-care techniques, such as positive affirmations, relaxing activities, and hobbies, and realize you are worth much more than an object to throw away.
The Reasons
Now, on to the reasons why a narcissist suddenly dumped you.
Remember, all of these are in no way a reflection of who you are, and it’s not your fault you fell for the tactics of a narcissist.
There is hope ahead, and you are better off without having this toxic and harmful person in your life.
They Found Someone “Better” In Their Eyes
There is evidence that suggests people with narcissist personality disorder want someone that makes them feel loved, someone who they are proud to “show off,” and someone who satisfies their need for a certain lifestyle.
However, narcissists don’t choose these partners out of love or even respect.
These partners are simply an extension of themselves, and serve to improve their self-esteem and ego.
It’s common for a narcissist to shop around for the best-looking, best connected, or most affluent partner and get themselves involved with these individuals by charming their way into their lives.
If you were already in a committed relationship with a narcissist, this isn’t enough to stop them from stepping out of the relationship and seeking out “better” partners.
In fact, people with NPD also have a poor understanding of boundaries and never seem to care about the boundaries you set.
This leads to them stepping out of the relationship, beginning affairs, and beginning relationships with others despite being with you.
They Sense That You’re Growing Stronger
One of the best ways to deal with someone who is a narcissist and constantly puts you down and abuses you is to ignore the abuse or to grow emotionally distant.
The less attention you pay to someone who is a narcissist, the less power they feel they have over you.
Just like a bully wants to torment others in order to get a reaction out of them, someone who is a narcissist wants to get a reaction out of their partner in order to make themselves feel better about their own low self-esteem.
Once you realize you’re in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, you might begin to grow distant, stop putting up with their comments and threats, and begin to value yourself more.
This is a narcissist’s biggest fear and one that will lead them to break up with you almost immediately.
They Have Started to Change
Finally, it is incredibly possible for someone who is abusive to change for the better.
People with NPD or who are the instigators in abusive relationships do have the ability to change if they seek out the right mental health treatment and are committed to changing for themselves, not their partners.
However, this can be a bit rarer than the above-mentioned circumstances.
Nevertheless, if someone suddenly realizes they don’t want to be abusive anymore, knows they are toxic to their partner, and wants to fix the childhood trauma that led to their narcissism, it’s okay for them to seek therapy.
In either case, someone who is in therapy and in the process of recovery from their abusive tendencies and narcissism should be left alone to heal.
You are under no obligation to stand by while they change, or hold any responsibility for whether they change or not.
Final Thoughts
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is difficult, and it’s also difficult to end a relationship with someone with NPD.
However, you can end the relationship successfully and allow yourself to heal from this period in your life.
Remember that, no matter the reason why someone with NPD left you suddenly, it is not your fault and does not decrease your self-worth by any means.
