Whether you are in a committed relationship or if you are thinking of getting back out there and dating again, you might have your sights on something new.
If you are thinking of getting involved in BDSM, or roleplay, you may be considering dating a submissive or dominant man.
If you want to date a submissive man, you may be wondering what that entails, especially if you are new to the scene, lifestyle, or the idea of submission and dominance altogether.
A submissive man is typically a man who prefers to be led and/or commanded by his intimate or romantic partner.
A submissive man will prefer to be told what to do and may also prefer to take a backseat in the bedroom while his partner assumes a more dominant role.
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What is submissive/dominant roleplay?
Submissive and dominant roleplay is often referred to as BDSM, or Bondage/Discipline & Sado/Masochism (in some circles).
When an individual is submissive in the bedroom, they are open to the idea of being told what to do and suspending their own free will and/or decisions, especially as they pertain to sexual acts and sexual pleasure.
A dominant individual in the bedroom will prefer to take control of their partner while in bed.
Dominant partners may enjoy commanding their partner to complete sexual acts or even completing a variety of tasks in a consensual manner.
How does a submissive man act in everyday life?
This will depend on the man as well as whether or not he prefers to take his sexual fantasies and kinks outside of the bedroom.
If a man is only submissive in the bedroom, he may appear more dominant and domineering in his everyday life outside of the bedroom when he is not with a partner.
Other men, however, may prefer to live submissively in many different areas and facets of their lives, even when they are not engaging in sex acts.
How do I know if a man is interested in living submissively outside of the bedroom?
If you have a dominant personality or if you enjoy the thought of living the kink lifestyle, you can seek out a male partner who is interested in living as a submissive to you even when you are not spending time in the bedroom together.
Finding a partner who wants to live submissively can be done by joining various groups, both online and offline, that are dedicated to BDSM groups and kinks that involve both domination as well as submission.
Do some submissive men only act submissive in the bedroom?
Yes, some submissive men prefer to only act submissive in the bedroom while having an entirely different public persona when outside of the bedroom.
This holds true for those who are also interested in holding a dominant personality in bed, but not outside of sexual acts.
How do I know if a submissive man is right for me?
If you have never been with a submissive man, you may be wondering if a submissive man is the right type of man for you.
If you enjoy being dominant in bed, ordering your partners around, or even maintaining complete and total control anytime you are participating in sex, a submissive man may be right for you.
How do I know if a submissive man is not the right fit for me?
A submissive man in the bedroom is not for everyone and may not be appealing or attractive to you if you prefer to be bossed around and told what to do.
If you prefer that your sexual partner be dominant and domineering, a man with a submissive kink or personality will not likely mesh well with your own.
Traits and behaviors of a submissive man (outside of the bedroom)
If you are seeing a submissive man or if you are thinking of dating a submissive man, you may want to become a bit more familiar with common traits and behaviors that you are likely to notice in a man who is submissive outside of the bedroom, such as:
- Avoiding the opportunity to take the lead
- Awaiting input and/or direction from others in their life, including their romantic partners
- Avoiding confrontation at all costs, even to the detriment of their own wants and needs
- The desire to be told what to do and to be led by their romantic partner
- Submissive behavior and the willingness to submit to their partner’s whims over their own
- Prefers to take the backseat in decision-making as well as in the workplace (in some cases)
Traits and behaviors of a submissive man (inside of the bedroom)
If you are thinking of dating a man who is only submissive in the bedroom, you may notice some of these traits and behaviors while you are getting intimate together:
- Complete and total submission of their body and will, especially when they are extremely turned on
- The desire to please you with disregard for their own sexual pleasure
- Requesting to be tied up, bound, or controlled in some form or another during sexual acts
- A willingness to try and explore new sexual acts or experiences, especially if he has the opportunity to act as the submissive in the scenario
Is it normal for a man to want to assume the role of a submissive in the bedroom?
Yes, some men prefer to simply suspend their beliefs while they are in the bedroom, allowing them more freedom to act out any sexual act or fantasy they have had in mind.
Why do some men prefer to be submissive in the bedroom?
For some men, assuming the role of a submissive in the bedroom is a way for them to explore fantasies and kinks they have had their entire lives.
For others, they may be more dominant at work or outside of the bedroom, which is why assuming the role of a submissive is such as a turn-on for them.
When you are dating someone who is interested in being submissive or dominant, you can get to know more about their fantasies and desires by simply asking them.
Being as open and as honest as possible is extremely important throughout the BDSM community and in the submissive and dominant communities alike.
What are the best ways to get to know if a submissive man is right for me while dating one?
If you are new to dating a man who is submissive, it is highly advisable to get to know him on a personal level before you begin exploring each other’s wants and needs inside of the bedroom.
If you want to get to know if a particular submissive man is right for you, you can begin by asking him about his fantasies as well as his own personal preferences.
If you are trying to get to know a submissive man using an online dating site or social media, you can also get a bit more personal before choosing whether or not to meet up together.
The more compatible you are, the more likely you are to feel comfortable meeting up in person, especially if you are new to the submissive and dominant lifestyles.
What should I consider if I am thinking of dating a submissive man?
Whether you’re new to dating a submissive man or if you are simply testing the waters, there are a few considerations to keep in mind when it comes to your own sexual preferences, wants, needs, and desires, such as:
- Your preferences when it comes to dating (both in and out of the bedroom)
- How much you prefer your dating partner to take the lead versus you making all of the decisions
- How much you prefer to be dominant versus submissive in the bedroom
- Whether or not you are open to trying new roles for yourself, even if that means assuming the dominant role each time you engage in sex with a submissive man
- How much you are interested in dominating a man in the bedroom, and whether it is a kink and fantasy or a way of life for you
How can I set boundaries when I am seeing a submissive man?
Regardless of how dominant you enjoy being in the bedroom, it is also imperative to discuss the boundaries each partner who is participating in sex has before you begin to engage.
Discussing your boundaries and preferences as well as the boundaries of the submissive man you are seeing will help prevent uncomfortable or awkward situations from arising.
Simply having discussions regarding hard lines and what is and what is not okay can help with establishing a trusting foundation between you and the submissive man you are seeing or dating.
Can a man be both submissive and dominant in the bedroom?
Yes, this is much more common than most people may be led to believe.
While some men assume the role of a submissive or a dominant any time they engage in sex, others are open to exploring both ends of the spectrum. It is absolutely possible to find a man who enjoys submitting to a partner some of the time while dominating his partner in other scenarios.
How can I become more comfortable assuming the dominant role in the bedroom?
Assuming the dominant role in the bedroom can seem like an entirely foreign concept to you if you are new to the BDSM lifestyle or if you are familiar only with being submissive.
If you want to learn more about becoming dominant in the bedroom as a woman, keep the following tips in mind:
- Immerse yourself in BDSM groups as well as communities designated for those interested in pursuing the dominant and submissive way of life
- Ask questions in various groups, message boards, and online forums to help become more comfortable with the subject matter as well as with exploring your own kinks and fantasies when it comes to being dominant and submissive
- Familiarize yourself with lingo associated with submissive men as well as boundaries and safe words so you are comfortable with discussing the topic with a future submissive man or partner
- Learn what boundaries are best for you by exploring the role of being dominant with a partner you trust and can rely on
- Always engage in BDSM and consensual acts with those who can trust and those who are respectful of your boundaries
Some of the best ways to become comfortable with the BDSM and submissive/dominant lifestyles is to simply immerse yourself in personal meetings, group meetings, or even online groups.
When you know how to navigate various groups and sects of people, you will no longer feel that it is taboo to discuss your own sexual kinks, preferences, and desires.
