Every woman hopes that her husband will remain faithful, but too often, she may suspect that he has a girl on the side.
Once it’s been confirmed, more questions may arise, and her husband will usually become defensive.
Maybe it really was just a kiss or late-night sexting with a coworker. If the affair wasn’t sexual in nature, is it still considered cheating?
Cheating is defined by an extramarital intimate encounter, such as kissing or sexual intercourse.
However, it is possible to have an emotional affair in which an intimate bond is established outside of the marriage.
Table of Contents
Types of cheating in a marriage
While the definition of cheating is up to the individual, there are three general types of cheating in a marriage.
However, how you personally define cheating depends on your values and expectations.
It’s often helpful to sit down and talk with your spouse about mutual expectations to make sure that you are on the same page.
Sexual intercourse
Obviously, if someone has sex outside of their marriage, it’s considered cheating.
There really aren’t any compromises on this unless the couple has agreed to an open relationship.
There is a difference between a one-night stand and a full-blown affair as well.
Often, one-night stands happen at a weak moment when the person is intoxicated, while affairs happen over a period of time, occur willfully and intentionally, and involve repeated deception.
Although cheating is cheating regardless, it may be easier to forgive a one-night stand.
Romantic kissing
If you catch your spouse giving another woman a peck on the cheek, it’s perfectly understandable for your alarm bells to go off, but this doesn’t necessarily constitute cheating.
Now, it does give you good reason to question your spouse about the context of that kiss.
On the other hand, a romantic French kiss outside of the marriage is considered cheating.
Maybe it really was just one kiss, but you have every right to be angry about it.
Emotional affairs
This kind of cheating is more complicated.
If you have hit a rough patch in your marriage, your husband may deepen his relationship with a female friend or coworker and start to get close to another woman.
Even if the relationship never becomes sexual, it still threatens your marriage.
What is not considered cheating in a marriage?
There are a few scenarios that often cause tension in a marriage and can lead to accusations of cheating.
However, the following things do not constitute cheating.
Sure, they could make you feel insecure, but it’s important to have trust in your marriage.
Having friends of the opposite sex
Just because your spouse has friends of the opposite sex doesn’t mean that they are having an affair, but once you are married, you should be introduced to your spouse’s friends and included in plans involving their friends of the opposite sex.
You have every right to feel uncomfortable with your spouse’s friendship with that woman he knew from high school but throwing a fit would just make you look irrational.
However, you should set firm limits with regards to a continued friendship.
Hugging and talking to the opposite sex
Many cultures are known to greet one another with hugs and kisses on the cheek. This is usually innocent.
It’s more intimate than a handshake, but it’s not considered cheating.
It should also be noted that talking to the opposite sex or friending them on social media isn’t cheating either.
Often, people accept multiple friend requests simply to gain popularity or network, but there are predators that may try to seduce your man online.
Hopefully, he’s smart enough to not fall for it, but some men have a weak spot when they’ve been sent a picture of boobs.
Watching porn
While watching porn is sexual in nature, it doesn’t involve physical contact, so it’s not considered cheating, nor does it necessarily mean that your spouse is dissatisfied in bed.
Men just seem to have a thing for nude images.
Now, if your spouse is interacting with cam girls on the side, they are walking a fine line, and you should sit down with them and have a good, long talk about it.
Sexual assault
If you have been a victim of sexual assault, it isn’t your fault and definitely isn’t considered cheating.
In some cultures, sexual assault may be viewed as tainting a woman’s purity, but it isn’t like a conscious choice was involved.
If you are struggling with this, counseling may be able to help.
What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating?
If you catch a whiff of an unfamiliar perfume, your thoughts can go in a million different directions, but there could be a reasonable explanation, so there’s no reason to go all psycho.
If you suspect that your spouse is cheating, here are a few suggestions.
Confront them with your suspicions
Screaming accusations doesn’t help matters, especially if you don’t have hard evidence.
Instead, you should approach your spouse calmly and tell them that you need to talk about something. Explain why you have suspicions of cheating.
Listen and give them the benefit of the doubt
No, this doesn’t mean that you should believe lies, but you should hear your spouse out. Maybe there really is a valid reason for the 2 am text messages with “Susie.”
For all you know, she could be a friend in a crisis, or it could be a work emergency.
Trust your instincts
If your gut is still telling you that your spouse is hiding something, trust it.
Women are very intuitive, and you shouldn’t let yourself be played. You are so much better than that.
Try to find a resolution to save the marriage
If your spouse admits that they cheated and apologizes for their wrongdoing, you may want to consider giving them another chance, especially if it was a one-time thing.
It might be wise to suggest counseling or at least discuss what is lacking in the marriage.
As long as they don’t repeat the behavior, your marriage may be worth saving.
Leave the relationship
Sometimes a girl just has to maintain her dignity and if you have a zero-tolerance policy for cheating, then you may want to consult a divorce attorney, especially in the case of a long-term affair.
There is a partner out there who will cherish you and remain faithful.
What to do if you have cheated on your spouse
On the flip side, maybe you are the one who has cheated.
Maybe you weren’t feeling satisfied in your marriage and engaged in a long-term affair or had a one-time hook-up with a coworker.
Here are some suggestions on what you should do after you’ve cheated.
Discontinue the affair
First, you should end any affair before coming clean with your spouse.
You are a married woman, and you have some serious thinking to do right now.
However, if your marriage has gone sour, you may want to file for divorce and be with the other man. Either way, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Be honest with your spouse
This can be scary because your spouse will undoubtedly be angry and hurt. They may even decide to file for divorce, but you need to take that chance.
Otherwise, the guilt will eat you up inside and take a long-term toll.
If it was just a one-time weak moment, though, then you may want to do some soul searching before confessing. Sometimes it can do more harm than good.
Change your behavior
Ok, so you had a weak moment after one too many martinis. Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes.
Forgive yourself, move forward, and don’t let it happen again. It’s one thing to make a mistake, but it’s another story to keep doing the same thing over and over.
Evaluate the relationship
Let’s face it, you cheated for a reason, so you may want to take a good hard look at what is lacking in your marriage so it can become fulfilling.
Or maybe you married too young, or your spouse isn’t the same person you married. Either way, you need to repair your marriage or move on with your life.
Cheating can involve any intimate contact or relationship outside of the marriage.
Sadly, cheating has become all too common, but it still isn’t acceptable in most marriages.
If you have dealt with cheating, you should take a good, hard look at your marriage and decide whether it’s worth saving or if it could be time to move on.
