Is it starting to seem like all your friends have met their significant others on dating apps except for you?
You swipe through hundreds of men each week and match with only a few. Then, the conversation seems to die almost right away, and arranging to meet feels like such a hurdle.
Are you starting to wonder if dating apps even work? Maybe they work for others, but not for you?
Over 50% of dating site users report not feeling happy about their dating life or the results they are getting on dating apps.
Here are 10 reasons why dating apps don’t work for you.
Table of Contents
1. What’s the point?
If the point of dating apps is to meet a nice guy, get to know him, and then fall madly in love with him, then a lot of dating apps seem to be designed the wrong way.
It feels like dating apps are all about endless swiping but very little genuine connection.
A lot of people will tell you that using dating apps is like playing a numbers game.
The more you swipe and message, the bigger than chance, i.e., you need to kiss a lot of online frogs before you find your prince.
However, unlike real-life interaction, going through a lot of interaction online can be incredibly exhausting and demotivating.
You are missing out on key communication ingredients and non-verbal cues like body language and intonation.
You might be putting in a lot of effort, yet somehow you don’t seem to be connecting on the right level with the guys you match with.
It probably feels incredibly disheartening.
You fear that the men you meet online have different expectations than you and simply don’t want a serious relationship.
How are you supposed to ever settle down if men don’t really approach you in bars, and the ones online are too lazy to text back?
What is the point of dating apps anymore?
2. Dating apps are far from perfect
Dating apps can be a great way to connect with a lot of different men from a lot of different backgrounds – but they aren’t the end game.
You still need to meet face to face to see whether there’s any chemistry.
However, dating platforms are far from perfect, so even matching with the right guy can be a challenge.
So much so, that you are probably matching with some guys you’d never go for in real life, only to find that when you meet in person you don’t click.
Some apps have issues when it comes to narrowing down selections, others with the distance, or with messaging.
Does the perfect dating app exist?
3. You are just too lazy
A dating app is like approaching someone at a bar – only the first step. The rest is down to you and how much effort you are willing to put into the interaction.
If you are being lazy about it, no wonder it doesn’t seem to be working for you.
Fewer than half of your matches will turn into actual conversations (statistically speaking), and then less than one-third of all conversations (or “How you doing?” conversation openers) will turn into an invitation to meet in person.
The biggest downside to dating apps is that they remove most of the respect and accountability of traditional dating.
People just don’t seem to care about social niceties.
4. Swiping feels too automated
Maybe someone swiped through your photos, found you cute enough, and clicked “like,” but once you matched, he read through your profile and didn’t think you were the right match. It happens all the time.
Swiping is way too automated and quick to allow for much thinking.
Then there are guys who let their friends swipe for them because it’s just a fun thing to do. This means you could get matches from people who have never even seen your profile.
5. Expectations are too high
Another downside to online dating is that people have high expectations. We almost expect the dating app to find us a husband or something.
You hear great stories of romance that started on Tinder and ended up with marriage but fail to acknowledge that those stories are the exception to the rule, rather than the standard.
The issue is that most of us underestimate the time and patience it takes to really meet someone and then the effort it takes to begin and maintain a relationship.
We are used to instant gratification – you post a picture on Instagram and get 30 likes straight away; you order food, and it arrives within half an hour.
Dating apps appear to offer shortcuts but they don’t, and that can end up being really frustrating.
Creating a connection with a total stranger online is not nearly as straightforward as getting a one-day delivery with Amazon.
If you don’t have a lot of patience, dating apps might be the worst way to look for a boyfriend.
6. Negative bias is a thing
Once you have a horrible date with a dating app match, you will probably be scarred for a while.
If you don’t really mind rejection, or you are quite optimistic, you might go on another date straight away, but most women will be more cautious.
Especially if the conversation online was great, but the date went horribly wrong.
7. You are overthinking it
If you are an overthinker, you will do it in all aspects of life, including dating.
That means you probably read between the lines of every message you receive and get anxious about it. These are some of the things that may go through your head:
He stops replying – He thinks I am boring.
He’s really polite but hasn’t suggested meeting yet – He must be seeing other women.
He doesn’t text after your date – He has ghosted me.
8. You are not being honest
One of the reasons why dating apps don’t work for you can be their algorithms.
While the biggest dating apps like Match.com, Tinder, and Hinge are extremely cagey about their algorithms, we know that a machine can only offer results based on the information it’s being fed.
Therefore, what you write in your profile will directly correlate with the results you are presented.
The same goes with who you have previously matched with – the app will try and find lookalikes to match with.
So, how honest are you being with the information that you’ve put down about yourself?
Maybe you want to appear to be the athletic, outdoorsy type because that’s the type of guy you are attracted to?
Fine…but once you match with him, you will find that actually you have very little in common.
It’s okay to own who you are and be unapologetic about it.
Often, the best matches will be quite different to you because they will find you intriguing. As they say, opposites attract.
It’s 2022 and yet dating apps cannot guarantee that once you meet with a match there will be a spark there.
It’s true. The filtering of those apps leaves no space for serendipity, which is what a lot of couples – who met their partners the old-fashioned way – refer to as a key thing.
9. The number of options is actually a barrier
In a world where we can watch any movie at the click of a button, listen to any song ever recorded, and pretty much choose between hundreds of products in a shop, having more choice might actually be hindering romance.
Having endless possible matches makes you feel like no one is actually that special.
Let’s say you get five matches a day and the AI behind the scenes basically guarantees compatibility with these choices.
Will you take them more seriously? Will you “like” and message all of them if you knew how exclusive that list was?
A smaller selection of people might resemble real life more closely.
You know those times that you go to a friend’s birthday party or attend a wedding and there are only a few single men present?
Out of them, there are probably only a couple of men that are actually your type.
So, what if dating apps resembled real life? Maybe then it would be easier.
10. You don’t know what you really want
Perhaps the ultimate reason why dating apps don’t work for you is that you don’t know what you want or who you are really looking for.
You spend barely any time swiping through options, then you get bored of texting back your matches and rarely say yes to a coffee date.
When you meet someone you like, you think it’s too good to be true, so you act awkward on the first date.
Or you put all your eggs in one basket and only text or meet one man.
It helps if you know what you are looking for – just fun, or something serious?
There are women out there who are straightforward in their profile bios and state that they want a serious relationship or even marriage and kids.
This way they know that the men they match with and go out with are not freaked out or intimidated by their direct approach.
It can save both parties a lot of time and effort if both are straightforward from the get-go.
Dating apps to try in 2022
It’s true that online dating can be a total minefield, especially in a Covid world.
Everyone is eager to meet people and get out there, but what are the best dating apps to try this year?
We took a look at 5 great options so you don’t have to limit yourself to Tinder.
- The Sauce
This dating app is unlike any other, as it removes the need for photos and actually lets you upload videos to help you catch someone’s interest.
Expect TikToks, Instagram stories and reels, and a lot of cute moments.
- Thursday
It’s the app that everyone was waiting for in 2021. Launched just 8 months ago, it now boasts over 100k sign-ups between New York and London.
What Thursday does is reduce the time spent on dating apps by simplifying matching.
Users can only match, flirt and meet on one day. That’s right, on Thursday.
The messages and matches disappear at midnight, so the urgency can help you exchange numbers quicker and meet within hours.
No more wondering when he will reply – it’s now or never with this app.
- Bumble
Bumble has over 22 million users worldwide, who would probably agree that it’s a been game-changer.
Founded by women for women, the app is all about ladies making the first move, challenging the antiquated idea that a guy needs to do that.
- Badoo
Do you dream of marrying Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum?
Badoo’s algorithm uses facial recognition to scan the market for lookalikes of your celebrity crushes. Yes, that’s right!
With over 400m users worldwide, you’ve got a high chance of meeting someone you fall for straight away.
- Tastebuds
If you are a music fanatic, this is the perfect dating app for you! It will help you find your musical soulmate (or at least a gig BFF).
No need to be ashamed of your Miley Cyrus obsession – list all your favorite music and let Tastebuds do its algorithm magic.
Give some new dating apps a try this year, especially if you feel bored with the results from the ones you’ve been using. What’s the worst that could happen?
Data shows that there are now over 1,500 dating apps available for download. Between free-to-use and premium platforms, there are A LOT of choices.
The industry will continue to grow because ultimately, dating, love, and relationships will always be important.
Ready to find love? Don’t give up on dating apps just yet. You never know how amazing your next match could be.
