Dealing with infidelity in any relationship is tough, especially if you discover that you are the “side chick” or that your current partner has committed to someone before you.
Whether you find out that you are the side chick to a man who is married or to a man who is already in a committed relationship, you may be asking yourself why.
Understanding how your own personality may cause you to become a target of an unfaithful man can help you to become more cognizant and aware of your choices when dating.
While there may be many reasons why you are the side chick in a relationship, there are often underlying habits or behaviors that may cause someone you are seeing to take advantage of you.
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What is a side chick?
A side chick is any woman who is seeing a man who is already married or in a committed relationship.
A side chick may be a purely sexual and physical relationship, or the woman involved may be fully unaware that the man she is seeing is also committed to another woman.
A side chick may or may not be aware that she is, in fact, not the first woman a man is committed to.
How do I find out if I am a side chick?
It is not always easy to tell if you are a side chick, especially if you have only recently started dating a man or if you are non-committal when you first start dating.
Some men are better at hiding their infidelities and affairs than others, so it is important to pay close attention to their behaviors as well as their actions, responses, and methods of communicating, even as you are first getting to know one another.
If you believe you might be a side chick, ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do I believe I am a side chick?
- What actions or signs has my partner given me to think that I might be a side chick?
- Is my partner always attempting to make excuses for getting together?
- Is it possible for me to go to my partner’s home, or does he keep that a secret?
- Does it feel as if the man I am dating is keeping a secret or leading a double life?
Asking yourself these questions can help you to get a better feel about the relationship you are currently in, even if you are not fully committed to one another yet.
When you feel that something is amiss or not simply right, it may be worth a bit of investigation.
Why would someone make me a side chick?
Finding out that you are someone’s side chick can be gut-wrenching and heartbreaking, especially if you were genuinely committed to the person you are seeing.
Someone may make you a side chick if they believe you are not interested in pursuing them further than the type of relationship you have already established.
Someone may make you a side chick if they believe you will not ask questions or if they believe you will not be interested in learning more about their lives when they are not spending time with you.
Is it bad to be someone’s side chick?
In most cases, being someone else’s side chick is not a badge of honor.
In fact, it may cause you to feel uncomfortable, betrayed, and even cheated on if you have been in a long-term relationship with the individual who is using you as a side chick.
While some women do not mind being the side chick of another man, others may find it difficult to accept or to move on from, especially if they have put all of their time and effort into the relationship from their end and perspective.
If you feel bad after discovering that you are someone else’s side chick, your best option is to cut your losses and walk away until you find someone who will treat you right.
Personality traits and behaviors that may attract an unfaithful partner
Unfortunately, some personality traits and behaviors of women may attract an unfaithful partner if they believe they can get away with their actions without raising suspicion.
Some of the behaviors and personality traits that are more likely to attract an unfaithful partner might include:
- Giving too much of oneself: Those who are unfaithful are attracted to givers as they believe they will not need to put as much effort into the relationship themselves, allowing them more time to spend with other women in their lives.
- Trusting: If a woman is too trusting and does not have any suspicions whatsoever when dating someone new, this can be the perfect individual for someone who plans to cheat and be unfaithful in the future.
- Poor self-esteem: Unfortunately, those who are unfaithful have a habit of seeking out women and partners who are not only too trusting but also have low self-esteem. If you suffer from poor self-esteem yourself, you may find it more difficult to simply walk away from a relationship that is damaged or no longer serving you.
What do I do if I find out that I am a side chick?
Discovering that you are a side chick can be extremely disturbing and upsetting, especially if you have thought you were in a committed relationship the entire time you have been seeing someone.
If you find out you are the side chick, you may want to take a step back to evaluate the situation you are in and find the proper course of action for you.
Some ways to cope with the discovery might include:
- Take time away from your partner without confronting them immediately. This will allow you the ability to cool down and gather your thoughts before making a plan of action that is right for you.
- Confirm your suspicions by discussing the matter with the woman your man has been seeing or is committed to.
- Ask yourself what is most important for you and your future vision. Does a cheating and unfaithful partner have a place in the vision you have for yourself and the future life you desire?
- Consider what values are most important to you and whether or not your unfaithful partner is deserving of remaining in your life and your space.
Is it good to inform the other women involved in a relationship once I discover I am a side chick?
In some cases, you may want to confront or inform the other woman your partner is seeing, sleeping with, or committed to once you find out you are a side chick.
You will first need to consider the dynamic of your relationship as well as the dynamic of the relationship your partner has with the other woman before making a decision.
If you feel comfortable with informing the other woman that her man is not being faithful to her, you can do so personally in person or online, as well as via text message.
Making the call on how to communicate with the other woman will depend on your own feelings and reactions to the situation itself.
It is best to avoid contacting the other woman who is also involved in a relationship with your current dating partner before you have contacted him head-on, especially if they are married or if you are unsure of how you should respond.
If you are feeling anger towards the other woman, it is also best to allow your emotions some time to cool down before you attempt to contact her directly.
Should I stay in the relationship if I love my partner after discovering that I am his side chick?
Choosing to stay in a relationship after you have discovered that you are a side chick is a tough call.
Not only will you need to cope with the initial reactions and emotions you feel after discovering you are a side chick but staying with a man who has made you a side chick will also mean disrespecting yourself as well as his other partner.
If you choose to stay with someone who has made you his side chick, keep the following in mind:
- You will never be his first choice.
- Your relationship was unfortunately founded on lies and secrecy, which may mean that you can’t trust your partner again.
- It is not possible to determine whether or not your partner will find another side chick when he is no longer interested in you.
- Your partner will always stick to the first partner he has committed to, especially if he is married or in a long-term relationship with someone else.
- You are not only hurting yourself and depriving yourself of true love and commitment, but you are also causing additional unknown pain and grief to the woman your partner is supposed to be with in everyday life.
What is the best way to go about dealing with the news that I am a side chick?
If you discover that you are a side chick, your whole world may feel as if it is falling apart or is no longer together.
If you find out you are a side chick and you are hurt, it is best to take some time away from communicating with your partner to gather and assess your own thoughts and emotions.
Allowing some time to pass between the discovery that you are a side chick and the confrontation is extremely helpful.
You will also need to consider whether or not you will be informing the other woman who your partner is seeing about his infidelities.
Taking time away from the situation will not only help you to better control and contain your emotions, but it may also provide you with the clarity to move forward with the situation, regardless of how you choose to approach the situation and your relationship as a whole.
How can I stop myself from becoming an easy target for unfaithful romantic partners?
If you have been cheated on in the past or if you have been a side chick more than once, you may be wondering how you can stop becoming an easy target to men who are looking for someone they can use as a side chick.
In order to steer clear of womanizers, you can use the following tips:
- Work on improving your self-esteem as well as your confidence.
- Build a life of your own independently to prevent yourself from needing the comfort of a man to feel complete.
- Seek out men who are serious about committing and are not interested in relationship games.
